Crimson Rain
by Samurai101
Summary: -Rekka no Ken- Eliwood's the unerringly valaint prince, right? Nope, not at all. Hidden under his capering mask of good deeds, what is he really like? AU-T for self torture-Complete-
1. Iris

A/N: Quick note, and reason for writing this. This is an AU(Alternate Universe) story; purely out of my mind. I wrote this on a wierd urge, and It is very, very interesting. PG-13 for a reason now people!

Warning: Very depressed, insane person who is distrurbed POV. For lack of a better word, self toture.

Disclaimer: I do not own Fire Emblem: Rekka no Ken; or much else for that matter......  
  
_And you can't fight the tears that aren't coming-__Or the moment of truth in your lies-__When everything feels like the movies-Yeah you bleed just to know you're alive._ Goo Goo DollsIris  
  
They stopped pestering, and started whispering. They thought I couldn't hear them, but I could. I smiled, and walked by, oblivious to their words: Stupid, clumsy, air headed, weak, ditzy Lord Smelly/Jelly/wood/dork, smiling cheerfully, and over passionate about his quest. Stupid naive Lordling he is. He's fallen for Lady Lyndis already, and Ninian as well. The tactician and he are great 'friends'. A stupid little worthless wretch who can't stand on his own two feet, much less walk on them without almost killing himself he is. Forget fighting. Never stand near him when he's fighting, he'll miss the enemy and hit you from ten feet away. Over sentimental fool! Laugh at him behind your back, he won't see, he won't care. He's too stupid to know. Naive little Lord he is.  
Ha! I smiled, my mask that everyone saw. Hector smiled back. He didn't see what was underneath. He whispered as well. I heard him. I heard tinkling laughter in my ears from Lady Lyndis. She laughed, smothered under her hand, her Sacean heritage holding her back from full scorning laughter. Lord Eliwood won't hear you, laugh all you want, he's too wrapped up in his righteous doings to listen to us. My heart wrenched, and my smile grew wider. Oblivious smile and laughter washed away their suspicions. Clumsy actions made them laugh. 'Accidents' with weapons made them, smile behind their hands. Chuckles, shrill laughs, half-smothered screams of laughter, all followed me. Haunting my every step. There was one escape for a while. Sleep.  
That wasn't escape either, I dreamed.  
The battlefield I was left to my antics, and I laughed with them at my 'mistakes'. I tripped, I missed, it took an easily dodged hit. I laughed. I laughed! Everyone laughed. I found not a solemn face. They gave up asking after my health, and I stopped caring. Clenched in my hand, white knuckled, was another escape.  
Laughter.  
It rang in my ears. Chasing, scorning. Laughter. I laughed as well. My mask slipped on my face, and I laughed. We all laughed for the same reason. Me. I doubled over laughing, and blood trickled down my cheek. I sat up, and, still laughing, drew my fingers across the shallow cut. Face wounds bleed readily. The blood coated the tips of my fingers gleamed. Shadows danced across the tent wall, and laughter rang out again. I heard my name, and was glad I was far away from them. I drew the shoulder of my shirt off. I held up the glittering escape in my hand, and pressed the cold bite into my arm.  
Crimson like my hair rolled down. It trickled first, then, as the bite went deeper, it flowed. Bone stopped me, and I pulled it out.  
Pain. Escape. Satisfaction. Release.  
My bottle up emotions flared up, and I drew more blood from my arm. Slick red blood ran freely. Laughter rang distantly, and I drew more blood. I bit my lip, and my feelings were not fully expressed. I grabbed a rag, and tied my arm up. No one would notice. I slipped off into the night. My bloody, cold relief gripped in my bloody hand. My only escape from everything. I smiled, and laughed with the others. With a flip, and a splatter of blood it was gone. I pushed into a tent, and sat down on the makeshift bed. I pulled the shoulder of my blood stain shirt down, and found blood still running. A harsh growl I scrubbed the cuts viciously, causing more pain, more blood. I tied it off again, and changed into some clean clothes. The tent flap pushed open again, and Hector walked in.  
"Turning in early Eliwood?" He asked. Laughter still lingered in his voice, and I smiled back with a bright smile that spread to all my features.  
"Yep." Underneath boiled a brewing storm, and blood still leaked warmly down my arm. Hector, oh my dear friend of all friends, chuckled, and I giggled back.  
  
A/N: Ta da! I turned Eliwood into a psychotic freak. Just so you know not everyone is laughing at him. He's gone a little loopy, and is taking things to an extreme. I'm not planning on writing any more, but I might change my mind. R&R please! Flames will be used to light candles.


	2. Blood Mask

**Disclaimer**: I do not own Rekka no Ken, or any of the characters. That said you can't sue me.

"Eliwood, get up."

"For the last time,_ get up_!" I yelped and tossed my arm out as I was roughly rolled off my bed.

"Goof 'Orning Hecer." I was annoyed, and frowned fiercely into my sheet which was wrapped around my head. My arm throbbed.

"Yeah, get up, you've already missed breakfast, but I bet Lowen saved you something." Hector sounded as disgruntled as I felt. I disentangled myself from my sheets, and gave Hector a sleepy stare. He wasn't looking at me, and was muttering about something under his breath. I glared at his turned back, and familiar hate boiled up in me. I stood up, and got dressed. My smile was more easily placed then it had been yesterday. Everyone was already up and busy. I passed Lyndis talking to Florina, Sain flirting with Serra, and Guy yelling at Mathew. I ducked into the cooking tent, and found Lowen, Rebecca, and Wil talking avidly. I let my smile slide a little, and glanced around the kitchen.

Lowen scrambled to his feet as soon as he saw me, and bowed. "L-lord Eliwood! I've saved you some breakfast!" Lowen produced a plate of whatever they'd had for breakfast, and I took it.

"My thanks Lowen." I turned, and knocked my hand against a pot. The pot clattered down, and landed squarely on my foot. I jumped on one foot, and balanced precariously on my 'good' foot.

"Milord! Are you all right?" Lowen asked as he hurried to pick up the pot.

"I'm fine Lowen, my thanks again. Rebecca, Wil." I nodded to them in turn, and walked out of the tent, tripping over my own feet. As soon as I was out I heard giggles, and snickers. I smiled, and found a place to eat my breakfast. The food that had been so painstakingly saved for me didn't look appetizing. I was hungry, famished, but I stared at it. I didn't want it. I trotted away from camp, and dumped it, then went to return the plate to Lowen. I dallied on the way. Marcus stopped me.

"Lord Eliwood, I give you good morn." Marcus greeted as he brushed his stallion with a respective half-bow. The same hatred I had felt for Hector broiled, and I smiled wider.

"Good morn to you as well Marcus. I hope it finds you well?" I asked in a chipper way that made Marcus smile as well.

"It does. I'm glad to see you finally awake." Marcus inclined his head towards Hector who was a few yards away talking to Lyndis. "Lord Hector said you were not inclined to waking."

"No, I'm afraid I wasn't." I tore my eyes away from the pair talking happily, and nodded to Marcus. "I need to get my dishes back to be washed, you'll excuse me?"

"Of course Lord Eliwood." Marcus bowed, and went back to his brushing. I started to walk away, and when I had passed Lyndis, and Hector-who got extremely quite when I went by- I tripped and fell. I heard Lyndis make a noise between a gasp, and a snort, and Hector sighed. I started to stand up, but Hector grabbed me under my arms, and hauled my to my feet.

"Watch where you're going, alright?" Hector warned as he pulled me to my feet.

"Sorry, I'll be more careful." I lied cheerfully.

"You better." Hector laughingly whacked my shoulder, and I went on. I stopped after I was out of their sight, and tensed when he chuckled.

"Like I said, he can hardly stand on his own two feet." Hector told Lyndis, still a hint of laughter in his voice.

"Has he always been like that?" Lyndis asked.

"Not as bad as he is now. He was always clumsy, but after he hit puberty it got really bad. Everyone thought it was just a result of his growth spurt, and that he'd grow out of it. As you can see, he didn't." Hector explained. I clenched my hands around the plate I was carrying. I hated him. The laughing way he talked about me made me want to scream. I ducked my head, and clenched my teeth.

"Lord Eliwood, if you hold that plate any tighter it will break." A calm sarcastic voice spoke. Instantly I knew who it was. I looked up with a curious look on my face, and then smiled.

"Good morning to you Erk."

The violet haired mage gave me a level, and minorly insulting look. "Good morning to you as well." I smiled, and walked winsomely away to the kitchen. No one was there. I placed the plate down, and smiled into it's marred reflection. It twisted the smile into a frown, and I drew away from it. My hand fell on a knife, and sliced my palm. All the knives we had were uncannily sharp, and kitchen utensils were no exception. I looked at my hand, and watched the crimson well up, and spill. It traced the lines, and crevices of my hand.

Staining, tainting, killing.

Blood did that: It stained clean hands; It tainted pure hearts; It killed innocent men.

I clenched my hand. Blood seeped through my fingers, and dripped onto the floor. I looked at it, and shoved my fisted hand in my pocket. There was a rustle, and I looked to the door. Two people walk in. One I knew well, and the other not so. It was Sain, and Priscillia. Sain was declaring the girls beauty, and she was listening, red faced. I frowned in a disapproving way, and walk forward.

"Sir Sain, might I remind you were are fighting a war." I looked disapproving in every way, but I couldn't care less what he did. I couldn't care.

"Lord Eliwood, I was merely telling the truth to this lovely flower of a woman." Sain was too used to this to be startled any more."You would not agree that her eyes are truly graced with the light of heaven?"

"Even if they are you should focused more on your training then chasing after women." I bowed to Priscillia. "No offense to you."

"N-none taken, Lord Eliwood." Priscillia stammered, still reeling from Sain's compliments. I nodded, and left. The warm sun hit my face, but it didn't brighten anything more then my vision. I heard Sain sigh, and lament about over-bearing authority. My smile returned, stretched and thin. Why was it so hard today? It had been easy in the morning even. Now it was harder I couldn't hold my face to the perfect mask it was used to. How many years had I used it, and it had never so hard for me. I used to slide onto his face, hiding the hatred I harbored. Now, why now? I needed my mask more then ever to hide myself. I was around too many who knew me. I hated it. I hated them.

If they would just leave me, but was that what I wanted? Really? Was it, what I wanted?

"Good Mo--orning Lord Eliwood!" I cringed away from the high pitched voice. I smiled, and felt my mask beginning to crack.

"Lady Serra, Good Morning to you. I hope you are well."

"Mostly." Her full lips turned into a half-pout, and she gazed at me with earnestly. "Is there something that troubles you today? Can I help you in anyway?"

Inwardly I recoiled from her. "Nothing at the moment Lady Serra, but if I find myself in need I'll be sure to come to you."

"Certainly, think of going to none other." She skipped off, calling for Erk. I threw insults after her, condemning what might have been her looking for a reward, but made me hate her more then before. She sought her own gain, and delved into others lives. She was...something. I watched her, and then retreated to my tent. It was quiet. I straightened my bed, and moved some clothes. A knife fell from them with a flash of stained metal, and I knelt, and picked it up. It was my knife. My escape.

I looked at the marred surface, and saw my wavering reflection. It seemed to turn into a younger looking face. happy, smiling, tear free, no mask. I scowled, and shoved the knife roughly into my sleeve. It ran up my arm, slicing it deeply. I hadn't meant to do that. I rolled my sleeve up, and pulled the knife out. Blood ran thickly down my arm. I ran my fingers through it, and watched it slide over my fingers, stain the ground. It began to pool around my hand, the ground drank its fill of blood. I smiled. I wiped my knife clean, and slipped it into my tunic. I waited for the blood to stop, and watched it pooling. My arm was red, sliding, living, shining dully with life.

Dead life.

That was what blood was when it left the body. Your death. I knew that, and I wasn't frightened. I heard laughter, and just chuckled. Something made it easy. I watched the blood, and wondered if it made it easier for me to smile.

I grabbed a cloth, and tied off the wound. A small bucket of water was standing in the corner, and I washed my arm in it. The water turned pink, and the blood settled on the bottom like a cloud. I rinsed off the bloody sleeve of my tunic and lay it down it dry. The water would need dumping. The cloud of death swirled as I moved the bucket, and then set it back down. I grabbed up my tunic with the dried blood on it, and slipped it on. I scrubbed the dried blood off, and looked over it to make sure no blood was visible. None showed, but I could see it.

Sliding, flowing, staining.

I grabbed up the bucket, and trudged out. It was getting hotter. People had retreated to their tents, and I was alone. Physically I was alone as I walked. In my mind I could hear laughter, soft trickling laughs. The merged with the stream as I approached it. It gurgled, and laughed at me. It could see that I was trying pitifully to hide the fact I was hating. It saw me through the mask I placed on my face. How could it? Why was it I couldn't fool the babbling stream? Why did it laugh at me too? Why should it care. I listened to its mocking voice. I splashed the water down into the stream, and watched as the cloud swirled into the clear water.

My hand had bled onto the handle of the bucket, aggravated by the abbrasive surface. I placed my hand in the clear running water, and watched it all wash away. It swirled around my hand for a moment, then was washed away from me. The water was cold, fed by mountain streams, and it began to numb any pain I had in my hand. The real pain it couldn't numb. I could find the coldest river, I could lie on ice, but it would still rage in with hot fire.

I filled the bucket again, and walked towards the camp. Blood dripped from my hand, and I knew what my mask was really made of. It was made of my blood. My dead life

A/N: Keehee... It's different from the first chapter, and pitifully short. Waah, I wanted it to be longer, but it just isn't. It's more focused on Eliwood's reactions to other people then his general Insaneness. -.- I'll make the next chapter longer, and put it up sooner. I promise. R&R, reviews are inspiration!


	3. Battle

I watched calmly, and ducked away from the arrow sent at me. It was a simple matter to dodge it, and it hit harmlessly beside me. Serra squealed, and poked it with her foot. A battle raged on around our heads, and you would think we would be frightened in the least bit. None of us were. We were all too battle worn to be frightened any more. With or without truly knowing it we had excepted the fact we were only a hair's breath between death every moment we fought.

No one, except the very strong, were sent out without a partner. Serra, and Matthew were loitering about by me, Serra squealing every time she saw blood. Matthew, being a thief, went for the vulnerable places- neck, stomach, messy things like that. I watched as we advanced, men falling under our feet.

It was strange. Something made my stomach twist into knots.

"Lord Eliwood, Serra, and Matthew! Move forward and attack that group right there!" The tactician yelled over the battle's din. We moved forward, and I found myself facing a pirate. He swung his axe. I ducked his blow, and sunk my sword into his stomach. He pulled back, and swung again. This time if hit me squarely in the arm. Blood seeped down by arm, and the bone shattered. The drew myself together, and dispatched the pirate quickly. For a moment the pain bore me to my knees, and then it was gone after Serra healed me. I still wanted it to be there.

Distracting, bleeding, hurting.

"Lord Eliwood, you should be more careful." Matthew warned casually. I nodded, and hated him. Hector had asked him to watch me, make sure I stayed out of trouble. I hated him. I looked about, and saw Hector fighting. He glanced over at me, and I cast him a smile. I hated him more then anyone, anything, even the murderers of my Father. Nergal, the Black Fang.

I moved slightly, and let a lance slid across my shoulder and ducked so it would pass back over my shoulder easily. The cavalier's horse stamped impatiently, and I watched as another member of our army moved in and killed it. It was almost like a dance. Everyone moving in turn, each move had to be precise, or it was your death. The heat of the battle was upon us, and we grouped closer together. The enemy came from every direction now, and the air was full of arrows, and crackling magic. Thinking of the people who would be left with our mess made me hesitate, and I received another wound. They would be left with our battle field. They would have to pick up the bloody pieces or our war, and live their lives on this ruined soil.

The ground was now a mess of blood, turned up grass, and bodies. The horse picked their way over the fallen men gingerly, and the pegasai refused to land on them. It was a strangely revernt way we went around after the battle. Serra, and Lucius would pray for the dead; whether they were our enemies or someone who tried to help us. To the cleric, and monk they were all the same after they died, or so they said. They died fighting for their cause, and we would die fighting for ours.

My feet slipped out from under me on the bloody grass, and a spear pinned my cloak to the ground. I twisted around, to miss the arrow that was shot at me, and yanked the spear out of my cloak. It weighed heavily in my hand, and I dropped in quickly. There was too much going on not too. Battles were never as orderly as they are told to be no matter how well organized you are at the start. Everyone's fighting for their life, and sometimes they lose.

I fell against someone's back to dodge a blow, and watched the bolting crash haplessly into the ground. Slowly the endless barrage began to let up, the enemies weren't so thick now. We could breath. No one else came, and we were sent near the arena for a rest, and more fighting. I sat down away from the arena entrance, and watched a few of our fighters go in, and out. It was a lull between attacks, and we knew it, but we would take the rest while we could.

I stared up at the sky, and watched the clouds float by in a peaceful way. "Lord Eliwood, you're not injured are you?" A concerned voice asked from above and to my left. I looked up and saw Lowen standing off his horse, bleeding from a gash on his arm.

I frowned. "Myself injured? Lowen, you should be more concerned about yourself. I'm fine, go find a healer, and have them tend to you." Lowen started to protest, but I shook me head. "Lowen, there goes Lucius, he'll tend to you. Now go." Lowen could not refuse a direct order from me, so he walked off.

"You faired well in the battle Eliwood." Lyndis said absently from beside me. I jumped. I had not known she was anywhere near me.

Lyndis smiled in mirth, and apology. "Sorry Eliwood, I though you knew I was here."

"No, it was my fault for not being attentive. Though, you could sneak up on anyone you wanted to." I spoke with a light tone.

Lyndis shook her head. "I can't sneak up on Rath, or Guy."

"It must be the Sacean blood then."

"Of course it is."

"I saw you fighting, Lady Lyndis, you're improving daily."

"Lyndis or Lyn please Eliwood."

"Sorry, Lyndis."

"It alright." Lyndis stretched her arms around her knees, and grinned slightly. "You've been getting better yourself Eliwood, you've not be nearly so clumsy today as you were last time we fought."

I could always trust Lyndis to be blunt about such things. Saceans didn't lie. "I'm afraid I don't know what you mean." I lied. Oh, I knew what she meant. I had been more clear headed then I had for a long while, and had found no reason to let myself abstain unneeded injuries.

"Maybe you don't, but you have been." Lyndis leaned back, and looked up at the clouds like I had been doing a few moments ago. "It's better at night." She muttered.

"What?" I blinked and stared at her.

"The sky is better at night. It's nicer to look at the stars then clouds, I mean." Lyndis explained.

"I guess." I hadn't ever though to compare clouds and stars, they were to different, and irrevalent. Just two other things.

"You should relax more, and take more time looking at nothing." Lyndis advised. "It helps keep yourself calm."

I nearly laughed. Calm? When was the last time I'd been truly calm. Not in years had I been utterly calm at heart. Not even in my sleep now. Every moment of my life was tense, nothing could completely calm me ever again. "I'll try it Lyndis."

Lyndis nodded. "Good."

"More reinforcements are coming!" Florina warned from her high vantage point. "They're moving fast." She added in a hushed voice, flushed from her loud call.

Lyndis stood up, placing a hand lightly on her sword. "I'll see you after the battle Eliwood."

I stood and dusted myself off. "You as well, Lyndis." I was told to stay at the back this time. We regrouped our formation, and I found myself with Wil, and Rebecca. Wil was chattering with Rebecca who did not try to hush him. Even though Wil seemed distracted I knew he was watching the advancing enemies, waiting for them to come in range. The archers bent their bows back as soon as the enemy was in range, and let arrows fly.

I dodged some shot at us, and the battle began again. The healers dashed through the throngs, healing, one moment, and killing the next. The weaker were carefully placed for the stronger bombardment, and the stronger were cutting a way through. It was chaotic again. I was jumbled around, pushed more toward the front. The enemies were stronger now. They waited for a weak unit to be drawn away, then descended on them with every intention of ripping them apart. They were barely saved each time, either by fleeing before their death, or being rescued by a stronger unit.

Once again the enemy forces began to dwindle, but we didn't stop to rest, we pushed froward. It was time to finish the fight. Weapons flashed with renewed energy as the end of the battle came near. The enemy forces tried to regroup, and attack again, but they were outdone. It was easier for our units to fight when they could see the end of battle. The dance become faster, more complicated. Each stroke was faster, harder. I ducked out of the way, and leaned against a doorframe to watch.

Blood coated the ground like rain, and dismembered bodies littered the streets. One by one they enemies were killed, until there was only one left. He was the man supervising the attack, and he watched us with confidence. He was sure he could beat us. I move out of the doorway to get closer o the final fight, and slipped on the blood slick ground.

I stared down at the strange reflection in the blood, and lifted my hand to brush blood flecks from my face. More blood from my hand smeared across my face. It was a futile thing to try to wash the blood from yourself in a battle field. It was impossible. Everything was covered in blood, dead, and emotionless. I stood carefully, and pick my way across the field of death. The last man left was Linus.

I watched the man, one of the Four Fangs, fight bravely, but it was an unfair match. He had Erk, Lucius, and Wil firing at him from out of his range, and Lowen attacking him with a lance. He fought bravely to the end. The battle was finished. There were no victorious shouts, just worn soldiers gasping for breath, and nursing their wounds. Battle wasn't glorious, it was mass slaughter.

Death after Death. Fight after Fight.

"We're done here, let's head to camp, and get moving before anyone else shows up." Hector took charge as I fell into silence. "Serra, Lucius, we'll leave you to your work here." We gathered up our thoughts, weapons, and left. Serra and Lucius prayed earnestly for the fallen people, or it seemed to be in earnest. I always wondered if they were not just praying for a face. It would be a stretch for anyone to pray for their fallen enemies in true earnest. The ones who had tried to kill you while they were alive, and would still be trying if they were not dead. Still they prayed.

"Come on Eliwood, were moving out." Hector rested an arm over my shoulders, and carefully guided me through the maze of bodies.

I tried to relax, but it was hard to. I hated him. "Hector, I'm fine you know."

"I'm not so sure Eliwood, you seem a bit dazed." Hector did not sound worried, or even concerned. I clenched my teeth, and cursed my moment of lapse in mask.

"A little, but it's nothing to worry about." I slipped out from under Hector's arm, and smiled at him. "Just a little tired, that's all." Hector nodded. I let him pass me, and fell to the back of the group. I looked at the blood still on my hands, and stuck to my fingers. It wasn't my blood, but it was someone's blood. Had they had a mask they used? Had their mask been made by their blood? No, I doubted it. I was the only one. No one else knew what I was, and they could not know. How could they? No one knew, and if they did they would not understand. They would only walk away, and leave me alone.

A/N:(Yeah! I have a sticker!) It's longer, okay about three or four sentences longer, but I'm working on it. I'm afraid it's getting redundent. . Hopefully the plot will suface.(Plot plot? I remember no plot.) Oh, and a few thing to the reviewers. Yes Eliwood is over reacting, and not everyone is gossiping. Everyone but Eliwood is attempting to be in character.

AngelcDevil-So you know Eliwood is mad at me, but I tied him up to the ceiling fan, and he's gagged. . If looks could kill I'd be dead. Just remember, just because he starts out phsyocotic, doesn't mean it has to end with him being phsycotic! R&R please.


	4. Ambush

I sat up in a cold sweat. My sheets were wrapped tightly around me, and gripped me like strangling arms. I gasped, and struggled out of them. My hands shook, and my head swam with lingering nightmares. I twisted out of the clinging sheets, and stood shaking. My knees gave out, and I fell to the ground. My breaths were shaking with my hands, each heartbeat banging against my ribs. I leaned back, and placed my hand over my hammering heart.

Night after night I woke terrified. My heart pounding, my body shaking. I could never remember my dreams, I just felt as if something was ready to drag me back into a nameless hell if I feel asleep again. I waited for my legs to regain their strength, and stood. I staggered, and caught myself against one of the supporting tent poles.

Slowly I dressed, and let my eyes slide over the scars crisscrossing my arms. Wounds healed by a staff or vulunary left no scars. These were the scars I had given myself. I splashed my face with some cold water, and walked out. The sun was not up yet, and the early morning was starless. Thick clouds had rolled in, and threatened snow. I chuckled, not the one I used with my mask, but a hollow, dark chuckle. I walked softly past the rows of tents, mentally counting off the inhabitants of each.

I walked out of our camp, and stopped. I sank down to the ground, the nightmare still hounding after me. I could feel it hovering just out of recollection, coiled to spring back upon me, and drag me away. I shrank against the tree, and reached for the small dagger I kept tucked away in my tunic. I drew it, and rolled my sleeve up. Already there were numerous half-healed cuts, and several scars. I ran the knife lightly over my arm, causing a stinging cut. I shivered in the cold night air. Everything was cold. My breath fogged in front of me, and the air I breathed in burnt my lungs. My damp hair was sticking to my head.

A familiar noise brought my head up, and my heart racing. I clenched my dagger in my hand, and rolled onto the balls of my feet. I scanned the woods carefully, my breath held so I could hear better. My heart beat resounded in my ear, and it finally came. An arrow flew out of the underbrush, and I rolled to my feet, ready. I listened carefully, my eyes scanning the woods for additional attackers. I was also considering my options. The soft singing note of a sword being drawn from its scabbard rang loudly in my ears. Now I knew there was more then one. The question was know, who many more were there?

Another arrow flew past me, and when I dodged a myrmidon leapt from behind a tree. I barely had time to right myself before it attacked. I clenched the dagger in my hand, cursing the fact I had left my sword in my tent. I remembered seeing it, and it would be easier with it in my hand, instead of the almost useless dagger there now. I blinked, and lost the myrmidon. That was the problem, myrmidons were fast. I rolled forward to miss an arrow, and barely missed the myrmidon next attack. I hopped to my feet, and plunged the dagger into the myrmidon's chest. It crumpled, and lay still. I watched for the archer. They seemed to have retreated, for no more arrows were fired. I had relaxed, and turned back to camp when a javelin flew from the bushes, barely missing my head.

I whipped around, jumping away from the thrown object, and watched the cavalier canter swiftly from the trees, and grab up his weapon. I waited for him to attack again, planning to attack him when he had no weapon. I watched the javelin's smooth arc, and jumped for the cavalier. My attention had been soully on the cavalier, and as I jumped away from shoving my knife into his heart an arrow hit me. I staggered back in surprise, and looked at the arrow head sticking through my shoulder. I stood still, listening, and finally heard a rustling in the brush. I whipped around, and finally saw the archer crouched among the underbrush. I pretended not to see him, and walked closer. The archer looked back before trying to scoot away, and I jumped. I grabbed a fistful of the archer's tunic, and buried my dagger in his back, as close to his heart as I could. I moved back to the clearing with its two fallen bodies, and looked them over for any sing of who they were with.

There was nothing. They were, I decided, just common bandits. I shivered and looked up at the sky, Snow was starting to fall. I looked back to camp, knowing that it would soon be alive with activity. I rolled forward on the balls of my feet, and was about to stand up when something hit me with a sickening crack. I slumped forward, realizing too late that I hadn't killed the archer. Another arrow hit my arm, and I whipped around. The archer had propped himself against a tree, shaking, and obviously dying. He pulled one last arrow back on his bow string, and fired. I tried to toss myself to the side, but the arrow hit. It drove deep into my chest, puncturing the lung. I fell on my side, wincing in pain. My vision was becoming steadily blurry, and it hurt to breath. Everything faded at the edges, and left.

Hector of Ostia grabbed his axe and walked out into the lightly falling snow. Eliwood, who had developed a habit of sleeping late, was gone. His bed had still been a mess, so Hector had decided the young Lord would return soon. The only thing that worried Hector was Eliwood hadn't taken his sword with him. The battered weapon was sitting quietly in its sheath by Eliwood's bed. Hector shrugged off his faint worry, and looked about the camp. Florina, and Fiora were delighted with the snow, as were there pegasai. Hector liked the snow, but it made it hard to fight.

A brown and red blur dashed up, and Matthew stopped in front of Hector, gasping wildly for breath. "Lord Hector, just the man I wanted to see on this fine morning. Tell me something, I've not been shirking my duties lately in any way."

"I suppose not." Hector wondered at the thief.

"Great, then could I ask one small favor of you, my liege?" Matthew looked pleadingly at Hector. "Please hurry with your answer, I'm in dire peril while you think."

"Sure, but why." Hector was surprised to find a bucket shoved at him.

"I was supposed to get some water for the kitchen, but I ran into Guy. It seems he and Serra are in league with each other, and now they're both chasing me."Matthew explained hurriedly.

"Ma---athe---ew!" Serra called loudly. "Where are you!" Matthew cringed, and ducked behind Hector.

"Fine, I'll do it." Hector his a smile.

"Thank you, you have no idea how much I appreciate this, Milord!" Matthew said breathlessly, then he was off. Guy came dashing past, looking murderous, and missing a hair holder. Hector sighed, knowing he should have thought to ask why Guy was chasing the thief this time. Serra came running by at a slower pace, and stopped when she saw Hector.

"Lord Hector! Good Morning!" Serra chirped in her high soprano voice. "Have you seen Matthew?"

Hector nodded. "He went that way." Hector pointed in the opposite direction Matthew, and Guy had gone. It was one thing for Matthew to be chased down and gutted by Guy, but it was another entirely for him to be caught by Serra.

"Thank you! Serra grinned, and jogged slowly off. Hector swung the bucket in his hand, and headed for the river they had camped by. He passed one of the sentries, Lucius, who was sitting on a tree stump, humming to himself.

"Good Morning Lord Hector." He greeted.

"Good Morning Lucius." Hector nodded to the bishop, and walked down the slightly visible trail to the river. He whistled as he walked, trying to drown out the silence that always accompanied snow. It muffled every sound, and made Hector nervous. He wound his way to the river, and dipped the bucket into the cold water. A bright red bird sang out passionately from its forlorn perch on a dead branch, and reminded Hector vaguely of Eliwood. Bright, and optimistic in the darkest situations.

Though something about his friend had begun bothering him. He couldn't exactly say what it was, but the red head wasn't acting right. First Hector had attributed it to the death of Lord Elbert, but it had been months ago, and Eliwood was still acting strangely. He was never around people when he could help it, and Hector had seen his shoot strangely abhorring looks at people from under his bangs. He hadn't really talk to Hector since his Lord Elbert died. Certainly he had carried on meaningless conversations with him, but it always seemed forced, like Eliwood was trying hard to hide something. Another thing was the fact Eliwood hadn't said anything about his father's death to Hector. Never an 'I miss him', or anything like that. Just meaningless silence, or maybe it wasn't do meaningless.

Hector forgot to whistle on his way back to camp, caught up in his thoughts the red bird had brought on. Hector finally stopped, realizing he had gotten of the trail while he thought. he muttered to himself, and was about to head back to the trail when he saw something. A body sprawled out on the ground. Instantly Hector was alert. He walked forward cautiously, and prodded the body with his foot. It didn't move. Hector rolled it over, and checked for a pulse. There was none. He looked it over quickly for an insignia, and found none. He noted the stab wound in the back, and decided to check for more bodies. He'd hear it from Lyn if he didn't know everything there was to know about the incident. He found a discarded bow, and the underbrush got very thick. Hector put an arm in front of his face to shield it, and pushed through into a clearing.

A horse stood dejectedly over a body, and another lay near Hector's feet. He frowned, and check the body near him for a wound. Like the other body it had a single stab wound, but on its chest. Hector started towards the body the horse was standing over, but he stopped short when he saw the third body. The familiar red hair had drawn his attention, but then he saw the blood on his lips, and how pale he was. Hector dashed to Eliwood's side, and felt carefully for a pulse. The bucket full of water dropped to the ground, forgotten. Hector breathed slight sigh of relief when he found a pulse. It was faint, but there. The red head had an arrow through his shoulder, His arm, his leg, and the one lodged in his chest. He was still breathing, but they were shallow breaths that gurgled.

"Eliwood." Hector shook the red head gently. "Eliwood, wake up." Eliwood didn't stir. Hector swore to himself, and decided what to do. Eliwood might not last long enough to bring a healer to him, but could he be moved with out being killed? Hector listened to the shallow breaths which we becoming more erratic as he listened, and carefully set to work. He snapped the head off the arrow in Eliwood's shoulder, and carefully pulled the stout shaft out. Eliwood stirred slightly. His face drawing tight with pain.

Hector tied a strip of cloth from his cloak around the wound, and did the same to the wound in his leg, and arm. Hector left the arrow in his chest alone, and carefully gathered the young lord in his arms. He was surprised at how light Eliwood was, but thought little of it as he quickly made his way back to camp. He hoped he'd run into Lucius on the edge of camp. Hector went as fast as he could, and broke the tree cover panting. He was glad to see Lucius still sitting on the tree stump.

"Lord Hector!" Lucius jumped off his stump, and hurried over. "Is that...?"

"It's Eliwood, and he'd alive, but not by much." Hector explained quickly. Lucius looked over the young noble quickly, and frowned.

"I need to find Sister Serra, or Lady Priscilla." Lucius told Hector. "The arrow has to be removed before we can heal him." Lucius beckoned for Hector to follow him, and walk quickly into the camp. The first person they saw was Erk.

Lucius snagged the sage by his sleeve, and whispered urgently to him. Erk glanced at Eliwood, and trotted off. Lucius continued on, and lead Hector to a tent. The bishop helped Hector set Eliwood down on a bed, and began to carefully undo his tunic. Serra came running in, gasping, and flushed.

She walked over to help Lucius, and squealed. "Ooh! It's worse then Erkie said it was!" Lucius nodded, and the two carefully set to work.

"We'll need a dagger to get the arrow out..." Lucius said to himself. He stood up, picking up Eliwood's tunic, and a silver dagger fell out of the cloth. He blinked in surprise, and knelt to pick up the weapon. He examined it, and shook his head. "We'll need a clean one." Priscilla, and Erk came in at that moment, Erk with a pan of hot water, with a dagger resting in it.

"We came as fast as we could." Priscilla rested a hand on her chest, and came over to looked at Eliwood. "Can we really save him?"

"Of course we can." Serra answered in a brisk tone. "If Erkie dear will hurry up with that water."

Erk brought the water over, and scowled at Serra. "Don't call me 'Erkie dear'."

Serra shrugged. "Fine, now you hurry up Lucius."

"Right." Lucius spoke in his soft voice, kneeling down, and taking the dagger from the water. He had pulled his long hair back into a quick ponytail, and rolled his sleeves up past his elbows. "Lord Hector, and Erk, if you'll hold him down I'd appreciate it." Lucius waited for the two to get in place, and took deep steadying breath. He instructed Serra to help him, and had Priscilla stand by with a mend staff. With a slightly shaky hand Lucius carefully cut the skin around the arrow. Crimson welled up around the cut, and spilled over. Eliwood twitched slightly, but stilled. Lucius glanced at his patient's face, and went back to work quickly. Eliwood soon became more violent in his struggles, but he hadn't uttered a sound yet. Lucius finally found the arrow's head, and it was lodged between Eliwood's ribs. Carefully the bishop removed the arrow, causing more blood to flow, and Eliwood to gasp in pain. His breathing came faster and shallower.

Lucius looked over the wound one more time, and sat back. "Lady Priscilla, now." Priscilla nodded, and gentle touched the orb of her staff to Eliwood. The wound began to slowly mend before their eyes, and was soon gone. Eliwood took a deep breath, and began coughing.

"Sit him up, and lean him over a bit." Serra commanded. Hector did as told, and Eliwood started coughing harder. Serra dug a handkerchief out of a pocket, and held it to Eliwood's mouth. Soon the cloth was flecked with blood. Eliwood stopped, coughing, and relaxed slightly.

"You can lay him back down now." Lucius told Hector. "He's finished coughing." Lucius was washing his hands in the water Erk had brought. Hector nodded, and lay Eliwood back down.

"Alright now, shows over." Serra shooed Erk, and Priscilla out of the tent with her bloody handkerchief. "Need any more help Brother Lucius?"

No, I've got it." Lucius assured her. Serra nodded, and trotted out with a yell of 'E---erkie dear! Wait for me!'. Lucius smiled slightly, and began checking Eliwood's other wounds. He prodded gently at the fast fading mark where the arrow in his shoulder had been, and nodded in satisfaction.

"He'll be just fine as soon as he wakes up." Lucius assured Hector when he saw the worried expression on his face. "But he might not wake up for a while, his wounds were unattended for a while."

"Thank you Lucius."

Lucius nodded, and bowed before trotting out, muttering softly about getting the blood out of his robes. Hector stood looking curiously at Eliwood, and wondered what he had been doing so far away from camp so early in the morning with out his sword. Hector picked up the dagger that had dropped out of Eliwood's tunic, and examined it. At first he thought it was the dagger Eliwood kept in his boot for emergencies, but it wasn't. It didn't have Pheare's symbol on it, and it was too short. To confirm that it wasn't the dagger Eliwood kept in his boot Hector reached his hand in Eliwood's right boot, and pulled the dagger out of it. He frowned, and examined the two. With a shrug Hector stuck Eliwood's dagger back in it's respective boot, and lay the other on Eliwood's tunic.

Hector grabbed a blanket from one bed, and tossed it over Eliwood. He stopped, and looked more closely at Eliwood's arms. He frowned at the scars that he was sure hadn't been there before. Hector thought back, making sure. The last time he hadn't been too busy to notice something like that would have been when they were back in Cealin. They had stopped near a large pond, and since it was hot, they'd gone swimming. He was sure he would have noticed the scars then if they'd been there. His frown deepened when he saw how close some of the scars were to Eliwood's wrists, and the inside of his elbows. Hector finished laying the blanket over Eliwood, and sat down on one of the beds. He had some questions for Eliwood when he woke up, and he had a feeling he wasn't going to like all the answers he was going to get.

A/N:-.- Stone me, Kill me if you want.... I write slowly....Thanks for the reviews! It's graet to hear people like the story. We got out of Eliwood's POV, but we'll be back in at during the next chapter. See you, R&R.


	5. Confrontation

"He's not awake yet?" Lyndis asked as she walked into the tent.

Hector looked up, and shook his head."Still sleeping. Do you want an account of what happened, just like everyone else has?"

"No, I heard what happened from Matthew, and I think I've gotten it straight." Lyndis tapped her head, and sat down beside Hector. "You think he's really awake, and just doesn't want us to know?" She asked after a moment of thought.

"I doubt it." Hector shook his head. "He's never put anyone through any unnecessary anxiety when he could help it."

"He's certainly different from someone else I know." Lyndis muttered under her breath.

Hector rolled his eyes at her, too tired to be baited into a fight. "That's nice."

Lyndis frowned. "You alright Hector, you seem preoccupied."

Hector nodded, thinking of the scars he had found, now hidden under a blanket. "Just worrying."

"I've not known you to worry about much." Lyndis observed. "But I suppose it had to do with Eliwood, right?"

Hector nodded. "That's right."

"Don't worry, he'll be fine." Lyndis smiled, and stood up. "I have to run, I promised to spar with Sain, and Kent." With a wave the Sacean disappeared from the tent. Hector looked at the red head lying on the bed across from him, wishing his recovery were the only thing he was worried about. What had pushed the normally cheerful boy to hurt himself, or, Hector frowned at the new thought, was Eliwood not the one hurting himself? Hector shook his head, discarding the thought. No one in the camp seemed capable of that, but he had never thought Eliwood was capable of doing what it seemed he had.

Hector looked hard at the peaceful, sleeping face, and willed him to wake up.

I woke abruptly from my dream, and found myself staring at the ceiling of a tent. I shivered, realizing I wasn't wearing my tunic. I thought, casting my memory back to find out why I was lying in bed. The ambush....

Wondering faintly who had found me I rolled over, feeling only stiff, and muddled in thought. I stepped gingerly out of bed, and grabbed a clean tunic which had been folded, and lain by my bed. I saw my knife lying on the blood stained tunic, and I slipped it into my sleeve. I began to think up a story to explain what I had been doing out alone without my sword.

"So, you're finally up." A tired voice spoke from behind me. I jumped, my heart leaping wildly into my throat.

"And nervous." Hector walked into the tent, bringing with him a waft of cold air. I turned, and smiled, almost happy to see him for some reason, but why should I be happy to see him? I felt empty, and cold.

"All things considered, I think you would be as well." I reasoned happily, trying to shirk my feelings and put my mask more plainly in place.

"I would be, but I want to ask you some questions." Hector said, and he become very serious. "What were you doing out alone without your sword?"

That was the question I'd been waiting for. "I wanted to go for a walk, and I forgot about my sword." I grinned sheepishly. "I'll try to be more careful next time."

Hector sighed, and ran hand through his short hair. "You do that, or next time you'll end up worse then you did."

"How bad did I end up this time?" I asked curiously. I couldn't help but think I hadn't convinced him that was all I'd been doing.

"You nearly died, and you should be glad I came by that way." Hector was still serious. It as a big deal to him. I wondered if would have been better if he hadn't found me. If I had died. But did I really want to die? Was I ready to go that far? Was everything that bad? I thought of the many times I had considered it, and knew my answer. It was only a as far away as the edge of a knife.

"Eliwood." The tone in Hector's voice made my stomach lurch, and I nearly recoiled from his hand as he put it on my shoulder. "While they were fixing you up I noticed some scars on your arm...." I blinked at him innocently, and looked blank for a moment before false recognition dawned on my face. My inside were churning, my mind was racing.

"Oh, those well," I felt my face flush a little in anger, hoping Hector would think of it as embarrassment. "They're pretty old actually." Hector seemed to relax a little.

"How old?" He asked.

"A few years." I said absently, as if I was over it. "Nothing recent." I assured him with another smile. Hector shook his head, and I tried to duck around him and get away. When had he started caring? Why was he concerned about some scars I had? Hector grabbed me by the arm, and I pulled against his arm at first, then stopped. He had something he was going to say, and he wasn't going to let me go till he said it. There was no way I could break his hold on my arm.

"No, there not that old. You didn't have them when we were back in Cealin." Hector seemed hurt. "What've you been doing to yourself Eliwood?" I recoiled from him, surprised, dreading, and my head began to spin again. I looked up, and glared at him from under my bangs. He stepped back, surprised.

"What's it to you?" I asked bitterly, letting the hate I always felt slide into my voice, and then I smiled cheerily. Hector loosened his hold on my arm, and I yanked it from his hold. I turned quickly, and walked towards the tent entrance.

"Eliwood, wait!" Hector commanded, but I ignored him. I pushed out into the snow, and made my way quickly. I ran away from Hector, not wanting to stay around him. I finally stopped, wincing as my lung protested sharply against so much use while it was still weak.

I clenched my hands, and waited for him to come running, realizing I wanted him to come after me. I blinked, startled by the new thought. But he wouldn't, he never did. I suppressed the new thoughts with hate, and walked stiffly on.

"Lord Eliwood." It was Serra. She came hurrying through the snow, her face full of concern. "Should you really be up? You have bene through an _awful_ ordeal." She looked at me, checking me for signs of weakness.

"I feel fine now, juts a little stiff." I smiled at her. "Thank you for asking."

"Anytime, I should go find Brother Lucius, and tell him your up." She winked, and trotted off, whistling to herself. I turned, and started back on my way. The snow was just past my ankles.

"Eliwood." Lyndis came jogging quickly up, her cheeks bright from cold. "Good to see you up, I was wondering if you ever would."

"I'm up now."

"Hector was worried about you. Does he know you're up?" She asked, leaning her hand on her knees. She had obviously been doing something else before coming to greet me. It took more then a short jog to get the Sacean out of breath.

I thought bitterly of our short confrontation, and nodded. " I did."

"Lady Lyndis! We're done!" Sain called from a small patch of ground that had been cleared for a sparring ring. "You're up against Kent now!"

"Coming!" Lyndis called to Sain. "See you later Eliwood."

"See you." Lyndis trotted back to the sparring ring, ready for the mock fight. I smiled and walked away. I found myself wandering around camp, being greeted by several concerned people, but I didn't see Hector. I walked into my tent, and scanned the empty place. I walked over to the water basin in the corner, and splashed the cold water on my face, half hoping to wake myself from the night mare I seemed to be in. I didn't want to see Hector again, I didn't want to 'talk to him', I just wanted to be left alone. Didn't I? I was confused. I sat down, my head rested on my knees, and I thought. I couldn't sort out how I felt, and soon the confused emotions threatened to over whelm me. I reached into my sleeve almost automatically, and drew the knife from my sleeve.

I rolled up my sleeve, and placed the cold metal on my skin. The troubling thoughts still rolled around in my head, but as the blade bit into my skin it seemed less confusing. All the emotions were replaced by pain, much realer, and easier then the emotions were. I had to avoid Hector, I didn't want to talk, and he wouldn't care if we did. He wouldn't care at all. Solidified in my thinking again I slipped the knife away, and pressed a cloth to my arm to slow the bleeding.

Hector walked alone on thought. He had stopped trying to follow Eliwood, thinking about what his friend had done. He had rarely seen Eliwood look at anyone like that, and never had he been knowingly on the receiving end of such a glare. It had been worse then looking into the eyes of your worst enemy, and more thought provoking. Hector had ruled out abuse, and was dwelling on the darker, and perhaps less believable answer. From the reaction he got from Eliwood they weren't scars from battle. He walked past Lyndis sparring with Kent, and thought about pulling her aside to talk with her. Hector almost called to her, but stopped. He wanted to talk to Eliwood first.

Hector walked into the tent, and found it empty. There was no sign Eliwood had been there, except, Hector cringed, a red streak across his bed sheets. Hector ran his fingers over the streak, and found it still wet. He hadn't been gone long. Hector considered going after Eliwood, but at the moment he also needed to think. He thought back to the glare Eliwood had given him, and decided the more urgent thing was to find Eliwood before he did something drastic. Then again, the red-head had been pretty drastic already. Hector shoved his way out into the snow intent on finding his elusive prey. Hector was surprised to see Lucius, and Lowen walking up, Lowen looking anxious, and Lucius calm.

"Lord Hector, have you seen Lord Eliwood? I don't think he should be up yet." Lucius spoke with a slight touch of concern in his voice.

"I was just going to find him actually." Hector told them. "Lowen, would you mind helping us find him?"

"N-no sir, Lord Hector!" Lowen was always nervous around the Lords.

"Thank you Sir Lowen. If you find him just bring him back to the Medical tent, and I'll make sure he's alright." Lucius gave a small bow before trotting off.

"You heard him, see you Lowen." Hector started off quickly, hoping to find Eliwood before anyone else. The others wouldn't now why Eliwood had the scars, and they wouldn't be to worried about them. Feeling suddenly anxious Hector collared Matthew into the search, and hurried on his way.

A/N:-.- Short once again, and not very progressive. Thank you all reviewers! I'm glad people like it. Eliwood's not though...... I've had this written for a while, but I've been to lazy to edit it completely. I don't know if it's completely error proof now, but we'll see. Jaa ne.


	6. Threats

I had avoided him two days. It wasn't as hard as I thought it would be. We were all busy. Another battle, and a quest to find an heirloom of the royal family of Bern. I scooted behind Merlinus's wagon, and waited for Hector to walk by with Oswin. He hadn't told anyone else, and I thought he'd forgotten. Even if he had I wasn't taking any chances. I found myself walking alone finally, knowing that it would only be an hour until we stopped, and made camp.

Priscillia, and Erk walked by talking, their voices quite. I watched them go, and felt a frown trying to break onto my face. I shoved it back, and hunched my back against the chilling wind.

After we stopped I moved off to the people who I didn't know well. I was helping Guy, Heath, and Rath pitch tents. None of them talked, and I was glad for the silence. It gave me time to think, and they wouldn't notice the slight frown on my face. They weren't, they wouldn't.......

I jerked my head up, and scooted behind a tent. Hector walked by, talking happily to Oswin about something. Both of them laughed, and I clenched my hands. And turned back to my work after they left. I bit my lip, trying to keep my mind on the task at hand. Something was bothering me again, a longing to be known. I fought it down, remembering what it had brought me before.

I finished my work, and walked off into the biting wind. I stood outside, feeling the wind whip my hair around wildly, force my breath back into my mouth. I closed my eyes, remembering the hard winter winds of Pheare. I could see the city walls, and clearly remember being there, sitting in the wind. My legs hanging dangerously over the edge off the wall, my arms spread, fingers feeling the strong air current moving between them. I pulled on glove off, and let the wind run over my fingers, biting at them with it's bitter cold.

I had been all alone on the wall, but here I was surrounded by people. Even though that was different, some things didn't change. Some things never changed. I couldn't change.

"I though it would be too cold for most people today." A soft, melodious voice spoke from beside me. It sent tingled up my spine for some reason, and I felt a small smile slide into place.

"I used to go outside on days like this just to be in the wind." I explained. "Mind you they weren't as cold as these."

"I see." Ninian smiled. It was a soft smile, and it seemed to hold an amount of sadness that shouldn't be in a smile. Even though it was so cold Ninian was only wearing a light wrap. It would seem that such a delicate looking person would be bundled up, but she seemed comfortable. The winds played her hair around her face, but it didn't seem to be blowing around wildly. It seemed to play with the wind, dancing in the frigid currents.......

"If you'll excuse me Ninian, I need to be going." I excused myself.

"Good day to you, Lord Eliwood." She bowed. I hurried off, my mind a jumble of thoughts. Most everyone had retreated to the relative warmth of their tents, but I saw a few people walking quickly to a sheltered place. I pushed into my tent relieved to be out of the wind, my ears aching, and froze when I saw who was there. It was Hector. He had been polishing his axe, and looked up when I came in. He seemed just as surprised as I was. I took a hurried step back, and had almost push back outside when Hector jumped to his feet, and caught my arm.

"Wait Eliwood, we need to talk." He said, but he knew we both knew that. His eyes portrayed a mix of determination, and hurt. I stood looking at his hand wrapped around my wrist. I couldn't break his hold on my wrist easily, and he wasn't going to be surprised like he was last time. I decided to feign ignorance.

"We do?" I looked up innocently, eyes widely curious. "About what?"

"Eliwood, stop it, you know what we need to talk about." Hector spoke firmly, his voice holding a cold authoritative ring he must have learned from his brother.

"I can't say I do." I smiled. "Will you let go of my arm?"

"Not until we talk."

"Fine." I didn't let the tone of my voice waver, and I twisted my arm. It was a sharp twist, and Hector didn't expect it. I freed my arm, leaving Hector with a glove in his hand, and dashed out into the cold. I heard Hector behind me, running as well. I had one thing over Hector, I was faster. I ran out of camp, and began looking for a place to hide It was rather mountainous country, and I soon found a small gorge. I slowed down, and pressed a hand to my aching chest. The wind howled over the gorge, and I started running again.

I couldn't hide here, I had to keep going. I rounded a corner, and started walking again. My throat burned from breathing the cold air, and I couldn't run any farther. I paused, looking around at the snow dusted place, and something caught my arm. I whipped around, my keyed up nerves acting before my mind could, and drew the dagger from my sleeve, ready to attack whatever it was.

It was Hector.

I tested his grip on my arm, wincing under its pressure. "Let go."

"No, I'm not letting you go until we talk." Hector told me.

I looked up, steadily meeting his gaze. "We have nothing to talk about."

"Oh yes, we do."Hector gave me a stern look that reminded me of a teacher reprimanding a pupil.

"Nothing I can think of." I leaned back against his hold.

"Eliwood, stop it. I'm you friend you can tell me if something's bothering you." Hector was trying a different approach to get me to talk. There sympathy in his voice. I tensed; I hated sympathy. I hated him talking like he knew how to make things better for me. The dagger was clenched in my hand, and thought unbidden flashed through my mind. They were strangely appealing, and appalling at the same time. I couldn't kill him, could I?

"Let go." My voice was low, and I was trying not to look at him. "Just let me go."

"So you can do what?" Hector's voice had lost all the sympathy it had held. He was getting angry. I was already angry. My thoughts a muddle of anger, hate, and pain.

"You care what I do?" I asked. Up until then I had kept my voice under control, not letting anything slide through, but my mask dropped with a crack. My voice was cold, and biting even to my own ears.

Hector didn't look surprised. " Yes, I do." I twisted my arm, but he still held it tight.

"Funny time to start caring." I snapped, looking at him again. A strange smile twisted its way onto my face.

"I've always care-" Hector started.

"Oh, yes of course you have." I interrupted sarcastically. "You my good friend aren't you? The valiant helper of our group, and what am I? A clown, a small splash of red humor in everyone's days."

Hector seemed to catch the 'red splash of humor' more then anything else, and looked to the knife my hand. "Eliwood listen your making this a lot harder then it has to be. I'm trying to help you."

"Who said I needed your help, or any one else's for that matter." I asked. The metal of the knife was still cold in my hand.

"Do you not need help, or would it just be easier not to get any help?" Hector asked. I paused. I had thought that before, wondering if I really didn't want someone to find out. Wondering if I really was so different that no could understand me. Maybe he did know, but why didn't he try to help me before? Why didn't he see? Why hadn't he? I felt sick, dizzy, and weak. My mind was fighting over itself, each part trying to gain control.

What did I want? I didn't know. Everything was confusing, so hard, but it didn't have to be. I could end it all. Everything could be over in a few short moments. I had the escape in my hand. My free hand. I could get away, and I could stop this. It could all be over.......

I moved, flipping the dagger in my hand.

"Eliwood!" There was a surprised cry, and a hand grabbed my other wrist. I glared at Hector. His other hand was now wrapped firmly around my wrist, and he wasn't about to let go. He twisted my hand to a painful angle, making me gasp, and drop the knife. "What is wrong with you?"

I twisted against his tight hold, not wanting to answer, because I didn't know. Or maybe I did, and I just didn't want to. "Let me go." I insisted. Leaning aback against his hands, fighting his grip like a child fighting the grip of an accusing peer. I didn't want to be there.

"No." Hector sounded shaken. "Eliwood-"

"Stop talking to me! Leave me alone!" I yelled angrily. I was desperate. "Just go away, and stop acting like you care."

"I'm not acting." Hector tried to stop my struggling, but I wrenched one arm free.

"Then why haven't you known? Why weren't you ever there!" My voice cracked, my mouth making words on its own. "Why didn't you _say_ something?"

"Why wasn't I where?" His voice held a tone of relief I nearly missed.

I looked at him, fighting desperately. "Go away!" My mind was now jumbled with panic, anger. All I knew was there was something holding me, and I needed to escape. "Let go!" I pulled my other arm, trying to break his hold. "Let me go!"

"Eliwood stop it!" Hector reached forward, grabbing for my free arm. My feet slipped out from under me, and I hit the ground roughly. My free hand landed on my knife, the keen edge sliced through my palm easily, leaving a crimson streak across the light dusting of snow. I grabbed the dagger in my hand, and Hector visibly stiffened. The pain in my hand was overriding the emotional pain that swirled around in my mind.

"Lord Hector! Lord Eliwood!" A breathless yell echoed down the gorge. I yanked my hand from Hector's hold, falling back, and glaring at him murderously. I stood up quickly, watching Hector warily, the dagger positioned awkwardly across the wrist of the hand it was in. I watched him, and slid my hand behind my back when Matthew came running up.

"Finally... I found you..." Matthew leaned his hands against his knees. "The....Tactician... wants both of you, something about.. the Fire Emblem, and the............" Matthew looked at us, and frowned. "Am I interrupting something?"

"No, Hector and I are finished talking." I stepped forward, my hands behind my back. "Thank you for telling us, we'll be going." Matthew nodded, and trotted back towards camp. I followed, and Hector caught me roughly be the shoulder.

"We're not done." He hissed.

"Oh yes, we are." I smiled innocently back at him. "Aren't we." He glanced at my hands, catching my threat, and his frown deepened.

"Eliwood listen, you can't-" Hector looked more disturbed then he had before.

"Can not, or may not?" I asked sweetly.

"Listen, I'm you friend-" I laughed softly.

"I'm afraid I don't know what that means, you'll have to explain it to someone who cares." I smiled at the look on his face. Blood dripped off my hand, and I held it up to examine it. I looked from my hand to Hector. In an act purely off defiance, to prove he had no control over me, I licked some of the blood off my hand.

/Third Person/

Eliwood gave Hector a sickening grin, and walked off. Hector grimaced, and looked at the bright red blotches on the snow. He needed help with this, but know he couldn't tell anyone. Eliwood's threat had been vague, but Hector though he knew what it was. 'Tell anyone what I'm doing, and I'll kill myself.' After what Eliwood had said it might be a relief to die, but Hector wasn't about to lose him. After all they'd been through battling the Black Fang Hector wasn't about to let Eliwood kill himself.

If only Matthew hadn't come by with a message from the tactician Hector might have been able to get across to his slipping friend. If it was the last thing he would did he collar the boy, and set him right even if it meant dragging the entire camp into it. Eliwood wouldn't appreciate it, but if it was the only way the so be it. Now it as only a matter of getting Eliwood away from any sharp objects, and talking to him for an long time. Hector thought of the fact they were traveling with a small army, and the only thing that wasn't sharp was heavy enough to knock someone's head in. Hector groaned, and trudged hurriedly up the hill.

Hector jogged past Eliwood, and caught up to Matthew. "Hey Matthew, can you ask the tactician to wait a second?"

Matthew shook his head. "Nope, tactician said that we were about to launch an attack on the Black Fang's stronghold in the mountains to get the Fire Emblem back, and every needed to come, especially all the Lords." Hector sighed, and fell back behind Eliwood again. If he couldn't talk to him, he'd just have to watch him very, very carefully.

A/N: O---okay, Eliwood got a little out of hand there, and a little icky, okay alot icky . . Need I mention again this is AU? Thanks for all the reviews! R&R, Jaa ne!


	7. Fear

Hector slipped in the mud, and grabbed desperately at the nearest solid object. After months of snow they had gotten rain, and what a rain it was. For the past two days that hadn't seen sun or moon, just drizzling rain that sometimes broke into buckets or torrential rain for a change sometimes. They had finally been forced to stop after Merlinus' wagon got stuck, and the horses threatened to break a leg in the treacherous footing. The ground was mud, and promised for interesting sleeping conditions. They never could find an Inn when they most needed it.

A voice singing slightly off key in the gloomy night told Hector he had come upon one of the sentries. It was a bright cheery song, but song just softly enough to allow the singer to hear anyone approaching. Hector was surprised to here a childish tenor raised with the other deeper voice for a few lines, then the piping music of a flute. Hector came up to the serenaders, Sain leaning a against a tethering post, and nils sitting on top of it, playing his flute. He stood, listening to the out of place song, and felt a smile tug at his lips. Nils cracked an eye open, and looked at him with surprise, but the music didn't falter.

The song finished, the last strains of voice, and flute faded away into the misty night, and Hector chuckled. Sain jumped slightly, and gave Hector a respective half-bow. "You enjoyed the serenade mi'lord?" Sain asked hopefully. Hector supposed the singing had been more for the female members of camp then anyone else.

"If I were more tone deaf I would have something nice to say about it." Hector spoke gruffly. "Aren't you supposed to be keeping watch?"

Sain nodded, unabashed by Hector's thoughts of his singing. "I am, and you have nothing to fear while I'm on watch." He grinned, and slipped in the mud. Hector snorted, and Nils laughed.

"I feel much safer, don't you Lord Hector?" Nils asked, a mischievous light playing in his eyes.

"Completely." Hector agreed, sounding as solemn as he could.

Sain poked his lower lip out in a fake pout, and crossed his arms over his chest. "Your lack of faith in my capabilities wounds me, Lord Hector." Hector rolled his eyes. Nils giggled, and turned to face Hector.

"How had Lord Eliwood been doing? He looked a little more bedraggled then usual when I saw him earlier." Nils asked.

Hector tried not to wince. He still had to find him. "He's been a little worse off then usual." He admitted.

"He seemed fine to me." Sain piped up. "He was carrying on a very jovial sounding conversation with Marcus while we were walking." _How well you have everyone fooled. _Hector thought drearily.

"It seemed forced to me." Nils observed idly. '"Ninian agreed with me." _Maybe not everyone. _Hector nodded.

"I'm going to get out of the rain." Hector muttered, brushing water from his brow. "If anything sneaks into camp that's not supposed to be there I'll now who to blame." Sain snapped of a sloppy salute, and muttered something that made Nils laugh. Hector sighed, and wondered why Lyndis hadn't knocked his head in soon after she met him. It seemed strange someone of her temperament would put up with someone for very long.

He made his way through the wet, giving brief 'hellos' to the sentry's, and stopping to talk with Oswin about some problem or another they were having with moldy grain. Hector finally pushed the flap of his tent open, and walked into the semi-dry interior. Due to the sudden leaks in several tents people had been jumbled around, and now Lowen, Marcus, and Matthew were staying in a tent with Eliwood, and Hector. It was a tight fit, but Eliwood wasn't there. No surprise there. Hector hadn't seem hide nor hair of his elusive friend since their short, and unproductive talk. Hector leaned his axe against a support pole. He sighed and stood dripping.

"Has Eliwood been here?" He asked.

"He was here half an hour ago, or more." Matthew said. He looked suitably wet, and had a splotch of mud on his cheek.

"Great." Hector flopped down on the missing lord's bed, and sat down a piece of crumpled paper. He looked at the crumpled thing, and started unfolding it carefully. Written across it in ink was a short message that made Hector shiver.

_Sorry to 'worry' you, since you seemed so 'concerned' before. It will all be over soon, and you won't have to 'worry' any more._

_Eliwood_

Hector made a face, and thought What did he mean? Certainly he wasn't going to.........Hector stood up quickly, and swore violently. Lowen, and Marcus looked up, surprised by his outburst, but Matthew continued doing what ever he was doing.

"......Lord Hector?" Marcus questioned. Hector grabbed his axe up, and stuffed the paper into a pocket.

"How long did you say Eliwood's been gone?" Hector asked roughly.

"More then half an hour." Matthew repeated himself. "What's gotten you so worked up?"

"Too long...." Hector muttered. "Listen, go round up more people, and start looking for Eliwood."

"Why?" Matthew asked. Voicing the question that the cavalier, and paladin were too well taught to ask.

"Because he's in trouble." Hector snapped. That made Marcus move quickly. Lady Eleanor had trusted him to watch over Eliwood. Hector pushed out into the rain, and waited for the three to start off before going himself. He found the nearest sentry, or where the nearest sentry should have been. Erk, the sentry for this side of the camp, was laid out cold. Hector rolled him over, checking to make sure he was only unconscious, and dragged him into the nearest tent. It was the cooking tent, and no one was there. The sage would live, and Hector had more important things to do.

Hector walked out into the dismal drizzle that was growing steadily heavier. Hector trudged through the muck, cursing his timing, and Eliwood's psychotic behavior. Though, if he wanted to die, why had he left a note? It was unsettling. Of course Eliwood couldn't have waited for the rain to let up, or for the group to get out of the mountains......

Hector slipped down a steep bank, and floundered to the bottom. He spat out a mouthful of mud, and cursed again, putting to use many words he had rarely spoken aloud before, and never though would be directed at his red-haired friend. He clambered to his feet, slipped, and stumbling in the squelching, grabbing mud. There were other things, bramble, rock, and twisted roots that tried to tip him over any chance they got. Everything seemed to be conspiring against him.

"Eliwood!" Hector bellowed into the rain. He didn't expect a reply, but it was worth a shot. "Darn it Eliwood, answer me!" He sighed, and frustratingly flicked his wet bangs from where they had plastered themselves to his forehead. The rain was still falling harder then ever.

The hairs on the back of his neck stood up, and Hector whipped around. The undeniable hiss of a weapon being drawn made Hector tense, his own weapon pulled to the ready, and waiting tensely. His vision was limited in the rain, but he could just make out the gleam of a weapon. He decided it was a sword as it and its wielder came hurtling towards his head. Hector, in mild annoyance, wondered if the entire continent was plotting against him helping his suicidal friend. Twice already he'd tried to get answers from Eliwood, but each attempt had fallen apart. He brought his axe up, and parried the blow easily.

"Darn you, I don't have _time _for this." Hector growled, sending the attacker flying with a swing off his axe. It slid across the mud with a cry, and Hector grinned in satisfaction. When mad there was nothing better then beating up hapless attackers. "You can either get out of my way, or continue trying to fight me. I should warn you, I'm ticked, and you're not helping matters." A loud battle cry was the only warning Hector had that there was not only one attacker. He whipped around, and batted away the incoming hand-axe. "The warning goes for you to!" Hector slammed his elbow into the offending brigands face, and sent the man flying as well. The footing betrayed him again, and he staggered to keep his balance.

The first attacker, seeing this as a opportunity, leapt back up, and made to chop off Hector's head. It missed, the blow glancing harmlessly of Hector shoulder as he righted himself. Hector came around axe first, and the man found himself with a axe in his stomach. He slid gasping to the ground and Hector mercifully removed his head. He scanned the area for any other attackers, and frowned when he didn't see any more. He still felt like he was being watched, but maybe he was just becoming paranoid after all the time they'd spent hiding in Bern.

"Eliwood!" Hector bellowed. His voice carried well, and he stopped to listen. Something was watching him, he was sure of it. He thrummed his fingers on his axe, and frowned in contemplation. It could be Eliwood watching him, or it could be more people lying in wait to attack him when he let his guard down. Neither of the possibilities, oddly enough, were very comforting. Hector reprimanded himself sternly, just because Eliwood had turned into a psychotic freak, and was leaving suggestive notes didn't mean he would attack him. Then again he did seem to hate Hector's guts..............

"Darn him." Hector decided as he started walking again. If Eliwood was going to leapt out and attack him, he'd better be ready for a fight. Friend or no it would be nice to dent the lords head in, maybe, by some unexplained miracle, that would fix him, but more likely it would make him worse. Hector sighed, and irritably pushed his bangs from his eyes again. They really did need a cut like Lyn had said a few days ago, but he would be darned before he took advice from her. A frightened neigh, and a dismayed yell broke Hector's train of thought, and he jumped out of the way as messily thrown javelin flew by. A cavalier perched on a horse that was staggering about in the mud, fighting for a foothold, looked just as surprised as Hector did. There had been more attackers. Hector concluded quickly.

The cavalier bailed off his horse, and drew his sword. Hector smirked, and jumped into an attack. He was at a disadvantage wielding at axe against a sword, but that had never stopped him before. He ducked a stab, and brought his axe across the cavaliers legs with shattering force. With a pained cry the cavalier fell, and Hector quickly killed him. His fighting style might have been less refined then most's, but at least he was merciful. Hector still felt like he was being watched. A sudden burst of electricity spread through his body, knocking him to his knees. He gasped, and tightened his grip on his axe. He blast had temporarily blinded him, but the attack might have well killed him outright. He couldn't see to dodge, and the next attack was sure to finish him. He heard a voice raise in a simple word, the last one he would ever hear.......

"HECTOR!"

A/N: Hiya! Guessy whatty next chappie after this is half done and you won't have to wait for weeks on end to get it! Maybe one and a half if I don't get too busy! Wouldn't that be nice? Please Review, thank y'all for all the reviews so far. . Jaa ne minna-san!


	8. Terniquet

_I tried to kill my pain, but only bled more_

_I lay dying, and I'm pouring crimson regret and betrayal_

_I'm dying, praying, bleeding, and screaming_

_Am I too lost to be saved?_

_Am I too lost?--_Evanescence, "Tourniquet"

I walked out into the rain, and wondered at what I had just done.

"Good Evening Lord Eliwood." A cheerful voice with underlying mischief greeted me.

"Good Evening Matthew." I smiled habitually, never betraying my thoughts. My cold, bloody thoughts of death.

"Lord Hector was looking for you." Matthew said with a smile that guilty people often wore. He had just done something he was going to get in big trouble for if he was caught.

"I'll see him soon." I lied. I had not intention of seeing him again, or anyone. Then why the note? A soft voice that was becoming more and more nagging by the day asked. I smothered it bitterly, and walk off. The wind threw cold drops of rain against my face, the weather mirroring my thoughts. My sword clanked at my side, a familiar weight I had brought with me purely out of habit. I wouldn't need it. Why would I, when I was just going to die. I slipped up, and leaned against a tent, watching Erk shift from foot to foot as he watched the horizon. I grabbed my sword to silence its jangles, and walked softly up behind the sage. With a quick movement the sage was toppled over onto the ground, and I rolled him over to keep him from suffocating in the mud. I pull his hood over his head to keep the rain from drowning him, and started off.

I needed to leave, and there was nothing that could stop me. The things that had begun to bother me was that I seemed to be two different people. It was supposed to be just me, but it seemed to be two people battling for control. One wanted to leave, to go away and never come back. Never see other people again, and hate them while they were there. The other person wanted to talk. It wanted human companionship, and was nagging me to talk to Hector, listen to what he had said about caring.

I couldn't listen to the second person. Hector couldn't care. He would have said something before now. Before I was so dependant on my pain for escape, before I had sunken so low. If he truly was my friend he would have seen the pain when it first started. He would have known why I had turned out this way. I knew myself now, and it was painfully obvious to me. Why couldn't he see it?

He was a cold-hearted noble, just like the rest with more of a temper. He only looked out for my interests when it suited his mood, and his purpose. He didn't really want to know what was wrong with me, but wouldn't it be nice to say he had dragged the Marquess of Pheare out of his own personal Hell? Wouldn't it bring attention to him to exploit the sickening behavior he brought down?

I clenched my hands, and barely noticed where I was. I was set in my resolve. I couldn't break through the cold first person to the second even if reason had allowed. This was truly who I was it seemed. A cold heartless being who only lived for their pain, but why did I care about so many things? Why had I wanted to prove them wrong? To do something right? I growled in frustration, and slipped in the mud. I sat there, feeling like a out of place child. My legs sprawled out in an undignified position, and my face wearing the shocked of someone who has yet realize they've fallen.

I pulled myself up, my white pants covered in mud, and trudged on a little further. I finally stopped, more for the need to get it over with then anything else. As I sank down to the ground I felt weary, and regretful. I looked up into the falling rain, smiled my hollow smile into it. The mask that had been my refuge for so long, and it still clung to me even after it had betrayed me. Betrayed to the one person I hated the most. The one person maternal love hadn't warded off the attempts to hate and replaced them with a burning desire to please. I laughed, the masked laugh. Seemingly so full of life, but underneath a hollow shell. I drew the dagger from my sleeve the blade shape as it had always been. I placed it in my lap, staring at it. Something slipped on my head, sliding in my soaked hair.

I reached up and absently turned the object off my head, and held it in my hands loosely. The thin circlet of gold I wore to remind me who I was. The light, minuscule etching of the Phearen crest on it made my heart leap. It dragged my thoughts to home, the high castle wall, the sprawling gardens. That was who I was. I was Eliwood of Pheare. No, I was Eliwood, Marquess of Pheare. My father was dead, I was the leader of Pheare now. Off to seek revenge. Others could do that. Someone else could right Nergal's wrong. I just wanted to leave. I would rather die, then face what I would have to living. I was weak, and simpering.

I dropped the circlet to my lap, and picked up the knife from where it lay. Water slid off its smooth surface, running down the hilt into my sleeve. I shivered, soaked to the skin, cold, and alone. I slid my sleeve up, baring my wrist. I knew all to well where to cut. I had spent time beyond count playing with the idea, letting my knife rest on the place, toying with how quick it would be to just do it.

This time was different from all those other times; this time I was really going to do it. No toying, no second thoughts.

I lay the knife across my wrist, pressing down gently, feeling my skin give away under the keen edge. I watched in morbid fascination as the blood welled up, and was washed away by the ever falling rain. I drew the blade across my wrist quickly, bringing forth a fresh spray of blood that mixed with the rain and ran quickly off my hand. I switched the knife to my cut hand, and clumsily bared the other wrist. I drew the knife across it, and dropped it from my hands. The rain numbed the pain, making hard to feel anything. I was wasn't wearing a cloak, or anything that would keep the rain off me. I was soaked to the skin, and shivering.

I watched the blood drip onto my circlet, and saw again Pheare, my home, and the many smiling faces who had greeted me when I was there last. I shook my head. This was how it was to be. Nothing could change that. Nothing could save me now. I hunched over my bleeding wrists the knife falling from my lap, but the circlet stayed there, pressing into the bare flesh of my arm. I laughed softly, and found it hard to stop. Something was funny, but I couldn't see why.

The hysterical giggles died away, and I was left feeling tired again, light headed, and foggy. Something brushed against my nose, and a figure walked stealthily by. I wondered who they were; I didn't recognize them. The figure stopped, and stooped down. It held a book in it's hands, muttering to itself about something. I wondered if they knew I was lying here, so close I could have killed them. But I was dying myself, and dirty, mud and blood covered child cowering away from life.

Why did I keep comparing myself to a child? I wasn't that any longer, and would never be again. What child lay bleeding from wounds they had purposely given themselves? I wasn't a child, and I couldn't go back to those days when I had been happy. Oblivious to everything, and smiling truly. How long had it been since I'd really smiled? How long had it been since I laughed in pure mirth with out a shadow hanging over my soul? Far too long, and it would never happen again.

"Eliwood!" Someone yelled. I jerked my head up, my breath hitching in my throat. The figure crouched away from me never looked at me, and stared intently in front of it. I heard the frightened, shrill whinny of a horse, and a cry from a human. I rolled forward to the balls of my feet instinctively, and waited with held breath. I couldn't hear much now, the rain was falling harder, and I was getting dizzy. The figure moved from its cover and into the open.

"Thunder." The figure commanded, spreading its fingers out. Magic crackled on the fingers, and flashed to attack. In the brief light I saw a tall armored figure with blue hair. I gasped slightly as he went down, my heart suddenly in my throat. I hated him, but it hurt something to see him attacked like that. Dirty underhanded while he was preoccupied with another surprise attack. It was just a fighters honor, I tried to tell myself, but as the mage raised his hand for another attack, I couldn't sit there.

I jumped to my feet, and staggered while the world went black. I slammed into a tree, and blinked furiously to get the spots out of my vision. My knees gave out, and I fell to the ground. I couldn't just sit here, and not do anything. I had to get up. Something was prodding me, yelling for me to get up _right now_. I watched in terrified fascination as the mage held up its hand to call down another attack on Hector. My heart was pounding, blood leaving my body faster then it had been.

"HECTOR!" The cry was ripped from my mouth, the pain in it my own. I pushed myself to my feet, and drew my sword clumsily. The mage whirled around, meeting my blade with his own attack. I slipped in the mud, and went down. The attack flew over my head, and I twisted over. With a lurch I pushed my rapier up, and through the mage's stomach. Blood sprayed across my face, arms, and I hissed in pain as the body landed on top of me. I rolled it over, shaking with the effort, and cold. I left the body lying there with my rapier sticking in it, and crawled over to where Hector lay.

Why did I want to know if he was alright? I hated him, and even then as I looked at him, and knew I had just saved him, I hated him. I clenched my hands, and sat staring at him, hating him, knowing it was my last time to hate him, to look at him, or anything at all. The last person I had killed had been to save him. He wasn't even going to thank me. He looked at me with wide eyes, but his pupils were too wide, and I smiled. He had been blinded the attack. It wasn't but temporary, and I knew he would be able to see me soon. I swayed, and caught myself unsteadily. I couldn't stay awake much longer. I chuckled mirthlessly.

Hector blinked, and stared at me. "Eliwood?"

I laughed, it was fringed with humor. "No you dolt, I'm an angel come to take you away, who do you think I am?" I asked hoarsely.

"Wha-, did you just." His mind was slowly catching up with what had happened.

"I did." I smiled, and fell forward slightly. "I hate you." I muttered.

"Then why did you just save me?" Hector asked, his voice strained.

"Because, something told me to, and I'm not going to carry out many more whims then that one. That was my last one." I blinked as Hector became very fuzzy around the edges. "It's done."

"Eliwood." He grabbed at my arm, but I fell back. "Stop it, I can still get you help."

"I just saved you! Can't you give me one favor and let me die?" I asked harshly. "Can't you just let me go? I hate you!"

"I know that, but I don't know why! You have to stay alive so you can tell me that." Hector snapped, grabbing my arm, and yanking me forward. In my weakened state I fell forward, nearly collapsing in his lap.

"No," I chuckled, the world fading fast. "It's too late, just tell them the truth. Maybe you should have told everyone to begin with, but maybe's don't fly in winter."

"Eliwood, don't!" I smiled, and let my eyes drift shut, the world was gone anyway.

A/N:Ehe....... So, thanks for all the reviews, and if you review for this chapter I'll get the next chapter up PDQ. No, it's not the last chapter, at least two more, not counting the epilouge. See you! .


	9. Cold

"Eliwood, don't!" Hector grabbed Eliwood by the shoulders, and swore violently. He tore strips off his cloak, and wrapped them around his wrist, and tied two more for tourniquets. Cursing to himself he grabbed Eliwood up, and started off towards camp. The rain as still falling, beating relentlessly on, and Hector cursed at it as well. How could he have been so stupid? Had he just not realized how deep Eliwood had fallen into depression? How the hell could he have missed it? How could he call himself Eliwood's friend when he had let him suffer, oblivious in his own worries about his brothers health, and their mission to defeat Nergal.

All those things took second place at the moment. Eliwood was dying, that was obvious. He hated Hector, but that didn't change the fact that Hector still thought of him as a friend. Now he had to get Eliwood back to camp, and snag a healer as fast as he could. He slipped, and righted himself carefully. He went on, not slacking in his pace. His mind had stopped wondering, and with each footstep his mind beat out a pattern. _Don't die, Don't die......._ Hector glanced down at Eliwood, and saw his lips were blue. He was shaking, and there was no surprise there. It was likely he had hypothermia from being out in the frigid rain with nothing to keep the rain off. His loss of blood probably wasn't helping matters either.

Nothing seemed to change about the dim surroundings, nothing seemed to change. He managed to keep half his mind on looking out for stray attacks, since there seemed to be so many that night, and keep his wit enough in line to look where he was going. He was sure camp was this way, but the rain was coming down harder, making it nearly impossible to see anything. If he got lost Eliwood would die, and it would be his fault. If he hadn't been so blind to what was happening..... _Stop it, that's not going to help Eliwood, and it won't help you. The past is past, and you can't change it. You can only change the future! _Hector snapped to himself.

Hector breathed a relieved sighed as he saw the first glimpse of their tents, and was delighted to find the first person he ran into was Serra. "Serra!" He yelled. Serra looked around, a cloak pulled tightly around her.

"Lord Hector, I was looking for you-" She began.

"Save it, do you have a staff with you?" He asked hurriedly, shifting Eliwood's nearly lifeless body in his arms.

Serra paled. "Is that Lord Eliwood?"

"Yes, now do you have a staff with you, or a vulenary for that matter?" Hector asked irritably.

"No, but the supply tent is over here." Serra squeaked, and dashed off. Hector followed her, his breath coming hard now. He followed her into the cluttered tent. She grabbed a mend staff, and Hector cleared a table with a swing of his arm. The swords, lances, and other weapons clattered loudly off. Hector grimaced, and dropped Eliwood gently on the table.

"Alright." Serra closed her eyes, concentrating. "Mend." The staff head glowed, and nothing happened for a few seconds. Hector was leaning against the table, his face shadowed with worry. Serra frowned, and cast the healing spell again. Eliwood still didn't stir.

"I think I did it." She said in a shaky voice. She untied the bandage from around one of his wrists, and looked at the red mark across it. "It'll scar, that's for sure."

Hector untied the other three pieces of cloth, and looked over Eliwood. He was still shaking, and his lips were blue."He looks like crap."

"What happened?" Serra asked carefully.

"We were attacked." Hector looked at the bishop carefully. She looked at Eliwood's wrist, and nodded.

"Of course, my liege." She sat down on the edge of the table. "Now, we need to get him out of these wet clothes, and that," Her voice regained its normal ring. "Is your job."

"Thanks." Hector couldn't help but smile a little. He had made it in time.

"You should know he still might not make it." Serra looked at Hector seriously. "He lost a lot of blood, and his body isn't in the best condition after all the strenuous travel we've been doing." Hector nodded, and looked to the red-haired lord lying on the table, his lips blue, his skin deathly pale.

He shook his head. "I'll take him to his tent, and get him into something dry."

"Good, the sooner the better." Serra agreed. "I'll be there in a second to give him something else." Hector picked Eliwood back up, and found the lord surprisingly light, even soaking wet, as he had when Eliwood had been injured before. He carried him to the tent he was supposed to be staying in, and lay him down carefully. No one was there, and Hector was glad they weren't. He was in no mood to explain what had happened.

He grabbed a dry pair of clothes from Eliwood's bag, and stripped the lord of his wet ones. Hector worked in silence, mulling over his thoughts. Eliwood was cold to the touch. He paused, looking over the numerous scars covering Eliwood's arms. Hector shook his head, and grabbed a blanket. he tossed it over Eliwood, and two more from the other beds. He jumped, and whipped around, his axe ready, when someone burst into the tent.

"Lord Hector." It was Marcus. Hector sheepishly put his axe down, and grabbed the last blanket. "Lady Serra said that you'd found Lord Eliwood."

Hector sighed irritably. He should have known Serra would have told someone, but Marcus would have been worried. Hector looked at Marcus thoughtfully, had the paladin noticed something strange in Eliwood's behavior before they left Pheare? "Yes I found Eliwood." Hector spread the last blanket over Eliwood, and studied his work. Eliwood was shaking again, and that was a good sign.

"You were attacked." Marcus said. Hector nodded.

"Marcus, go tell everyone they can stop looking for him." Marcus nodded, and cast Eliwood a worried look before heading out. "I hope you know how much trouble you've caused." Hector told Eliwood. The lord didn't make a response, but Hector grinned slightly. He couldn't find anything humorous about the situation, but it seemed ironic. No one would have though Eliwood would have been able to hate someone other then the people who did him a wrong, and here he was, lying at Death's door because he tried to commit suicide. Hector sighed, and sat down wearily. He was now realizing how tired he was.

"I'm ba--ack!" Serra came in, carry a vial, and a few vulenarys. Lowen followed her, carrying a blanket full of something. "Oh good, you finished your job. Lowen, put that down on that bed, and I'll put them where I want them." She waved her hand at the bad across from Eliwood's. Lowen set the blanket down, and looked at Eliwood anxiously. Serra grabbed a heated rock from the blanket, and began placing them beside Eliwood under the blankets. She refused any offers of help, and went studiously about her work. After the stones were in placed she picked up the crystal vial she had set down, and carefully tipped it into Eliwood's mouth. After some work she got him to swallow with out choking, and flopped down on the bed across from Eliwood.

"Few! That's done." She yawned, and stretched. Lowen glanced nervously from the cleric, to Hector, then Eliwood, and back again.

"I don't know how well off he is." Hector told Lowen. Lowen nodded, and Matthew came in, Marcus right after him.

"Very sorry Lord Hector." Matthew walked to his bed, and flopped down, beginning whatever he had been torn away from by the search for Eliwood. Marcus stopped, and looked at Eliwood carefully.

"Will you three stop moping around my patient!" Serra jumped up, and shooed them away from the lord. "He's not going to get any better with you hovering over him, so go sit down." She huffed, and crossed her arms over her chest. "Honestly, men get so queer when someone brushes with Death and doesn't bounce back smiling."

"So he'll live?" Hector asked optimistically.

"I didn't say _that_, but he's much closer to living then he was. The next few days will tell." Serra tapped her chin, and frowned at the gloomy men. "If all you're going to do is mope, then go out! Healing needs a happy air, and none of you are helping."

"Sister Serra, good, I found you." Lucius pushed into the tent, and bowed respectfully to Hector. "Good evening Lord Hector, Sister Serra, you wanted to ask me something?"

"Yes brother Lucius." Serra smiled charmingly at her fellow bishop, and hopped over to Eliwood's side. "Lord Eliwood was gravely injured in an attack, and I wanted your advice on treating him." Lucius leaned over the bed by Serra, and bit his lip.

"As soon as he has warmed up we should take him to the medical tent." Lucius suggested, and pressed a hand to Eliwood's forehead. He shook his head, and slid a hand under the blankets, checking the warmth of the stones. "Sir Lowen, would you go get some more warmed stones; Sir Sain have some ready." Lucius spoke in his usual meek manner, and Lowen nodded hurriedly before hurrying to his task. Lucius stood up, nibbling on his lower lip while he thought. He shook his head.

"Brother Lucius," Serra tugged on Lucius's sleeve. She whispered something very quietly, and Lucius bowed his head. Hector thought he saw his lips moving in a silent prayer. He looked up at Hector, and gave him a slightly sympathetic look. Hector frowned slightly, and crossed his arms over his chest. Lucius smiled slightly, and looked back to Eliwood.

Hector shook his head, and sat down on the bed across from Eliwood. He pushed the vulenarys away from himself, and winced. His near panic had made him forget his own injuries, and now he could feel them nettling for attention. He hissed, and rubbed his aching head.

"Lord Hector, are you injured?" Serra asked in an annoying pitched voice.

"I'm fine." Hector grumbled. "Just stop piping in my ear, and my head won't split." Serra huffed, and grabbed her staff from where it lay beside Hector.

"Heal." She commanded, touching the orb to Hector's shoulder. A warm tingling spread from his shoulder, and washed quickly all over his body. For a moment his body was numbingly warm, the aches, and pains slowly fading. Hector shivered as he felt a small cut on his cheek heal up, leaving not a scar in its place.

"There, you should have said something." Serra crossed her arms over her chest, and looked at him pertly. "It wouldn't have done us no good. Lord Eliwood would have been the one fretting over your sick bed instead of you over his." She giggled, supposedly amused over the though, and Hector rolled his eyes. He looked to the pale red-head, and frowned. _"I hate you..."_ No, Eliwood wouldn't be fretting over Hector's sick bed, and, Hector got the sinking feeling that he wouldn't ever.

A/N: Owie....The chapters are so short they hurt. Yeah for reviewers! Thanks, and please review for this short chapter, the next will be much longer. I hope.....


	10. Waiting

It had been three days. Three days of worrying, wondering, and long nights. Hector had spent most of his time watching Eliwood, and thinking. He wanted to be the first one to question Eliwood when he awoke. They had packed him into Merlinus's wagon, and looked for the nearest village. He needed to be somewhere warm, and mostly dry if he was going to make it. As dusk fell they could see a large village, one most likely to have an Inn with room to spare for a band of fourty odd people. Hector sighed in relief, and Lyndis smiled happily beside him.

She pushed her bangs out of her face. "Finally, I thought we'd never find one." Hector nodded, and walked on in silence. He was too wrapped up in his own thoughts to do much else, truth be told. They walked into the town, and everyone seemed happy to be in one. They hadn't been able to find a town to stop at for al least a month now, and it would be a welcomed luxury. The tactician, Lyndis, and Hector trooped into the largest looking inn, called the Dragon's nest, they could find to see if there was room for the large group. The heat of the common room was delicious after the frigid air outside, and the smell of supper cooking made Hector's stomach rumble.

Lyndis asked the Innkeeper about rooms, and then, with aid from the Tactician, began bartering a price with him. Hector, having never being much with words, let them talk it out, and looked around. There were a few people lounging about, talking, laughing, and eating. They hadn't noticed the three travelers, but no doubt they would notice when the others came trooping in. Hector watched in mild amusement as the waitress's flirted with a few people, winking suggestively, and making some of the more modest men blush crimson.

"Come on." Lyndis jabbed Hector in the ribs, and he jumped. He glared at her, and she frowned back. "They've got rooms, and we should Eliwood in out of the cold." She pointed out, shoving him lightly. She might as well have been shoving a boulder, but Hector moved towards the door. As soon as they knew they were staying a few people cheered happily. Sain grinned like a mad man, and Kent sighed wearily. Inns meant bar maids, and that meant shameless flirting on Sain's part.

Hector ignored them, and went Merlinus' wagon. Eliwood was in the back, and Serra was checking him.

She smiled at Hector as he hopped in the wagon. "He's better then he was, but I'm not promising anything."

"A night in a real bed should do him some good." Hector said gruffly, and carefully wrapped a blanket around Eliwood. He picked him up, prompting a soft fever mutter from the young lord. Hector's heart leapt, and he couldn't help a smile. It was the first noise Eliwood had made since he had passed out three days ago. Serra smiled as well, and hopped out of the wagon. Hector followed her, and leapt lightly down from the wagon. A stable hand had already come around, and was taking horses. Most of the people insisted on seeing to their own mounts, and Heath had no choice in the matter, the stable hand refused to get very close to the Wyrven. Hector quickly moved into the Dragon's nest where most of the people of their group had moved in to. Hector managed to find out where he could take Eliwood, and set off.

"Ooh, the poor dear, got sick did he?" A rather sympathetic looking waitress cooed. "The weather's been nasty lately, and many people around the town have gotten sick. If you want a good remedy for anything you should talk to the village healer." She suggested.

"Er, thanks." Hector shifted Eliwood, and hurried up the stairs. The heat of the common room retreated a little, but when Hector walked into the room it was juts as arm, if not a little more. There was two beds, each made with thick covers. Hector set Eliwood down on one, and pulled the covers back on the other. Lucius came in while he was covering Eliwood up, and he had the small vial of medicine they had been giving Eliwood.

"Sister Serra said he was looking better." Lucius nodded, and placed a hand on Eliwood's forehead. "If he's going to get better the fever will break late tonight, or early tomorrow morning." Lucius explained. He carefully made Eliwood drink the vial contents, and felt his forehead.

"He'll get better." Hector said more for his own benefit then the bishop's

"I wish I could be so sure, but he lost a lot of blood, and if the patient has no will to live they're more likely not to live then a person who wants to live." Lucius admitted.

"She did tell you then?" Hector wondered what the bishop was thinking.

Lucius nodded. "Yes, Sister Serra told me, and after seeing the scars it was an easy guess anyway." Lucius pulled a chair up to the bed, and watched Eliwood's chest rise and fall. "Despair is a dangerous thing."

Hector nodded, and looked around the plain room. They would be there a while, and soft voice spoke knowingly, and they wouldn't leave the same group they were now. They would be different that was obvious, but how? Would Eliwood not be living when they left? Hector shook his head, trying to shake the thoughts from it.

"I told you it was a dangerous thing, it takes root in our minds, and grows." Lucius said sagely, and stood. "Sister Serra or I shall come check on him in a while." He bowed, and trotted meekly out the door. Hector sat down heavily on the unoccupied bed, and felt content to sit there. He laid his axe on the floor, and glanced around again. The room had only one door, and no windows, not much room for escaping, or ambushing. Hector sighed, and chuckled ruefully. He was getting paranoid. There were other things to do, repair armor, tents, and earn more money. With a sigh Hector sniffed the air. Those things could wait till after supper, he decided as his stomach rumbled loudly.

/--/

Hector rested a hand on his chin, and drummed his fingers on the table. He stared vainly at Eliwood, agitated at the sleeping lord, the sunny weather he wasn't out in, and almost everything else. Eliwood mumbled slightly, and Hector growled irritably.

"If you're going to speak say something I can understand." Hector turned from the table, and leaned on the back of his chair. "Better yet you could wake up."

"Stop......" Eliwood mumbled. Hector leaned forward, watching the others face intently. 'I'm not...go 'way....." Hector sighed, the inane mumblings were not much mutter then the unintelligible ones.

"I'd appreciate it if you'd start making sense." Hector told the fevered boy, feeling only slightly foolish.

"There's nothing more, I don't believe you. I'm not, they'd tell me. They do love me, I'm not...." Eliwood twitched. "They'd tell me, right? If I was, someone would tell me. Hector told me, he told me, it's not true. They're liars." Eliwood stopped, his lips moved silently. "There's no mask, there's no blood, only pain, only lies." Hector hesitantly shook Eliwood softly, and received a groan for his efforts. "I hate them, I hate the pain. Help....." Eliwood fell silent, his breath ragged. Hector sighed. A soft knock on the door made him look up. He stood up, and paused before opening the door. Ninian was standing there, her hands behind her back, looking nervous. Nils, bouncing solemnly on balls of his feet, was behind her. He bowed respectively to Hector, and peered around him.

"Lord Hector, how's Lord Eliwood?" Nils asked, voicing Ninian's question as well as his own.

"He's still not awake, and I'm no healer, so your guess is as good as mine." Hector moved aside to let them in. Nils, managing the bouncy steps of a child while remaining solemn, was in first, and Ninian followed after him more subdued. Nils peered at Eliwood worriedly, and sat down in Hector's chair.

"He'll get better; he has to." Nils declared softly, and smiled encouragingly at Ninian. Ninian smiled slightly back, but the smile vanished quickly. She pulled another chair beside the bed, and sat down. She hesitantly felt his forehead, and let her teal bangs fall over her eyes. Eliwood muttered something again, and Ninian jerked her hand back.

"It's alright, he's been fever muttering all day." Hector grumbled, sitting down on his bed. "He hasn't said anything that's made sense so far." Nils twisted in his chair to look at Hector, and nearly tipped the chair over. He waved his arms about, and barely managed to stay up right. Hector chuckled slightly, and Ninian bit her lip.

Nils grinned, unabashed at his near fall. "He looks better then he did, he's not as pale." Hector looked at Eliwood carefully, and found Eliwood did look slightly better.

"A little." Hector agreed.

"'S cold." Eliwood muttered. "Always cold."

"It's actually warm." Hector answered the mutters, and bit his lip when he remembered he wasn't alone. Nils pressed his mouth to the back of his hand, and Ninian looked slightly surprised.

"I've been up her too long." Hector rubbed his forehead.

"We'll stay here for a while and you can leave." Nils suggested "You haven't been out of the Inn since we got here."

Hector debated, and nodded. "If you don't mind, but come find me if he wakes up."

"Yes sir!" Nils snapped off a sloppy salute, and Hector knocked him on the head.

"Fine, and if you salute me like that again I'll tell Marcus you want to become a knight." Hector chuckled at the look on Nils face, and couldn't decide wether the bard was really scared, or just playing.

Nils smiled as Hector left, and looked to his sister. She felt her own forehead, and placed her other slim hand on Eliwood's head. Nils watched her face, and cocked his head to the side.

"Ninian...." Nils piped softly. Ninian looked up, her gaze unfocused.

"Hm?"

"You like him don't you?"

Ninian blushed slightly, but it disappeared quickly. "Of course I do. He's a good person, and has saved me...."

Nils shook his head. "Not like that, I mean you _like _him." Nils watched her expression carefully. Ninian's face went blank, and then she nodded slightly. "Ninian...."

"Nils, I know." Ninian smiled sadly. "I know I shouldn't, I know it's wrong, but I can't help it. Nothing will come of it, I assure you. He could never..." She shook her head. "It just couldn't be."

"It won't stop you from hoping, will it?" Nils leaned forward in his chair. "Just because the your mind says it can never happen, doesn't mean you heart will except it. Doesn't mean you'll except it, does it."

"Nils, if you disapprove of it so much you can just say so." Ninian took her hand from Eliwood's forehead, and brushed his red bangs from his face.

"No, I don't, I just don't want you to get hurt." Nils looked at the red headed lord. "It almost seems right, if he weren't so troubled."

"You've felt it as well?" Ninian watched her brother nod sadly.

"It's hard not to, the turmoil that's raging in his soul, and it's gotten worse since Lord Elbert died. The only times it quiets some is when he's sparring." Nils frowned.

"Dragons, cold..." Eliwood mumbled. "It's always so cold, frost bitten souls...." Nils looked at Ninian in a sudden panic, and she shook her head.

"He doesn't know, he's just delusional. They taught them about the Scouring, if you remember." Ninian folded her hands in her lap. Ninis' Grace caught a patch of sunlight, and flashed.

"He'll get better Ninian, you know he will. He has to so he can defeat Nergal."

"Yes, we have to keep believing that, don't we Nils? We can't let ourselves lose hope, and when he does get better we'll help him."

"I think you'll be of more help then I will." Nils smiled teasingly, and frowned when Ninian didn't look up. Eliwood muttered again, and his face twisted into a grimace. Ninian frowned, and someone knocked. Nils hopped up, and trotted over to the door. He flung it open, and smiled broadly at Serra.

"Hello Serra!" He chirped.

"Where's Lord Hector?" Serra asked, pushing past Nils.

"We sent him away so he could get some exercise, and maybe he'll take a bath." Nils made a face.

"Nils..." Ninian put her head in her hands, and sighed.

"You're right, he should get outside while the weather is nice, and he does need a bath." Serra agreed. "Honestly, men have so little personal hygiene." She walked over to the bed, and felt Eliwood's forehead. "Aha! His fever's gone down, now where did that compress go." Serra fished around and pulled at the slightly damp, and warm cloth. Clicking her tongue she wet it again, and carefully laid it on Eliwood's forehead. "With any luck he'll be awake before tonight." She grinned, and grabbed the cup she had brought with her.

"Hold this." She commanded Nils, handing him the cup. She grabbed another pillow, and propped Eliwood up. Eliwood mumbled, and Serra smiled wider. "Yes, he'll live alright."

"He's that much better?" A quite voice asked. Lucius padded silently through the open door. "Sorry for my intrusion, but the door was open." He bowed, and padded over to the bed. "His fever has gone down, and he looks much better." He agreed, nodding his head.

"See?" Serra began coaxing The brew into Eliwood, who swallowed it without any aid from the cleric. "See he's swallowing by himself now." Serra lowered Eliwood back down onto one pillow, and tossed the other one carelessly at the other bed. It caught Nils across the face, and the bard blinked in surprise. Lucius gave a small smile, and began talking to Serra about further treatments, and what would work better. Nils tossed the pillow back onto the bed, and smiled at Ninian again. Ninian smiled back, her eyes a little less dark. Nils smile grew wider.

"That'll work." Serra nodded in agreement to something Lucius had said. "Now we just have to wait until he wakes up."

"How long'll that be?" Nils asked, leaning forward in his chair.

"Depends." Serra shrugged. "Tonight, or tomorrow, but we won't be able to leave here until he's on his feet. Can't risk him getting sick again."

"No, that wouldn't be very wise." Lucius agreed. "I've some things to tend to in town."

"I'll come with you!" Serra chirped, and grabbed Lucius's arm. "I've been meaning to buy some more shoes, these are wearing out. Serra kicked up her foot, revealing a slightly battered shoe.

"I'll come too!" Nils hopped up. "I can go, right Ninian?" Ninian nodded, and Nils hopped up beside Serra. "Do you mind?"

"Of course! The more the merrier." Serra proclaimed. Lucius had the long suffering look of some one who was about to do penance, but smiled weakly as Serra all but dragged him out the door. Nils smiled secretively, and waved to his sister before disappearing around the doorframe. The door clicked shut, and Ninian was left alone with Eliwood.

She felt slightly conspired against, but smiled anyway. She looked to the red headed lord, and sighed. Some things were so complicated.

/--/

Hector trudged back into the Inn, less tense then he had been in a while. The common room was full or people, more then half of them soldiers from their own group. Supper had yet to be served, but everyone was busy. Sain was talking avidly to a bar maid, and Kent was sitting beside him, concentrating on whatever was in his mug. Matthew, Wil, Legualt, and Heath were playing cards, and from the grin on Matthew's face it looked like the thief was winning. Oswin and the tactician were playing chess which, oddly enough, Oswin was winning. The other fighters were scattered about the room talking, or drinking. The door opened, and Serra, Lucius, and Nils came in.

"Hello Lord Hector!" Nils chirped above the noise. 'Did you enjoy the weather?"

"Yes, but weren't you upstairs with Eliwood?" Hector asked, raising his own voice to be heard above the din.

"Yes, but Ninian's still up there. I think I'll go take her place."

Hector shook his head. "Don't bother, just go tell her she can come down stairs if she wants." Nils gave another sloppy salute, and scrambled through the sea of chairs.

"Lord Hector, you should know Lord Eliwood is doing much better." Serra hopped up beside him. "He should wake up soon." Lucius had already made his way to Raven, and was talking to the hero.

"You're sure?" Hector asked.

"Yes, he'll definitely live, unless the Inn roof falls in on him, but that's highly unlikely." Serra nodded. "If you'll excuse me Lord Hector I have other things to attend to."

"Sure, go ahead." Hector waved her off. Serra whirled around, and trotted off in search of some one most likely Erk.

"Hector!" Lyndis waved from a table. "Come here!" Hector walked over, and found her sorting out stones. "Are you busy, or can you play a quick game?"

"How do you now it'll be a quick game?" Hector asked, sitting down across from her. Guy and Rath were already playing a game, and neither looked up when Hector sat.

"Because you're horrible." Lyndis smiled challengingly. "So, what do you say, up for a beating?"

Hector grinned back. "If you think you can take as well as get, then sure, but don't cry when you lose to me."

"Not likely!" Lyndis laughed, and handed Hector his cup of stones. "We'll just see who wins."

"Yeah." Hector snapped a stone down on the board. "Any idea when supper's gonna be done?"

"Men, always thinking about three things." Lyndis mumbled, and snapped down a stone as well.

Hector studied the board, and fingered his black stone before placing it on the board. "Oh, and what are they?"

"Women, fighting, and food." Lyndis snapped down a stone without hesitation.

"Hey, I don't just think about those three things." Hector protested.

"Plotting on how you're going to beat me in this game still counts as fighting." Lyndis taped her fingers on the table.

"Eeh, who cares about some silly game when I can beat you when we spar." Hector smiled smugly, and Lyndis glared at him.

"So, Eliwood's doing better?" Lyndis asked, snapping her stone down with more force then necessary.

"Yeah, Serra said he'd make it, but he's still not awake." Hector paused to think. "Or so I was told, who'd you know?"

"You're fighting with me again, so obviously you're not as worried as you were, and you were smiling while you were talking to Serra."

"Why were you watching me talk to Serra?" Hector asked.

"I was going to ask her how Eliwood was, but I got my answer from you." Lyndis looked at the board. "There." She smiled happily as she captured some of Hector's stones. "Pay more attention to the game."

Hector looked at the board in dismay, and sighed. "Yeah, yeah, I will. Same to you." Hector grinned as he captured some of Lyndis's stones. Lyndis blinked in surprise, and laughed. Hector joined her, it felt good to forget his worries, even for a little while.

A/N: Yeah! Longer! ; Well here you go, the next chapter will possibly be a little longer then this one, wouldn't that be great? After writing two chapters in third person it'll take me a little reading to get back into my AU Eliwood's mind. It wasn't intended to be Hector/Eliwood, even though that would fit in to the story amazingly well, but it isn't going to be.

Thanks for all the reviews(almost fourty!), and please review for this chapter as well!


	11. Waking

I fought desperately for consciousness, too long had I been dreaming. They had been half true dreams, full with grotesque twists that made me long to be awake. I no longer cared I hadn't died, for in the workings of my subconscious I knew I was, I just wanted to be awake. I kept screaming, telling myself it was a dream, but between chasing dragons down the halls on Pherae's castle, and walking backwards over walls, I knew that much. There were stupid dreams, one that made be feel like laughing, and the ones that made me terrified. Those were the ones I was trying to escape.

The reedy voice bemoaning of how worthless I was, the laughing comments that I was hopeless. I struggled with the voices, and kicked furiously to the surface.

"I'm not!" I yelled angrily, coming up, and wake with a jerk. I sat shaking, and a compress fell off my head. Aches lanced down my back as the cold air touched my skin with its greedy fingers, and I shivered. The feverish feeling I was going to be sick washed over me, and I clenched the sheets in my hand. I blinked, suddenly dizzy, and collapsed back onto my bed. The room spun, and was speckled with odd lights. I pressed a hand over my fluttering heart, and tried to regain my normal vision. Slowly I pushed myself back up, and blinked away the tortuous spots.

I heard footsteps, painfully loud now that my head had started pounding. I groaned softly, and lay back down, willing the footstep to go on by, but they didn't. The door was flung open, and I heard two voices.

"Lady Lyndis beat you again, didn't she Lord Hector?" Serra piped almost smugly. I winced, and wished she would stop talking.

"So what if she did?" Hector asked defensively. I frowned at his voice, and felt the hate boiling up.

"How's my patient doing now?" Serra asked. "How did the compress get down there?"

"It fell off my head." I croaked, my throat felt raw. Serra gave a surprised squeak, and I fought the urge to grin smugly.

"Eliwood!" Hector's voice sounded joyful, relieved? "You're awake." I opened an eye, and forced myself to smile.

"How long have I not been?" I asked, pushing myself back up to my elbow. I hated him more. I had almost escaped, almost been free, but he had 'saved' me.

"Four days." Hector told me. He sat down by the bed, his face going stern. I smiled at Serra as she checked my temperature, and had me drink a foul brew of herbs.

"You're still going to need lots of rest, but at least you're awake." Her voice was still too high pitched. I nodded softly, and wished I hadn't as my vision swam.

"Nothing else should go wrong, but if anything does be sure to find me." She winked at Hector, and trotted off. I watched her go smiling, and listened to her footsteps retreat down the hall. Hector cleared his throat noisily, and I dropped the smile quickly.

"There, I'm alive, are you happy?" I asked darkly, switching elbows to face him. His face was still stern, and it made me angry.

"No." Hector said plainly. I glared at him.

"Well sorry, but that's as good as it's gonna get for you, or anybody here." I snapped. "I still hate you, don't think you can change that."

"I know." Hector snapped back. "But why do you hate me?"

"I need a reason?" I asked testily, smirking. "I thought you being you was enough of a reason for me to hate you."

"Eliwood." Hector glared, and I could see him trying to calm his temper. I chuckled.

"Aaw, is you're little 'project' turning out to be harder then you thought it would be?" I clenched my hands, resisting the nauseous feeling that was resulting from sitting up too long.

Hector looked at me sharply. "What project?"

My lips seemed to take on the sadistic grin by themselves. "Don't play dum. Wouldn't be a fine thing to add to your list of accomplishments. You saved the Marquess or Pherae from himself, and fixed his screwed up life."

"It's not like that, and you know it." Hector said levelly, still trying to keep his anger on a leash. I pushed myself up into a sitting position, and twisted to face him. Anger, and hate made me forget the chills, and nausea. I glared at him, the smile falling from my face.

"Of course it's not, it never is that way, is it?" I snapped, leaning forward. Sitting on the bed made me slightly taller then he was. "Eliwood never has it right does he?" I asked bitterly. I was sick of him, sick of his mettling. Sick of him trying to be a valiant hero when I knew he wasn't. "Eliwood's just a silly little boy who can't even walk across a room without tripping. He's just a worthless little boy, isn't he?" I clenched my hands around the sheets. My arms were shaking slightly from the strain of holding myself up.

"Eliwood, stop it, just listen-" Hector started.

"Darn you, shut up." I cut him off shoving back from him, and swinging my legs off the bed. "Heck of a time for you to start being concerned with me, just shut up. You don't know what you're talking about, and I'm not going to listen to you. Why should I? You were never there for me, you helped them! You agreed with them." I forced myself to stop, and grabbed the foot rest off the bed. I pushed myself up, and wavered slightly. Hector stood up, and I glared at him again.

"I don't understand, you're not making any sense." I could hear him grating his teeth in agitation. "Sit down and we'll-"

"'We'll talk it out?'" I sneered. "Dang, wouldn't those have been nice words to hear before. So tell me, how many people have you told, hm? How many people do you have watching with baited breath for the next part in this gruesome tale you've unfolded?"

"I haven't told anyone." Hector snapped, losing his hold on his temper slightly. "I didn't tell anyone Eliwood, and I won't. Not if you cooperate and tell me what's wrong."

"Oh, blackmail, I see." I tensed. How could he want to talk now? Why didn't he want to talk then? When I needed it? When I wasn't so far gone. It scared me now, remembering the dagger's edge against my skin, but it was alluring still. I couldn't truthfully say if I had the choice I wouldn't do it again. I would, I knew it. "I see how it is, if you can't coax it out of me, might as well bully it out." I took a few shaky steps, and grabbed the table for support. "It's all the same."

"Would you stop it." Hector snapped. he was standing in front of me now. "I don't now what the heck you're talking about, but I'm just trying to help you." I felt more sick now, and my legs threatened to give way beneath me. It was too much activity too soon.

I chuckled mirthlessly. "You're a really good actor, saying you don't know with such a straight face. Who taught you to lie so well? Uther maybe?" My words were meant to make him angrier, to see what he'd do. I wanted him to get mad. Why, I didn't know. "Or did your parents teach you that? I suppose I shouldn't be surprised, lying is a skill very lord must know, and you've just won the prize for doing it most convincingly." I kept my voice smug, just the right tone to entice him to anger. Hector glared, making it obvious how hard it was for him to hold his temper. I smirked widely. That was it, get angry. Hector reacted faster then my tired body would take in.

His hard, gauntleted hand collided with my cheek, and My legs gave out. It fell hard onto the floor, and back onto my elbows. Everything was black, and threatened to leave me there. Everything filtered back in slowly, and Hector grabbed me by my collar. He pulled me up so I was sitting.

"I don't know what you're talking about, or why you're saying I'm lying. I've never lied to you, and I never will. Even if you never thought of me that way, I'm your friend, and I'm going to help you, no matter what it takes." His voice was serious, cold, and underlaid with smoldering anger. Even the way he sat spoke of anger. I glared at him, and kept my mouth firmly shut. There was an amazing amount of hurt in his eyes Something that shouldn't have been there. I weakly grabbed his wrist, and tried to make him let go. He looked at me in the same manner, as if I wasn't trying to make him let go of me.

"Let go, you're not my friend, and I don't care what you say." I snapped. Something fought to get out. The held in thoughts, words, and anger all fought against each other. Something struggled to tell Hector everything. I fought against it, he knew, he was just saying he didn't. Why was it so hard to keep everything down? Ever since I had dropped my mask in front of him it had become a losing battle to control my words, and thoughts.

"Is that really true?" Hector asked, his voice low; anger nearly suppressed. "Now look, lying on the floor can't be good for your fever."

His words rang in my head, chasing themselves in circles. Was it true? Was I lying to myself? "Darn it, leave me alone." I glared at him, and tried to pry his fingers off my shirt. It was hopeless.

"I'm not going to leave you alone, and I'm not leaving till you tell me why you hate me." Hector said with relative calmness. Hitting me must have done wonders for his temper, as it had done wonders for my head. It pounded with renewed fury, and I was now plagued with the spots across my vision I had before.

"Well you'll be here a long while because I'm not telling you something you already now." I snapped. Hector released my shirt, and I fell back onto my elbows. My vision black out again and slowly filtered back in.

"I still don't know what you're talking about, I don't _know_ _why _you hate me. That's what I'm trying to find out." Hector looked me over critically. "You still look like crap."

I stared at him, taken aback by his sudden switch of topic, but I managed another glare quickly. "Just go away. I don't need your help. I don't need anyone's darn help!"

Hector laughed, but he wasn't amused. "If there's anything you need it's help, but you just don't want to get it, do you? Isn't it easier to live in your own world?"

His words were more confusing then ever, tossing my mind into turmoil. "I hate you. I hate you all."

"You hate everyone? What about your mother? What about Lord Elbert? Did you hate him?" Hector's eyes were dark, unreadable.

I choked out a laugh, and my lips twisted into some resemblance of a smile. "No, I didn't.." My voice was soft, I didn't want to speak of my father. "Not completely I couldn't. I couldn't bring myself to hate him, hate the very person who had...." I shook my head. "Stop it. Just stop it."

"Eliwood, what happened?" The concern was so genuine that I almost believed it. I almost thought he hadn't been lying, but how could he be? How could he have not seen everything that had happened? How could he have been that blind? How could he have missed something that obvious? Hector seemed to be thinking about something.

"What did I say that was a lie? What would your parents tell you if you were?" Hector asked, his voice still sounding concerned.

I tensed. I was shivering now, and fighting to keep myself up right. "Why do you care? Why do you care now? Why couldn't you have cared about it _then_!" I pushed myself up, and coughed. My left arm gave out, and I was surprised to feel Hector grab my arm.

"Alright, you're getting off the floor." Hector muttered gruffly. "Her Lord and Liege or not Serra will have my head if your fever gets any worse."

I was still coughing, unable to form a reply. I glared at him as he picked me up, and carried me back to the bed. I felt like a child being tucked in by a nurse. I fought off his attempts weakly, hindered by my coughing. The fit finally subsided, leaving me gasping for air. He brushed his bangs back from my face, feeling my forehead. He walked away, and I could hear him wetting the compress again. The cool cloth was lain on my forehead.

"Maybe this is too much excitement for you." Hector murmured. There was a soft knock on the door, and Hector moved to answer it. I quieted my breathing, and winced at the sharp pain that had started in my chest.

"Then he is awake?" Lyndis asked form the door.

"Yes, he's awake now." Hector spoke softly.

"That's wonderful. Oh, and the Tactician wants you." Lyndis hardly made any noise as she walked in. "I'll stay here with Eliwood, you go ahead."

There was a pause, and then Hector spoke lowly. "Alright, but I'll hurry." I knew those words were meant more for me. To tell me he still wasn't done with me. Lyndis walked over to the bed, and sat down in Hector's chair. Her smile was a mix of relief, and concern.

"I'm glad you're awake." She said. "You gave us all a scare. Marcus will be most relieved to here you're well, Lowen as well."

"I'm sorry to worry so many people." I managed. My voice was weak, and still held a slight twinge of pain.

"Maybe you shouldn't be talking yet." Lyndis mused. Her long green hair swished as she cocked her head. Her earrings shifted with a slight jingle, and for a moment the light was at such an angle she looked almost angelic. I shook away such thoughts quickly.

"Ninian looked relieved to know you where awake as well." Lyndis intoned meaningfully. I looked at her carefully, and steadied my voice before answering her.

"She was?" I tried my best to sound surprised, like I didn't know why. I did, it was obvious, but I couldn't help hating her as well.

"Yes." Lyndis still looked worried. Much more then she should have been.

"Lyndis, is something else wrong?" I asked, forcing concern into my voice. The act caused another round of coughs, forcing Lyndis to retrieve a cup of water from somewhere to calm it.

"You should stop talking." Lyndis commanded sternly. I looked at her pointedly. "Right, well it might not be anything to worry about, but when Kent, and Sain were scouting around outside the village they saw a group of bandits. It really could be nothing, but with all the surprise attacks that have been launched on us I'm beginning to wonder."

I nodded. At least we were in a favorable spot. Villages were easy to defend, but it posed a problem. There would be local people to worry over, and, of course, our fight would have to be fought in such a way it didn't endanger the townsfolk.

"But don't worry, you just need to get better." Lyndis forced a light tone onto her voice that was wavery, and unused. I could see the apprehension in her eyes. I bit back a laugh, and nodded. She smiled, and seemed to drift into her thoughts.

A/N: And so we take another baby step forward. ; But guess what! Chirstmas holidays are coming up, meaning no school, and more time to write!-I hope!- Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry for the 'round about way things are going, and how confusing everything is. ; I shall advance our plot further quickly. Oh, Lyndis and Hector are playing Go, -supposedly-! Yeah for TRFiD Queen for figuring that out! Review onegai! Jaa ne!


	12. Discovery

Hector wearily leaned against the wall, and looked at the map lain out before him. Their location was marked with a pawn-the only thing that could be found- from an old chess set, and the position of the bandits with a rook. They were too close for comfort, Hector decided with a slight frown. With wild hand motions that threatened Marcus' head the Tactician explained there predicament. The bandits were most likely after them, and staying in the town would endanger it. Of course there was the thought that they were not the bandit's target, and leaving the town would leave it even less defended for an attack.

"There's also Lord Eliwood." Marcus reminded them. "He may be awake but he should not be moved still." Hector grimaced, and wondered what the paladin would say if he knew Eliwood had been out of bed already, and nearly passed out.

"That too." The tactician nodded. "Maybe we should have some peoples go see what they're doing now, and decide on a further plan of action after more observation." The tactician nodded again. "That might work."

"Mi'lord, I've returned." Matthew spoke from near the door, and fading out of the shadows. Lowen jumped, and Marcus frowned at the cavalier.

"Yes, what did you find out?" Hector asked.

"The towns folk have had trouble with bandits lately, and some of the local farmers have taken refuge in the town." Matthew smiled slyly. "Though they were.........reluctant...... to say it the bandit appear to be a group of renegade soldiers, and other generic bandit people. Nothing too serious."

"If you're used to fighting trained assassins." Kent remarked. "For the townsfolk it might as well be that. They are not fighters."

"So, the question lies in our hands in this: do we stay and help the town, possibly endangering it more, or leave and possibly take away the danger and leave the town more or less defenseless." The tactician held up his hands as if weighing the two options. "Truly the decision is your, Lord Hector."

Hector frowned thrumming his finger son his axe handle. "Does Lyn now about this?"

"Yes Mi'lord, we informed Lady Lyndis of this tragic happening, and she has already given her thoughts on the matter." Sain piped up.

"And they were?" Hector prompted.

"She wishes to stay here and defend the town." Kent told him. His face told he approved of that course of action. Hector rubbed his chin, and sighed. He didn't like making decisions like this.

"Alright, we'll stay here, and defend the town." Hector stopped drumming his fingers on his axe. "But remember to keep a low profile; we don't want anymore attention then we have to have." Hector looked around the room, getting nods from everyone, except Matthew who had disappeared again. There was no worry there though, the theif always kept a low profile. Now maybe he could get back to Eliwood and finish there talk.

"Hmmmm, how many did you say there were Kent?" The tactician asked, spreading a map out.

"About fifty." Kent replied quickly. "But Sain and I can go look again, Mark."

"No, no, Marcus, have Guy, and Rath go see. They can get closer without being noticed." Mark commanded, and then looked mystified. "If there are fewer then that then maybe we can ambush them and take care of our problems. Now where is my pencil.....?"

Hector sighed, and walked to the door. He walked quickly up the hall. He took the stairs two at a time, and nearly ran into Nils.

"Ack!" Nils fell back on his rear, and smiled at Hector. "Hello Lord Hector, going to turn in for the night?"

"Ah, no." Hector help the bard back up. "I don't think I'll get much sleep tonight."

"Really? It is 'cause of the bandits?" Nils asked.

"Somewhat, how did you hear about that so quickly? I just learned about it myself."

"Ninian sensed something, and she asked the tactician about it." Nils nodded sagely, and picked his scarf up from where he had dropped it. "I did to. Now, if you'll excuse me Lord Hector, I'm going to sleep. Good Night to you."

"Good Night Nils." Hector watched the child bounce down the stairs, and disappear into one of the rooms. Hector looked down the hall to his own room, and sighed. He paused in front of the door, gathering his thoughts, and yawning. It had been a long day. He pushed open the door, and found a surprising seen waiting him. Lyndis had fallen sleep in her chair, though she looked very uncomfortable, and Eliwood was also asleep. His chest rose and feel evenly, and slowly, as it should. Hector let a hand rest on the others forehead. The fever was still there, and it was a little higher then it had been when Eliwood first woke up. Hector frowned, and then looked at Lyndis.

She looked very young, her head resting on the crook of her elbow, but certainly she was no younger then Eliwood. No, she was older then Eliwood was, but just by months. Hector sat watching her, and then moved to wake her. He reached out to shake her awake, and as soon as his hand touched her shoulder her eyes snapped open. Her hand flew for the Mani Katti, and stopped just short of if. She blinked, and yawned.

"Sorry." She murmured, and stretched like a cat. Her back cracked, and she made a face. "I'll never sleep in a chair again."

"Have fun playing baby sitter?" Hector asked, sitting down on his bed, and kicking off his boots.

Lyndis rolled her eyes. "So what have they decided to do? About the bandits, I mean."

Hector stifled a yawn. "We're going to stay here, and defend from the town; unless there are fewer then we first thought. Then we'll go attack them. Mark sent Guy, and Rath to see exactly how many there are. Matthew found out they are mostly renegade soldier, nothing very serious. We shouldn't have a problem with them."

"Any enemy, no matter how weak looking, should be treated warily." Lyndis snapped sleepily. "If your underestimate your opponent it could be the last mistake you make."

"Yeah, yeah." Hector sighed, and glanced at Eliwood. He looked back to Lyndis, and saw her nodding off. "You should go to sleep. It won't do to have you falling asleep during if we do have to fight."

"I won't fall asleep during a fight." Lyndis managed a sleep veiled glare. "But I do mean to talk to Mark again about our plans. Oh, and Serra gave Eliwood something to bring his fever down more, and help him sleep. I'll see you in the morning."

"Yeah, good night." Hector watched her leave, and marveled at the almost predatory grace she moved with. It occurred to him suddenly that she didn't walk like many women did. She walked more like a man, with the long purposeful strides, and not the quick small strides of a woman. She was, after all, a warrior. After she was outside Hector smacked his forehead with the heel of his hand.

"Great, you'll end up like Sain if you keep this up." Hector muttered to himself. He considered waking Eliwood up, but decided against it. The Lord was sleeping peacefully, and it would most likely bring the rath of the healers down on his head if he did wake him up. Though, drugged as he was, Hector wondered if it would be possible to wake him up.

"It doesn't really matter, does it? We never get very far because your so stuborn. Each time I talk to you someone interrupts, and I'm left with more questions then answers. Why do you hate me, and have you always? Why've you been acting like this, and why couldn't I see it?" Hector realized he was talking to himself, and chuckled mirthlessly. "Maybe I'm the one who's not right in the head. Talking to people who can't hear me."

Hector blew out the last candle in the room and sat on his bed. He had meant what he said to Nils about not getting much sleep this night. There was too much to think on.

/--/

"Thirty seven?" Hector grinned slightly. "That's not too many."

"Right." Mark looked at the list he held. "I've made a list of the people we'll be taking with us, and who'll stay here incase some of the bandits reach the city. It is possible that part of the group has split off and are going to launch an attack on the city when we leave it." Lyndis took the list from Mark, and looked over it carefully.

"Alright then, I'll command the people left here in case the bandits reach the town." Lyndis agreed. "Heath and Viada will take turns watching from the air, and Rath, Rebecca, Matthew, and Jaffar will watch from the ground." Hector noticed the slight distaste Lyndis put with Jaffar's name.

"Have fun." Hector slapped her good naturedly on the shoulder.

"I'm going to check on our supplies before we leave....." Mark settled in to mumbling, and wandered off... in the wrong direction.

Hector shrugged. "He'll get there eventually I'm sure."

"The most bumbling man I now, but at least he can coordinate an attack." Lyndis muttered. "Did Eliwood wake up again?"

"No, the stuff Serra gave him must really work, or he's actually that tired." _Or he's trying to make me leave him alone._ Hector froze, his mind working quickly. _ What if he tries to kill himself again? He's certainly well enough to get up....._

"Hector, you still there? Lyndis asked, waving a hand in front of the other lord's face. "Hey, wake up."

Hector blinked, and took a step back. "Sorry, just thinking about something."

"Obviously so." Lyndis smiled slightly, mirth trickling into her features. "What about? The pretty bar maid from last night?"

"What? No!" Hector scowled. _Women! _"Actually, I need to ask a favor of you Lyn."

"As long as it has nothing to do with bar maids, of course." Lyndis tried to regain a serious face, but failed.

Hector bit back a sharp retort, and rubbed his forehead. "No, it has nothing to do with bar maids. I want you to watch Eliwood for me, just to make sure he doesn't try to get out of bed."

"That's all? You want me to watch Eliwood for you?" Lyndis asked, regaining a slightly serious expression.

"Not you personally, but have someone on there who can watch him." Hector noted how odd his instructions sounded, but it was all he could say without telling Lyndis what was going on.

"Sure, don't worry. You're the one going into battle." Lyndis nodded, serious now. "He's in the best of hands, that's why Priscillia, and Lucius are staying behind today."

"Thanks Lyn." Hector glanced in the direction Mark had gone. "I'd better go make sure he doesn't fall in a hole and never come back. Absentminded fool he is we need him." Hector muttered, and went to find the missing tactician.

"Good bye to you as well." Lyndis chuckled, and walked back up the stairs. She paused at the door to Eliwood and Hector's room, and listened to the faint strains of flute music coming from it. She smiled, and carefully stepped into the room. Nils was sitting in a chair, playing softly, eyes closed, and a peaceful expression on his face.

Lyndis moved another chair to the other side of the bed, and hummed softly to the music. Nils' playing faltered, and he snapped his eyes open. "Lady Lyndis! Sorry, I was just...."

"It's alright Nils, I like to hear you play." Lyndis propped her heel on the seat of the chair, and subconsciously adjusted her skirt.

"I'm glad you do Lady Lyndis. I would be in my room, or somewhere else practicing, but no one seems to be in a very good mood today but Sain." Nils' cheeks colored slightly. "And he's, um, busy."

Lyndis' cheeks colored as well, and she scrambled for another subject. "How's Ninian been doing? She hasn't looked her best these past few days."

"Oh, she's fine, just a little under the weather." Nils smiled childishly. "She'll be fine after a little rest."

"I hope she's well enough to go into battle, Mark plans to take her with the group going out to the forest."

"Oh, she'll be fine, but I better tell her." Nils hopped from his chair. " I ask leave of you, Lady Lyndis." He dropped into an elegant bow.

Lyndis suppressed a laugh, and inclined her head the 'lady like' way she had been taught. "I give you leave to go, Master Nils." Nils bobbed up from his bow grinning, and hopped out the door, starting to play on his flute again. The lively tune could be heard after he was gone. Lyndis turned back to Eliwood, and looked the lord over. He looked better, but his complexion was still paler then west healthy. Eliwood mumbled something softly.

He shifted, and Lyndis noticed on of his arms was out of the covers. She reached to place it back, and froze. Here eyes grew wide, then snapped into a glare. He carefully examined the pink scar across Eliwood's wrist, and bit back several of the more earthy oaths she knew.

_So this is why Hector wanted me to watch him, isn't it? How could he not tell me? _ Lyndis snapped up from her chair, and hoped Hector wasn't gone. She nearly slammed the door behind her, and dashed down the hall. She whipped around a corner, and ran into Nils again.

"Oof." Lyndis toppled down the stairs, dragging Nils with her. " Sorry Nils." She carefully rolled off the bard, and helped him up. "Has Hector's company left already?"

"Yes, they had already gone when I went to find Ninian, is something wrong Lady Lyndis?" Nils asked, seeing the frown on her face.

"Nothing that can't wait, I hope. Nils, will you go watch Eliwood for me? I have to organize the people still here."

Yes 'mam." Nils hopped up the stairs whistling as he went. Lyndis clenched a hand around the Mani Katti's hilt, and stalked off to find the people who were to be sentries. Her jaw was clenched, and her mind a tumble of thoughts. _Is Eliwood really capable of doing something like that? No, he couldn't be, but he did lose his father recently. Why wouldn't Hector ask for help? Or say something to me? _ The emotions were anger and dread. The reason for her watching could only be that. It was impossible for Hector not to know; he had found Eliwood, and brought him back. The healers _had_ been very tight lipped about exactly why Eliwood was so sick.

_I'll have to wait, Hector won't be back for a while. _"Rath! Go find Matthew, Rebecca, and Jaffar, and post them as sentries." Lyndis called to the nomad trooper. All she could do was wait.

A/N: Ehee, It seems everyone is running into Nils of late. Oh wells! Forget what I said about Christmas Holiday, I've been busier then I was with school. --; Sorry for the wait. I'll try to put the nest chapter up sooner, and I'll try not to make it a cliff hanger........ Jaa ne!


	13. Dagger

The soft playing woke me, pushing me from my thoughts of sleep, and guiding me awake. I blinked at the ceiling, and rolled my head sideways to see who was playing. The answer was evident before I saw Nils. No one else knew how to play the flute to my knowledge. I watched the boy play, his face a perfect picture of joy, and peace. Not a touch of sadness was evident It made me sick.

The music was sweet, soft, and happy in a subdued way. I clenched my hands, and grappled for my mask. Awkwardly forcing the perfect appreciative smile onto my face. I shut my eyes willing them to portray the same emotion. When I looked back to Nils he had stopped playing, and smiled widely at me.

"Good Morning Lord Eliwood, or actually it's afternoon." Nils nodded to himself, and placed the flute in his lap. "Lady Lyndis, and Lord Hector have been worried about you. You're lucky to have such friends."

I wanted to laugh. Hector, a friend? I hated him more then any one, that was hardly what most people called a friend. Lyndis was no better. She had tittered away with the rest of them, and assumed I had fallen for her looks. I forced down the twisted smile, and nodded stiffly. "Am I bed bound, or may I go to the kitchens?"

"Lady Lyndis didn't say anything about you not leaving , so I guess so. As long as you're well enough to make it down there." Nils reasoned, tapping his flute to his chin.

I nodded, and pushed myself up. My head didn't spin as much as it did yesterday, but it was still painful. "What happened to the bandits?"

"There weren't nearly as many as there were, and so Lord Hector, and Mark took about twenty of our forces, and defeated them." Nils explained. "They said it was an unusually easy battle."

"That's good to hear." I replied, surprised to know it really was. I should have been happy if Hector died. "Thank you Nils."

Nils looked puzzled. "Your...welcome, but I haven't done anything Lord Eliwood."

I chuckled closing my eyes to keep from getting dizzy. "You've told me what has happened, and for that I am thankful. You may go now." I smiled at him, still keeping my eyes closed.

"Alright, I need to check on Ninian anyway. The battle really drained her." Nils rambled as he stood up. "Are you sure you don't want me to get one of the healers Lord Eliwood? You have been very sick." My head snapped up, and I gave Nils' imploring face a wide eyed stare. He couldn't know, he wouldn't....

Unless Hector had told him.

I couldn't stop my hands from knotting around the sheets, and barely kept my lips from twisting into a snarl. "N-no, I'm alright. I'm feeling much better actual." 'Much' might have been an exaggeration, but I felt better.

"I'll be going then." Nils bowed jerkily, a newly acquired sign of respect, and left. I groaned, and rubbed my head. Over all I felt like crap, and Hector had said I looked it to. I didn't doubt it. I scrubbed a hand through my hair, and pushed my legs over the side of the bed. The floor was mercifully warm, but as soon as I stood the world spun. I clutched at the chair Nils had left by the bed, and leaned heavily on it. The room darkened, stopped spinning, and came back to normal brightness. First things first-clothes. The room was colder then it had been under the covers, and I was beginning to shiver. The feverish, aching feeling that was brought on by the fever returning, and I wished my under tunic was thicker.

I found my tunic, and other clothes quickly. The fine, thick fabric was cold, but I forced myself into it. I dressed slowly, having to stop and wait for my vision to clear, and nearly losing my balance twice. I was finally dressed, and carefully looked around outside to make sure there was no one in the hallway. It was deserted.

I slipped carefully down it, my thoughts focused on staying up right. I paused, catching voices I knew through the door of one room. I couldn't make out the words, so I cracked the door open, and found no one there. The voices continued, one outraged, and one resigned. It was Hector and Lyndis. I closed the door softly, and looked to the other door. I moved closer to that door, and could hear everything that was being said.

"I don't know honestly, I thought it had something to do with Lord Elbert dying, but now I'm not sure." Hector explained wearily. I tensed, my stomach twisting itself, and my head pounding with renewed fury.

"What made you think you could help him by yourself? Your no older then he is." Lyndis snapped, her voice edged with a fury only women could posses. I clenched my hands on my tunic, and realized I had no weapons. The dagger I kept in my boot was gone. My rapier was in my room, and I had lost the other dagger.

I had also lost my circlet. I felt my forehead, pressing my fingers to where the metal used to rest. I could almost feel it there, and ghostly feeling of metal, pressing softly against my head. Reminding me of what I was.

"I was trying to gain his trust back." Hector's voice gained a sharp edge. I grinned bemusedly, and caught a chair for balance. He was doing a wonderful job of that. "Lyn, you don't know what it's like having your best friend-"

"Hector! Listen to me! I'm trying to help. I want to help! I want to know what's going on." Lyndis cut Hector off, and I heard her foot hit the ground with more force then was necessary. My lips twisted into a sick parody of a smile, and I clenched my hands around the chair's smooth seat. She wanted to help, did she? How could she help? How could she know what was wrong, what it was like? How could she expect to help me, when I didn't want help myself. If I really didn't want help.

I swore silently, and vehemently. Hector was finally getting to me, cracking through the mask that I had so painstakingly fixed. "Lyn! Quiet! You're too loud." Their voices dropped, and I couldn't hear what they were saying. I ground me teeth together, and stood up carefully. It was a small private dining room. Hector's weapons were lying in a small pile in one corner. They had been used recently, the axe just cleaned. I spied a small dagger lying by them, and pounced on it. I wrapped my finger triumphantly around the treasure, shooting a look at the closed door.

Hector was a liar, and he had been one of the soul objects of my hate for as long as it had been around. When things got unbearable he seemed to be around all the times I wanted to be alone. Now Lyndis would share it. Now she was trying to help him. I growled something under my breath, surprising myself, and slipped the dagger into my boot. It fit perfectly, not showing anywhere. I steadied myself with a hand on the floor to keep from falling. I slipped the blade out, examining the edge. I ran a hesitant finger down the blade, and felt it just barely cut the skin. Blood welled up on the cut, and I looked broodingly at it.

The blade came to rest on my wrist, easily pressed there, thoughts supressed as I looked at it. It would be simple, and easy.

Wrist or neck, and it would be over.

I pressed harder, and the keen blade made a small cut. Footsteps sounded for the door, and I quickly jammed the dagger away in my boot. I started to stand as the door knob jiggled, and slammed my head into the table. Everything went white, then black.

"Eliwood!" Hector's suprised vioce was unbearably loud. I winced, and he carefully propped me up. Everything was spinning, and I felt as if my head had split in two. I didn't even notice the fact he was holding me us, handling me like I was made of glass.

"Eliwood, you shouldn't be out of bed." Lyndis said in a soothing vioce. Hate boiled past the pain, and I looked at her with innocent curiousity.

"I was going to get something to eat, but I forgot I didn't know where the kitchen was." I lied sweetly. I never planend to go to the kitchen, though I was hungry. I wanted out.

"You should have asked someone to get it for you. Nils was in your room earlier, and I thought he still was." Lyndis frowned at Hector, and I wanted to scream. I was suprised to find I hated her almost as much as Hector. The pity in her vioce wasn't veiled, and it was all directed at me. There was curiousity as well, and apprehension. She was beginning to doubt what I had done. What Hector had told her I had done.

"He was worried about Ninian, so I told him to go see to her." I lied carefully. I smiled slightly, dizzy, and sick.

"You still shouldn't be up, and know you've hurt yourself." Lyndis' vioce was soothing. Poor Eliwood gotta booboo and needs Lady Lyndis to make it all bedder for him, doesn't he? I laughed. Hector tensed, and Lyndis jerked back. It was mixed laughter. Mirth, anger, and things I couldn't understand vented through the cackling laughter.

"Maybe you hit your head harder then I thought." Lyndis suggested shakily. Hector placed me in two chairs scooted together, and I laughed still. Tears ran down my face, and my stomach muscles began to cramp. I finally stopped, gasping for breath, and grinning like an idiot. Hector hadn't spoken to me yet. I smiled widely at him, and giggled slightly. His face was tense, he knew I wasn't amused.

"Eliwood, how long have you been out of bed?" Hector asked.

I smiled still, and gave him a blisfully cheerful look from under my bangs. "Good old Hector, always finding out what's important, isn't he? Lady Lyndis as well, just so full of concern for llittle old me." I rambled simply. Lyndis gave Hectot a disturbed look over my head. _Over My Head!_

"Eliwood, how long have you been in here." Hetcor asked sternly. I couldn't fool him any more.

"What would it matter to good Lord Hetcor? Poor little me is just to below him to understand anything he does." I kept my vioce cheerful, battling down the hate, and anger. "Lady Lyndis as well, they're both so wonderful, and caring."

"Eliwood." Hetcor's tone carried a vague threat.

I pulled a leg onto the chair, and rested my chin on my knees. I clasped my hands around my leg, resting them comftrably near my newly aquired dagger, and looked at Hector sweetly. "I have no idea what you're trying to say. I've never had one actually. I suppose it's for the best, two heads are better then one. So they say, but who are they anyway?"

Hetcor now looked slightly concerned. He reached out, and touched my forehead. I forced myself not to flinch, and met his gaze streadily. He was finally unhorsed. Not knowing whether I had snapped or not.

Lyndis didn't know if I had either. "Eliwood, you really should go back to bed. I'll go find one of the healers."

I laughed, a short barking laugh, and shot Hector a hateful look. "You didn't tell anyone did you? No, of course you didn't." I looked at Lyndis, and let my lips twist into a sneer. "Or did you figure it you all one your own?"

Lyndis looked startled, and then she regained herself. She gave me a hard Sacean look, and crossed her arms. "I did, Hector didn't tell me anything. You shouldn't blame him for my finding out. You tried to kill yourself; did you think no one would find out?"

I laughed again, a soft chuckle. "Aah, no, I expected to die my good Lady. I expected to leave this place, and for everyone to know. I have Lord Hector to thank for that though. He saved me from the brink of Hell, and brought me back here."

Lyndis bit her lip, looking at Hector for help. Hector sighed, and swung a chair around to face my two. "Eliwood, listen. We are trying to help you."

"Who said I wanted you darn help?" I asked testily.

"Eliwood, were your friends-" Lyndis started.

"Of course you are, everyone hates there friends I suppose." I answered smoothly, mixing my mask with my real emotions. I could hold it against her, I could twist her around, and break her so badly she'd never want to see me again. I could scare her, unnerve her. I could make her leave me alone. Why wouldn't Hector, I had given him reason, I had played with his emotions, taunted him, ridiculed him, but he wouldn't leave me alone. What would it take to make him leave me alone?

"Dangit, Eliwood, we _are trying_ to help you. Get that through your thick head! Can't you just be obliging for once?" Hector asked angrily. I smiled easily at him, an infuriating smile.

"What are you going to do if I don't?" What could you do that you haven't already done to me?

"Hector muttered something under his breath, and Lyndis glared at him quickly. "Eliwood we're trying to help you, if you'd just tell us what's wrong then you'd feel better." Her voice was still soft, sympathetic, and urging. I knew what she was trying to do. Trying to make me believe what she was saying.

I gave her a hateful look, no longer seeing the strange Sacean beauty, but an enemy. "How the heck do you know what would make me feel better?" I spat out, my voice taking on a soft tone that I had rarely used before. "How do you expect to feel something you don't understand?" I asked softly, keeping a steady gaze on her.

"How am I supposed to answer that when I don't know what you're talking about." Lyndis countered. She didn't raise her voice, and it wasn't as fun to play with as it was Hector any more. She was adapting to the situation, feeling what it needed to be overcome. Finding out what she needed to overcome me.

"If you're as smart as you act then it should be no problem for you to figure it out." I replied sweetly, grinning innocently. I slipped from face to face, falling and sliding into another as it suited my whim.

"Making conclusions from physical evidence is easier then making conclusions from mental ones." Lyndis told me soothingly. She sat down in another chair, leaning forward slightly. I felt like a child; a simple box she was trying to unlock. I hated her meddling more then Hector's. That surprised me. She had no right to bother me, to pick at what she had only helped create.

"The you'd best get to work." I slipped back into the soft tone, and listened as it smoldered with anger, and contempt. "I don't have all day. I have other.... things to attend to." One hand rubbed the scar on the other's wrist; the shallow stinging cut on it twinging as my finger ran across it. Hector froze. He was getting very good at picking up my subtle threats, and hints. I smiled thinly at Hector.

"No you don't you're staying here until we get to the bottom of this, no matter how long it takes." Hector snapped, crossing his arms over his chest. He made it clear he was ready for a long wait. I smiled at him, trying to unnerve him again, but his face didn't change.

"Eliwood we really do want to help. You _are_ our friend, and we don't like seeing you this way." Lyndis coaxed softly. Her voice held a motherly tone that reminded me uncomfortably of me mother trying to get me to confess to something naughty I had done. My mother, the woman who had spent her life caring for me when she could.

I clenched my hands tightly, but Lyndis was looking at my face, She didn't see the frustration expressed through the tightening muscles, or the crescent moon makes appearing on my skin under my nails. The small cut on my finger throbbed, reminding me how short of a reach it was to the knife in my boot. No, not yet. If Hector knew of the knife he would take it away. He would deprive me of my escape again.

Hector saw my hands, and tensed. He was ready to react, though he didn't know what I planned to do. What _could_ I do when I could barely stand? I couldn't run away. I kept looking at Lyndis, glancing at Hector now, and again.

"Of course, how silly of me." I smiled easily, releasing the tension in my hands with an effort. There were ten slightly bloody marks on them. "Of course telling you what I feel will magically make it better. It'll make everything go away, and everything will be right I suppose?" My voice grew with hate, my shoulders going taut. "Heckuva chance of that, now isn't there?" I snapped up right suddenly, starling both Hector, and Lyndis. Using this to my advantage I shakily swung over the table, and hit the floor shakily. Hector grabbed me before I could fall, or get any farther away.

I looked at his hand wrapped around my arm, and slowly followed it up to his face. He looked at me carefully, a gauging look. "Why're you still doing this?" I asked. "You know I'm not going to say anything else, and that I don't want your help."

"But you can't go on living like this." Lyndis protested.

"How can you tell me how I can live when you don't know?" I turned to face her again, pulling uselessly at Hector's hold on my arm. Why did he always end up trapping my physically?

Lyndis paused, and frowned slightly. Hector let out half a sigh as she spoke. "I don't have to know everything, but it's not good to bottle everything up till it drives you off the edge." She protested.

"Why won't you just come out and say it? I tried to commit suicide, and I'm not sorry about it. I'm screwed up, possibly more then you think, and the fact that you thought I was something I'm not frightens you. You're starting to wonder what I'll do next, what I'm capable of. That's why you still have the Mani Katti with you when Hector left his axe over in the corner." I smiled at her sympathetically. "Poor girl, you really don't have to be here. What will happen will happen wether you're here or not." Hector's grip tightened painfully on my arm, and I had a hard time not wincing.

Lyndis didn't say anything. She glanced away from me and looked at Hector . Her eyes gave away her apprehension, and the tense way she picked at a frayed spot on her arm guard spoke of anger. She didn't like being figured out so easily. I had, evidently, gotten it perfectly right.

Hector roughly pushed me into another chair, making me yelp as his fingers tightened around my arm. "Stop it. Stop trying to manipulate her, and stop saying you don't want help. You said you hated the pain, and that they loved you. 'They' are your parents."

I tensed glaring at him, and pulled at my arm. "Let go." I knew I was starting to sound like a child, my voice going shaky.

"No, I'm not letting go of you." Hector snapped.

"Let go! It was them. I don't want your help, and I don't want your pity. You _can't_ help me."

"Can not, or may not?" He asked me softly.

I tensed, my lips turned up in a snarl, and jerked my arm viciously. It did nothing but dump me from the chair. "Stop it." I hissed. My arm was pulled up at an uncomfortable angle. I was tired, frustrated, and had something building in my throat. It was either a scream, or a sob.

Hector kneeled down on the floor, lessening the strain on my arm. "I'm not going to leave you alone till you tell me what's wrong, and until then I'll keep trying." I studied him carefully. Maybe, just maybe he could....

There was a sharp knock on the door, and Marcus opened it. "Forgive me Lord Eliwood, Lord Hector, and Lady Lyndis, Lord Athos has appeared, and needs to speak to you right away. He says it is most urgent." I pulled myself off the floor, and Hector helped me up. Lyndis glanced at us nervously, and then smiled at Marcus.

"Thank you for telling us Sir Marcus." Lyndis smiled in a charming way. I jerked my arm out of Hector's hold, and glared at him.

"Marcus, wait a moment." I trotted to catch up with the paladin. "I need to ask you something." I could almost feel Hector tense. I smiled easily at the paladin, and left the two conspirators to their ways.

A/N: I promise this is the very last time a chapter will end like this! Promise! I'm still not very happy with the ending, but it'll have to work. Sorry for the long wait, and only for a chapter I am _not_ happy with. --; Review if you please. Jaa ne.


	14. Dragon Blood

"How is he?"

"I don't know, I haven't been in yet."

"It's awful.....Nils won't even say anything. Sain's been trying to get him to talk, but it's not working. I...." The words were caught off with a teary sigh. "It's not fair........"

"Life isn't fair sometimes."

"How can you just stand there and say that! She just _died_! He _killed_ her! She _loved_ him Hector! Do you have any idea what it was like for her? Being killed by the person she loved?" The words stopped again, sobs replaced them. "He didn't mean to..........did he?"

"No, I........." There was a tense sigh. "I don't think so Lyndis. I think it was the sword, not Eliwood. I don't think he would......."

"Who knows, Hector, I don't know any more.......... He didn't cry."

"No, he didn't cry, but sometimes it hurts too much to cry."

"If it hurts at all." The was a deep breath, and a re-forming of the her voice. "I.... I also want to say I think you should talk to him alone."

"What made you decide this?"

"This is something you and Eliwood have to do. You have to decide what we have to do, and he hates me anyway."

"He hates me as well Lyn."

"I'm not so sure he does....." The words trailed off. "I'm going to see Nils. I have to get some broth before hand, so I'd better go. I wish you luck."

"You make it sound like I'm going to fight some beast."

"I wish you luck all the same." She walked away, her feet loud in the stillness. Hector sighed, and pushed the tent flap back. He found me the way I had been for hours, staring at the opposite wall, my knees hugged to my chest. I didn't even looked at him as he came in. My throat was tight, and my mind fell over itself to run in circles.

_She deserved to die, she was a dragon....but did you have to kill her, she loved you, there's no denying that......She was just like everyone else, only worse...but she loved you........She **loved** you....._

"Eliwood..."Hector voice was hesitant. I didn't know what to think of him. My mind was numb, unable to process more thought then the circles it had been going in for hours. My feelings had dropped somewhere out of touch since my blade had rent her open from shoulder to hip. The horrid gash flashed in my mind, her ribs exposed, organs visible through the blood.

The blood.

The wild, and sickening tang of blood still rolled in my mouth. The feel of the thick liquid as it rolled over my arms, showering me in a deadly bath of dragon's blood. It had burned after a while, leaving a tender rash across my cheeks, and over my right hand. My right hand hurt the most. It had burned viciously for hours, and was now tender to the touch. I had been rubbing it before Hector came in. Aggravating the raw skin, and trying to distract myself from the mind numbing circles.

_You killed an innocent girl who loved you.............but she was a dragon, and lied about it. She deserved to get whatever death was served to her..........but she loved you, and she helped everyone........She was a dragon, a beast that you should kill, a horrid creature that nearly wiped out the human race......but she had a brother, everyone liked her, and she loved you. You killed the girl who loved you...........but you killed the dragon, you saved everyone.......You killed Ninian....._

"Eliwood, you're making your hand worse." Hector intoned softly. I winced as my left hand clenched around my right eliciting a slight whimper from my tightly clenched mouth. I didn't let go. I twisted my hand, trying to drive away the thoughts, trying to make them end. I wanted to stop thinking, to stop chasing myself in circles about what I didn't want to think about.

_Worthless kid killed the girl that loved him.............._

"No!" I yelled, my head came up, and I gasped as my fingernails dug into the back of my right hand. Blood, and other fluids welled up in the shallow grooves.

"Stop it." Hector pulled my hands apart, holding my left securely. He was sitting on my bed, looking at my bedraggled appearance. My hair fell into my face, and stuck up in odd places, and a few strands were stuck to my cheek. I tried to flick some of by bangs out of my face, realizing they needed a cut. I wondered why I hadn't noticed before.

"Eliwood are you alright?" Hector shook his head. "No you're not, I can see that. You look like death warmed over."

"And what does Death look like Hector? Have you ever seen Death?" I asked, and smirk trying to twist onto my face, but my stiff cheeks prohibited it.

Hector frowned, and look at my face. "One of the healers could take care of that easily." He murmured. "Why don't I go get one of them when we're done." I could almost feel the blood splashing on my face again, sliding down my neck, and settling in my clothes.

"Some people say that Death is a beautiful woman, and some say that Death's a man in a black cloak. Everyone says that Death is terrible, frightening beyond reason, and yet.....alluring." I unconsciously tested Hector's grip on my arm. It was solid as always. "So, have you seen Death Hector?"

"What are you talking about? How can you see death?" Hector asked. His forehead creased as he thought. "You're not delirious are you?"

"Hmm? Oh, who can say if I am." I forced more words out, blocking out the thoughts.

_Worthless kid killed the girl that loved him.............._

"You can see Death Hector, though not many see Death, and live to tell the tale. Death is Death after all. A sweet rest after the hard toils of life." I winced away from the subject as it focused on my thoughts more strongly.

_Worthless kid killed the girl that loved him.............._

Hector's hand reached out, and found my forehead. He pulled a few hairs off my cheek, making me wince. His hand was warm. Blessedly different from the cold that had wrapped itself around me, and refused to dissipate. I unintentionally leaned into his hand, resting my head on his palm, leaning on the warm human touch.

"You're freezing Eliwood." Hector said softly. His grip on my hand slackened, and he wrapped his hand around my hand fingers. I was surprised to see his hand covered mine.

"You think I don't know?" I whispered. I turned my head, looking at him flatly. I couldn't muster anything else. The hate I usually felt was gone, buried under the cold void that had covered me.

"I suppose you do." Hector sighed, and removed his hands from me. He stood up, and grabbed something off the other bed in the tent. I grabbed my right wrist, and hugged my knees to my chest. I shivered, and propped my chin on my knees. Hector dropped a blanket around my shoulders, and pulled it around them when I didn't move. He sat down opposite me again. We sat in silence, I was trying to chase my thoughts away, and he looked lost in thought as well.

"Why do you keep doing this?" I asked softly, forcing myself to raise my head, and look at him.

"Doing what?" Hector asked with a little more volume to his voice.

"Why do you keep coming to talk to me after I've said I hate you so many times? After all the times I've yelled at you........ Why don't you just give up and go away, and leave me alone?" I tried to force my voice over a whisper, but gave up. The effort was wasted on breathing. I shivered, and wrapped my arms tighter around my legs. "Why didn't you just give up?"

"Because I'm stubborn." Hector replied. He reached forward, and grabbed the blanket, which had begun to slide off my shoulders. "Everyone's told me that all my life, and I stand on no ground to deny it. Heck, I know I'm stuborn, but that's not all of it. I wanted to help you because you're my friend, whether you thought of it that way or not I did, and I still do. I've thought of you as a friend since we first met, at that council meeting."

I cast my memory back, falling away from the repudiative circles, and into a time I had almost forgotten. "We swore oaths, and shook hands to be bound my blood to those oaths. I turned my left hand up, and looked across it. "I still have the scar after all these years."

"Eh, mine got covered up when I broke a window." Hector looked at his own right hand. "You remember that?"

"You pushed Luke out the window and got beaten raw for it by Uther, how could I forget?" I asked softly. That day was burned into my memory for other reasons as well. Other reasons that pulled my mind back around, taunting me.

_Worthless kid killed the girl that loved him.............._

My hand inched down to my boot, and I talked on, keeping Hector's eyes on my face. "You think I would forget it?"

"I wondered if you would. You hardly seem to be the boy I befriended, or were you always like this?" Hector asked, looking intently at my face.

"No, I wasn't. I loved people just for the sake of loving, and held things dear because they were there. My mother would laugh at me, and say I was the best thing about her life. She would catch me in her arms, and tell me to never stop laughing, to never stop being me." My hand slipped into my boot, and a cold metal hilt met it. It sent a cold shock up my arm, and I winced. I covered it with a shiver.

"You used to like butterflies." Hector remembered softly. He inched across the bed, and pulled one knee up to his chest."

That was true, I had done those things. I could remember crying over a butterfly I found dead in my window sill. It's wings were broken, and it shivered in the wind from my breath. "Butterflies are worthless creatures to cry over. They die everyday, and live only a few days. It's just a bug, not a person. A worthless bug..... Worthless, good for nothing bug!" I snapped, my face twisted, in a grimace of pain, and anger. "If something has no worth does it deserve to live?"

Hector looked surprised. I snapped my hand up, and tucked it to my chest. "If something is useless should it linger around?" I asked. My heart beat faster, and I couldn't help the apprehension creeping past the cold wrap around my feelings.

"It depends on what you're talking about." Hector put a hand to my forehead. "'If something is no longer of any use it should be discarded.' Our weapon master told us that when we were just learning how to take acre of weapons."

"Then you agree?" I asked. My head leaned against his hand, my body tired.

"If something has no more use then it should be discarded." Hector nodded. _Worthless, worthless, worthless, worthless.... Worthless things should be disposed of._

"I thought you would." I winced as I gingerly felt one of my cheeks. "Maybe I will let one of the healers look at this." I murmured.

"I'll go find one, you should rest some more." Hector stood up, and looked down at me. "Stay here okay?"

"Sure." I looked at him, and then looked at my knees. "I'm sorry Hector."

He tensed. "Sorry for what?"

"For saying you lied. You......you were telling the truth after all." I smiled slightly. "I was just trying to blame you so I wouldn't have to face it."

"After one of the healers looks at your cheeks, and hand we'll talk alright?" Hector's voice was gruff, trying to be comforting, but not truly knowing how.

"Alright." I watched him go, and counted to thirty. I slipped off the bed, and rolled under the tent flap. I stood on shaky legs, and walked quickly into the woods. I slowly gained speed on my unsteady legs, and ran through the underbrush. I tripped, and fell onto the ground. I sat up, and looked around. I was lost, but that didn't matter. I sighed, and laughed a little. It was true, every thing that I had denied was true. Hector hadn't been lying, I was the one who had lied. Hector had been telling the truth all along.

I found it hurt. Something hurt deep inside. Something had been betrayed, hurt deeply by what Hector had said. Something ached enough to escpe the cold blanket wrapped around my feelings.

I was shaken to my core, feeling lost, and stranded in a new place that was more treacherous then any place I had ever been before. I reached into my boot, and pulled out the cold dagger. The emblem of Ostia rested on it, and I smiled at the irony. I ran my fingers down the blade drawing blood that fell onto the blade. I rolled up my sleeve a drew a fine line along it. It stung, but didn't draw blood. I guided the blade carefully, my mind losing itself in pain, and a feeling I couldn't describe. It was a pungent mix of sorrow, and loneliness. Blood flowed freely from my arm, but my wrist remained untouched.

My stomach suddenly turned, and I doubled over. I retched, my mind reeling, and protesting. I wasn't! It was lies again! I looked at my arm, blood poured off it, falling to the ground. I clutched the dagger, and pressed my hand to the ground. I didn't know what I wanted. The pain wouldn't drive away my thoughts. I wanted to stop thinking about everything. I wanted, I wanted............

With a shaky hand I undid the ties of my tunic, and bared my chest. The brisk air made me suck in a quick breath. I placed the dagger point on my skin, the cold metal sending shivers down my spine. I balanced my hand on the dagger's hilt, and bowed my head. One quick thrust was all it would take, one bone cracking blow would give me what I wanted.........

"That's not what you really want though." A hollow voice rang behind me. "Is it."

A/N:Please don't kill me, though I utterly deserve it! Sorry, it's repadative....still, and Hector was very bland! He didn't have much character, but maybe he's just too sad to be very Hector-ish. We're almost done! Two or three more chapters and an eppilouge! I feel bad about the long wait..... Oh, and incase you couldn't tell Ninian died, and Eliwood's trying to not blame himself for it. ;;;;;; Sorry, I hope to have the next chapter up soon, and please review.


	15. Breaking Point

"You don't really want to die, do you" The metal grated against my sternum, causing pain that made me gasp. A cold hand closed around my fingers, pulled the knife away from my chest. The hand pried the dagger loose from my fist, wresting my fingers from the metal. The dagger was slipped away into his belt, along with a flute. I tensed, and looked up at the face. The child's face look back at me, flat, and red eyed from crying.

"Do you? Haven't we lost enough people today without you taking your own life" He asked bitingly, clenching one hand around his scarf. I steadied myself with a hand on the ground. I had never seen Nils anything but cheerful, serious, and mad at the Black Fang for stealing his sister's ring Now his face was unreadable, a stormy surface of emotion I couldn't see past.

"How do you know what I want" I found myself asking. A slow trickle of blood began to make its way down my chest.

"Because you're not really ready to die. You don't want to die. You've tried once before, and you failed. You failed because Lord Hector saved you, and he found you because you saved him." Nils looked at my lacerated arm, and then back to my face. "You didn't really want to die then, or you would have. So why is now any different"

I glared at him, but is faded quickly. I pressed a hand to my bleeding chest, and felt my heart beating, pulsing blood out of my body, and onto my hand. "Because now I know the truth. Now I know they were right all along, and that everything I've been telling myself is a lie. Now I know that Hector wasn't lying after all, and that everything they said is true.

"Now I've let two people die. I let my father die on Dread Isle, and I've killed a dragon, no, a girl who loved me. I kill your sister; I killed Ninian."

Nils winced, and tightened his hands on his scarf. "Ninian's dead, Lord Elbert's dead, but you didn't kill them. Lord Elbert was killed by Black Fang, and Ninian was killed by the Durandel. She knew it too. She knew you didn't mean to kill her. She could feel the swords hatred for dragons; she could hear it's cry for dragon blood."

I laughed hollowly. "If I had had a stronger will maybe I would have had control over the Durandel. If I had set off sooner from Pherae I would have gotten to Dread Isle sooner, and saved my father. Why're you doing this Nils? I killed your sister. I could kill you. If you two truly are brother and sister, as you look it, then you're a dragon as well. How do you know that the next time I pick up the Durandel it will not seek your flesh"

"If it does, it does, but it won't unless I am in my dragon shape. Even if I did take on my dragon body I don't think it would. The Durandel's power took you by surprise, and if you're expecting it I think you will be able to control it." Nils explained. He pulled a handkerchief out of his pocket, and unstopped his water flask. "You, wether you believe it or not, are the only one who can stop Nergal."

"And how would you know that" I asked, watching him wet the handkerchief.

"Ninian told me you would." Nils moved to my arm, and began sponging the blood off. I hissed, and tried to yank my arm away. Nils grabbed my arm, and a numbing tingle went through it. "I can tell to now. She had a different type of power then I did; she gave it to me before she died." I looked suspiciously at my numb arm, and tried wiggling my fingers. The act sent shocks of cold pain up my arm, but the moved.

"I wouldn't try that. You're arms numb for a reason. It also slows down the blood." Nils' hands were red from the blood, but he kept working.

I gave up trying to get the dragon to stop, and looked around the woods. "Shouldn't you hate me, or at least be mad at me in some way"

"Maybe, but that won't bring Ninian back, will it" He gave me a strange look from under his bangs. "Dragons live longer then humans you know. I'm older then you think I am."

"I knew that." I said defensively, then I sighed. There was no more reason to lie to myself, or anyone else. _No! They are lying! You're not-_I smothered the protests slowly.

"What did you tell yourself so fervently it made up part of your life, and how did it turn out to be a lie" Nils voice was low, almost too soft to hear. "What made you hate your friends so much that you tried to kill yourself just to spite them" I stared at him, my mind racing over itself again. I looked at my left hand, and let my eyes trace the scar there.

The words spilled out, dropping from somewhere I couldn't name, and telling things I hardly knew myself. "I denied what I was just to escape having to admit someone was right, and made a friend an enemy. I lied away my life, holding up a defense to block out every word they said, and distanced myself from everyone. I've been living a false life; denying what everyone else knew to be a simple fact. If I had just excepted that instead of trying so hard to make myself believe it was a lie then maybe Ninian would still be alive. Maybe my father would still be around to help me." _Maybe I would still have a friend. _Part of me fought, and struggled. It wasn't my fault, they had lied. Why was I believing Hector now? His words had driven me out here. I hated him, so why listen to him?

Nils pulled a roll of bandages from his pouch, and began wrapping my arm. He tied it off, and snapped my sleeve down my arm. Feeling began to return to my limb. "What could someone tell you that would make you live like that" Nils asked. He squeezed out the handkerchief, and stuffed it back in his pouch.

I tensed. The pain in my arm slowly seeped back, but it wasn't a comfort. It was only a reminder of what I was. "He was a prestigious teacher. My father had learned from him, and was delighted I would be as well. I was excited as well, and couldn't wait to start my lessons, but I was also frightened. What if I couldn't live up to my father's expectation? I was already smaller then everyone else, even most of the girl were taller, and broader of shoulder then me..." I looked up, and found Nils standing in front of me. His crimson eyes looked down at me with a look of pity. I snapped my feet.

"Don't look at me like that" I clenched my right hand into a fist, causing spasm of pain. "Don't give me pity, I don't want it. I don't want to be pitied by anyone" I remembered Lyndis and the way she had pitied me. She said I had scared her. My lips twisted into the familiar parody of a smile.

"Is that why you felt the way you did when Hector pulled Lyndis into trying to help you? Is that why you tried to scare her so badly." Nils took in the slightly dumbfounded look on my face. "I heard everything of that talk, and I knew you had tried to kill yourself before that. If you hate Hector so much, then why were you so mad at him when he tried to get Lyndis to help him? Why not kill him? You've certainly had the chance to several times. Why save him"

I blanched I had thought that same thing several times. _Why not kill him?_ I knew I couldn't. I wouldn't have been able to kill him, even if the opportunity came again for me to do so. I could have let him die. I could have let him die the stormy night he had saved me. We could have both been dead, already decomposing in hastily dug graves...

So why had I felt so betrayed when he had brought Lyndis into this? Why had I felt like been stabbed in the back? If I really did hate him then why had I been careless at times, leaving something for him to find. I sank back to me knees, my left hand pressed to my forehead. Everything seemed to be crashing down around me. I tried to hold onto something that would keep my fortifications from completely falling away, but everything slipped through my fingers like silt.

I had hated everyone just to keep myself from hurting. I had buried all the emotional pain with anger, and defiance. I had drowned it in a river of blood, and scarred my body and soul beyond repair. I had screamed under a mask, and hated people who tried to care for me. I had hated more people then I had loved, and buried myself under a deluge of blood, and hate. I had lost myself.

I had lost the little boy who loved butterflies, and had brought laughter wherever he went. I had lost the little child who could always see the bright side of anything, and could not be made to hate. I had lost the sweet innocence of childhood before its time, and buried under everything so I couldn't find it again. I had smothered it to keep myself from pain, and caused myself to hurt more then I ever thought possible.

A light hand came to rest on my head, and something hit my hand. The round bead of ice stayed on my hand, and began to slowly melt. "I'm sorry, but someone had to do it."Nils murmured. "Sometimes you have to tear everything down before you can start over." Nils' hand left my head, and I heard his footsteps fade way.

I looked around with wide eyes, still lost, and now shaken worse then I had been. My mind had stopped. Everything had crashed down on my head. Every wall of defense I had ever built around me had fallen, and now I felt more vulnerable then I had ever. I pushed myself across the ground, and stopped when my back met a tree. I pushed myself to my feet, and looked around the small clearing. Lying in the middle was the dagger I had stolen from Hector. Blood had dried on the blade, leaving it dull. I touched the spot on my chest, and looked at the dagger. I could kill myself, or try to struggle on with my now shattered reality...

"I can kill myself, or live with myself." I murmured. I shook my head, picked up the dagger. "'If something is worthless then it should be discarded.'" I tapped my fingers on the blade. "But am I really? Am I really worthless" _No, they're liars. _

_Yes, you are. You killed Ninian, and couldn't stop your father's death, You are worthless. _

My mind fought itself, and I looked up at the darkening sky. "What am I supposed to do" I asked nothing as a wind whistled past my ear. Back in Pherae my mother was waiting for me. I didn't want to go home, I didn't know what I wanted. An ache had started in my chest, a feeling had settled in my throat.

Rain had started to fall. I leaned against a near by tree, and sank into the grass. "What am I doing here anyway? Why did all this happen to me. I used to bleed because it helped me forget everything else, but now it only hurts more. I used to not feel this. The sorrow that suffocates everything, and drowns all your thoughts in salty misery. I haven't cried in years. The last time I cried was when I was thirteen, and I haven't cried since then. Not even when my father died. I don't now what to do any more, and I don't know what I want."

The rain fell harder, slipping through the trees, and landing on me. I looked around the clearing again, and stood up slowly. There were no answers here, but the answers were somewhere. "But were are they"

A/N:Ack! I'm sorry! It took an unreasonable amount of time to put this up. This chapter took me a long time to work out kinks in, and I'm still not sure I like it. Nils was a little out of character, but he was severely greived, and such. - I will try my best to get the next chapter up by next weekend. Thank you for all the reviews-eek! never had so many before, and I hope this satisfies you till next time.


	16. Reflections

I walked into camp wet, and wondering if my eyes were looking in two different directions. I had spent an hour wandering aimlessly through the woods, trying to find camp, and fallen into five streams, possibly all the same one, and into four different briar patches, and fallen over at least ten roots. I nearly smiled at the sight of the multi colored tents, and was greeted by, no surprise, Hector.

"Eliwood! Where have you been?' His voice held relief, and a slight undercurrent of anger. I smiled weakly.

"Walking?" I suggested. _Falling over my own mind, and walking into trees looking for camp. _"Just walking."

"Uh-hu." Hector frowned. "I'll go find Serra now. Everyone's been looking for you."

"Everyone always seems to be doing that. I don't know why." I followed him, trying hard to keep my feet under me.

"Lord Eliwood!" Marcus came up, leading his horse with tight look on his face. "I am glad to see you well." I stopped, glad for the rest, and looked to the paladin. I had known him longer then Hector, and had been fascinated by him, and his horse when I was younger. He had a different horse then he had then, but it was still a war stallion.

"I'm not so sure I'm completely well." I answered. It was still raining. "I feel rather stretched to be truthful."

"Maybe if you would not run off without taking someone with you would not have these problems, Mi'lord." Marcus said sternly. I blinked. That was one of the closest things to a reproach Marcus had said to me since I was seven.

I worked out a reply slowly, my mind numb. "I will, in the future, take more thought to my actions." I gave a slight nod of my head, and turned to go. My feet slipped in a puddle, and I flailed around before Marcus caught me firmly.

"Be careful Lord Eliwood." Marcus advised.

"Thank you Marcus." I carefully skirted the puddle, and wandered off. I stopped, and wondered where I was going.

"Lord Eliwood!" A pink topped blur dashed up, and grabbed my arm. "Mi'lord there you are! You disappeared and worried us so! You shouldn't run off when you're not feeling well." Serra gave me a pouty look, and waved to Matthew. "Matthew! Go find Lord Hector and tell him I found Lord Eliwood!" Matthew gave an exasperated sigh, and looked sorely tempted to throw something at the cleric's head.

"He knows. He's looking for you actually." I told her.

"That's good! I'll just take you to your tent and heal those nasty burns." Serra grabbed my arm, and pulled me after her. "You have some nasty bruises on your face to." Serra had luckily grabbed my left arm. several people stared as we went by, but they shrugged, and went back to their work.

"Eliwood!" Lyndis came jogging up, a relieved look on her face. "Thank goodness, we were all starting to worry about you." She smiled, but I saw a slight moment of hesitation. She didn't know what to expect from me.

"I'm sorry." I smiled wearily back, and tripped over my own feet. Lyndis and Serra both caught me, and Serra clicked her tongue.

"Men! Honestly they think they can run all day on nothing but their own egos." Serra huffed, and then grinned brightly. "There is the tent we're looking for!"Serra trotted ahead, but Lyndis stayed to help me walk I unconsciously leaned on her, taking some of the weight off my own feet. I was tired, exhausted was more accurate though. I flopped down on the make shift bed thankfully, and got a worried look from Lyndis. It was dry in the tent at least.

"Here, let me see your hand." Serra took my right hand gently, and examined it carefully. "Yep, a quick healing spell should fix it." Serra nodded to herself, and pulled a staff out of her belt. She closed her eyes, and concentrated. A soft blue glow emanated from the staff. She torched the head to my hand, and a tingle rushed up my arm, and spread through my body. I hissed as the rash vanished, and I could feel the cuts on my arm knitting back together. The mark on my chest pulled closed as well.

I shivered as the healing spell finished, my breath faster then it had been, and my body on the edge of unconsciousness. Healing took some strength from both people involved to work. Serra looked tired as well. She yawned, and placed the staff back in its placed.

"Maybe a mending spell would have worked better. She stood up, and wavered. "You," She pointed an unsteady finger at me. "Get lots of rest. If that healing took so much out of me then you must be exhausted by now. I take leave of you, Lady Lyndis, Lord Eliwood." She curtsied neatly, and walked out of the tent without her usual bounce. Lyndis watched her go, then turned her attention back to me.

"You do look tired." She observed. "I'll leave you to get some rest." She paused. "Do you want anything to drink or eat? You were gone for over three hours."

I looked at her face carefully, and decided that she wouldn't leave me alone completely until I had eaten something. "Some broth would be nice, if it wouldn't be too much trouble."

"Not at all." She smiled. "I'll be right back." I watched her go, and wondered why she wore a skirt that slit all the way up with leg and showed off her hip at times. I felt my cheeks grow warm, and thumped my head on my knees. Why was I concerned about how much leg Lyndis was showing anyway? I sighed, and pulled my boots off. I wouldn't sleep with any more dirt then I had to.

I found some dry clothes, and stripped off the wet ones. The actions were subconscious. I didn't mind the wet clothes. The tent flap was pushed aside, and Hector came in.

"You cause a lot of trouble." Hector grumbled. "You know that."

"I wouldn't cause any trouble if people didn't insist on taking care of me." I grabbed my dry tunic, and straightened it out.

Hector frowned, and looked at the numerous scars crisscrossing my arms, and the few on my chest. "Someone has to look after you." I paused and looked at him carefully. My hands tightened around the blue cloth. Someone had to look after, because I couldn't do it myself. I pulled my tunic over my head and spread the wet clothes out to dry.

"Really?" I pushed back my bangs, and tucked some of the longer strands behind my ears. "I'm not that much younger then you are."

Hector shrugged. "I guess not."

The tent flap was pushed aside, and Lyndis came in carrying a steaming bowl. She paused when she saw Hector, and glanced quickly between the two of us. "I brought some broth for Eliwood." She told Hector.

Hector nodded. "No doubt he needs it." I began to stand up, but my knees buckled, and I sat back down quickly.

"It would seem." Lyndis smiled warmly, and easily. She handed me the bowl with the warning that it was hot. I held it in my hands, and let the warmth sink into them.

"I'll leave you two alone know." Lyndis brushed dust off her skirts. "Make sure he drinks it all." She told Hector before slipping out of the tent. I watched her go, and frowned slightly.

"You heard her, drink it." Hector sat down on the make shift bed, and made it clear he intended to see that I drank all of the broth.

I smiled, and took a short sip. Lowen must have made it; it was good. "Do you always do as she says?" I asked with a tilted look. Hector glared at me, and I chuckled. "I see, I'm not allowed to ask questions, but you are."

Hector mouthed something, and shook his head. "No, I don't. You so need to drink that though. You should eat something to." He studied me for a moment. "Why is your face still bruised?"

"My face?" I touched my face gingerly, and winced. "I guess the healing spell wasn't enough to fix everything."

"Everything?" Hector raised and eyebrow at me. "I thought you only had the two spots." There was, whether he knew it or not, a slight threat in his tone. I took a long sip of the broth, savoring the taste while I watched Hector's expression. I looked into the broth, and found a rippling reflection looking back.

"I used to think that reflections were people other worlds, like the one the dragons were trapped in. I'd always wonder what there life was like-if they were nobles, or commoners, or how different there lives were from mine in anyway. I always wondered if they liked butterflies as well." I smiled and took another sip of broth. The reflection was no longer recognizable.

"You asked me about that once, what I thought my reflection was." Hector chuckled. "You always wondered about the oddest things."

"I did." I took a deep breath, and sighed. "Hector..."  
"What?" He asked, looking at me sideways. He had slipped his boots off, and now sat cross legged. He had already discarded his armor, and looked more relaxed then I had seen him in weeks. The corners of my lips twitched, and a strangled laugh escaped me. I set the broth down, and nearly doubled over in helpless laughter. I laughed until tears streamed down my cheeks, and they ached.

"Eliwood?" I rubbed my cheek gingerly, and looked at Hector with a slight smile. I picked up the bowl of broth again, and felt the smooth surface of the bowl beneath my fingers.

"What was that about?" Hector asked, looking at me with a raised eyebrow. I looked away from him, and let my gaze rest on my boots shortly. I skipped my gaze to his boots, and then to his axe, which lay in easy reach, I noted. Maybe he wasn't as relaxed as I thought. Maybe he was trying to make me relax so I would fall off guard and tell him everything. Why not? Why shouldn't I tell him what I thought? Why shouldn't he know? Why did I hold back, biting my tongue to keep any words from spilling out. Why was I still trying to hate him?

The flames of hate were dowsed with the unquenchable sorrow that had wrapped itself around my heart, and was squeezing it viciously. I refused to release me, and was intent on haunting me. The smile on my lips widened slightly. _No one knows what they can't see. Smile and everyone smiles back, frown and they wonder. _My eyes fell to the bowl of broth. I gripped the bowl harder. _What do they wonder? What do they think about you?_ _They think the truth... They know, everyone does. Every lie is true, and every truth is a lie. Worthless creature who can't do anything. You killed your father! You killed Ninian!_ A nagging voice in my head piped._ I didn't! It wasn't me!_

_Liar, always lying, never facing the truth. You know it now, you know what is the truth, but you won't face it will you? _My hands tighter around the bowl, and bit my lip._ It's lies, I didn't kill them!_

_You hated your Father, you hated Ninian too. She was a dragon after all._ My throat tightened. My mind fought to defend itself against...itself._ I did not! I did not hate them! Shut up! Leave me alone! _"Shut up!"

"Eliwood." Hector's hand descended onto my wrist, catching it in a steady hold as he took the bowl of broth from me. I jumped, and lashed out. He caught my other hand, and looked at me sternly. "What is wrong with you?"

I looked at him carefully, and pulled against his hold. I sighed, and relaxed. "I don't know... I don't know anymore..." My hands were shaking as I fought to feel something besides the sorrow clinging to me. The doubt raging in my mind. I clenched my hands, and watched Hector's face. It had concern splayed plainly on it. There were also questions on his face. He wanted to know something, but he was waiting, precariously holding a silence he wanted to break.

"We're going to go to Ostia before heading to Dread Isle." Hector told me carefully. "When ever you're ready to travel we'll leave."

"Then we'll go as soon as we can." I wouldn't slow them down. I would keep up. I had to. "I won't slow you down." My chest ached. Why should I have to prove myself to him? _Because you want to prove you're not worthless._ Did his opinion really carry that much weight with me? Why should it? I hated him... Did I? Why had I wanted his opinion about worthless things? What _was_ wrong with me? I had to get away. I had to...

"Hey!" I stood up quickly, my vision swam, and blackened. My heart pounded, and my knees buckled. Someone grabbed my carefully by a shoulder, and looped one arm around my torso. I was lowered back to my bed, but the supporting hands did not go away.

"Idiot." Hector muttered gruffly. "Eliwood, don't you dare pass out." My head throbbed, and everything faded slightly. I didn't bother to open my eyes. The weariness finally taking me under. For one moment everything was vibrant. Hector was shaking me lightly, but seemed to have given up on my waking. Then it all dropped away into darkness.

A/N:Meh, well it's written and up. Sorry if it's confusing. Eliwood's having problem's, and arguing with himself. He was also a little bland. Sorry, sorry, but thanks for all the reviews! Jaa ne


	17. Nightmare

It was Castle Ostia, no... I ran a hand over the smooth stone walls. Pherae. I was in one of the long halls that lead to my own chambers. I ran a hand over the smooth surface, and walked unsteadily down the hall. I pushed open the door to my sleeping chambers, and found it has empty except for a mirror, and some clothes laid out on the floor. They were battle worn, and splotched with blood. I found a dagger lying on the chest of the tunic. It was my dagger. I bent to pick it up, and found the metal too cold to hold. I shook my hand, and looked around the room again.

I caught sight of my reflection in the mirror, and gave a start. I was wearing ornate clothes meant for a feasts, or perhaps a wedding. The thin cloak draped around my shoulders was held on by a flashing brooch with Pherae's symbol on it. I brushed a hand over it, and shifted it uncomfortably. Even my boots were worked with silver, and the clothes felt stiff. The clothes looked familiar, as if I had seen them somewhere before...

My face paled, and my stomach clenched. These were my coronation clothes. The crest of Pherae was also worked into the tunic above my heart. I shook my head, and stepped back from the mirror. The only thing missing was my circlet. No, I could see my circlet in the reflection, but it was smeared with blood, and mud. I glanced around quickly, and found that the door had shifted, and was now to my left.

"In such a hurry to leave? I think you should stay a little longer." My own voice rang in my ears, and I snapped around to look at the mirror. My reflection looked at me smugly, and rested its chin on a fisted hand. It was sitting in a plain wooden chair. "Honestly I thought you would be more appreciative then this."

"This...this is impossible!" I snapped taking another step back. "You can't talk, you're my reflection. You're not alive."

"Hmm.. How do you know you are not the reflection, and I am 'real'?" I yelped as my lips moved with the reflection. "You seem to be moving when I move, and not the other way around." A room seemed to have appeared behind it. It was my room, at least how it had looked before I left to look for my Father.

"Eliwood! Are you ready yet?" Hector's voice startled me. I whipped around, but he wasn't there.

"Hector? I'm ready." I replied to his question. No, I didn't, my reflection did, unless I was the reflection... "Just let me get something, and I'll be there." I turned back around, and reached for the dagger lying in front of the mirror. "Ready." The dagger slipped up my sleeve, and rested cold on my flesh. I strained to see what was going on behind me, but couldn't move. _This all ends soon now Hector..._

The thought startled me. Anger and hate flickered across my mind, the dagger was replaced in my hand. I was real! I wasn't someone else's reflection! I was not! My hold on the dagger shifted, and the silent cry for death reverberated in my mind. _This should have ended years ago, it's past time for your end, 'friend'._

That thought startled me as well. Dread wrapped around me, and my breathing quickened. _No! Stop!_ The dagger shifted, and my hand was raised. _HECTOR!_ I whipped around by my own power, and the dagger flew out of my hand. The mirror shattered, the glass fell onto the floor with a deafening ring. The crash echoed in my ears; pain lanced across me. I ran. I dashed for the door, and threw it open.

The halls were empty. My feet beat out a pattern as the slammed into the stone floor. I finally stopped, gasping for breath. I winced, and looked at all the tiny cuts on my hands and face. Blood was seeping through my clothes. It was almost as if I had shattered instead of the mirror.

I shuddered, and leaned against the cold stone wall. The solid reality of the stone gave some comfort, but it was soon diffused by the slick warm blood. An archway opened across from me, and a thin man stood in it. His hair was black streaked with grey, and a wearied smile was on his face.

"The eight General's defeated the dragons with eight powerful weapons, and then, they, they..." My own faltering voice met my ears. I shuddered again, the memory of the reflection keeping me from venturing to see where my voice came from.

"Then what Eliwood?" The man asked.

"I-I don't remember..." My voice admitted slowly.

"Ah, I see..." The pity in the man's voice was infuriating. He had no right to talk like that!

"I read it! I really did! I just can't ever remember it." I took a step forward, as the man walked forward.

"I know you did, but I didn't expect you to remember it, you never do. You should apply yourself more." The man's voice was stern.

"I do try! I do! I'm trying my hardest but it's just not working! I can never remember it no matter how many times I read it." I protested. "I am trying!"

"Aah, don't worry..." His voice trailed off, too low for me to hear. I heard footsteps retreating, and the loud latching of a door made me jumped. I walked hesitantly into the room, and froze. I stood looking at a thirteen year old boy with vivid red hair, and teary blue eyes.

"I'm not worthless, he's lying." The boy snapped viciously. His sleeve was rolled up, and a dagger lay in his hand. "I am not worthless!" The dagger flashed, an angry spray of red flew down the boy's arm, and then the other. "Look at me and tell me I'm worthless! Tell me that!"

"Eliwood," A laughing voice sounded from beside the boy, Hector was standing there, as a boy, a smile on his face. "You're worthless, you know that?" Hector's expression changed. "You're worthless! Leaving me to hold my own against those four! You should have come and helped me!"

"H-hector..." The boy's face crumpled. "Hector help me... please." A smile spread across the boy's face. "Hector please help me."

"Eliwood, stop smiling like an idiot and try to be serious." Hector reprimanded. The boy held his arm up, the long cuts bleeding freely. Blood spilled down his arms, covering the floor.

"Hector help me! Please! Hector! Help! Don't leave me alone like this anymore! Help me!" The boy's voice rose, and became frantic, but his smile only widened. "Please don't leave me like this..."

"Come on, we'll be late for class." Hector gave the boy a jovial smile, and walked away. The boy smiled.

"Hector you lair, you lie just like he does. You think I'm worthless to, but I'm not! I'll show you, I'm not worthless." The boy started after Hector. "I hate you. Can't you see that?" They both disappeared through another door, and left me standing alone. Blood dripped off my fingers. I brushed blood off my forehead like water, and walked back out into the hall. My footsteps faltered, and I stopped again.

The soft, and distant strains of a flute reached my ears, and I pushed off the wall. The song was cheerful and refreshing. I walked numbly down the hallway, beckoned by the flute music. The notes were perfectly clear now, and the playing was familiar. I knew someone who played like that, but I couldn't decide who. I didn't know many people who played the flute, but my mind couldn't put a name or face to the playing. I found myself standing in front of a stairway. I started down it, and came to the bottom quickly.

The floor splashed as I stepped, and looked up. My heart stopped, and my breath hitched in my throat. The flute player looked at me serenely, red eyes haunted with shadows that went beyond the child's face, and lithe fingers that portrayed no falter at my appearance. Blood coated the floor, dark rich blood that smelled strangely. The blood around the child dragon's feet was frozen.

Someone else was in the room as well. Pain clenched around my heart, and I stared at her. Her small feet, clad in slippers froze the blood before they touched it. Her face was expressionless. Her eyes were dead. Her body was whole, but she had the face of the dead. Blood had dried on one side of her lips, and she paused in her dance when she saw me. The sheer scarf hanging around her arms billowed behind her, and added to the wind like appearance of her dance.

She moved slowly, and twirled by me. She stopped in front of me, and her dead face smiled. The flute never stopped playing, the notes the same cheerful tune they had been before. She reached up a hand to touch my face. I tried to step back, but the blood had frozen around my feet. Her hand was cold, colder then frozen water, and it burned. I gasped, and my body flinched away from her touch. She drew her hand back, and bowed her head. Blood was now smeared across her hand, but she didn't seem to notice. She began her dance again, forgetting me.

"Ninian?" The girl didn't pause in her dance. "Ninian, I thought, I thought I killed you!" She didn't look at me, and her dance continued. "I killed you with the Durandal, you're dead!" My voice cracked, and I tried to take a step back. I wanted to run, but my feet were still stuck in the blood. My knees were week, and the thin cuts were burning. "Ninian, please let me go." The flute shrieked in protest, but Ninian still danced the same. I needed to get away.

"Having fun Eliwood?" Hector's voice startled me. I turned as much as I could, and saw the axe wielding lord standing on the last step.

"Hector!" My voice held relief. "Hector I'm stuck, I can't get loose!"

"It would seem you are." Hector raised an eyebrow at me. He leaned casually against the wall, as if he was enjoying what he saw. "Though I would think you would be enjoying this. You can watch Ninian dance from there."

"I don't want to, I want to get away from them Hector! I can't stand this, she's dead! I killed her, she shouldn't be here." I yanked at the ice, but my feet remained stuck.

"You can't do that on your own, can you?" Hector asked.

"No, Hector I have to get away from here. I-I..." My hands were shaking. "Hector please help me."

Hector scoffed. "Why should I help you? You hate me don't you Eliwood?" I stared at him, shocked.

"I-" My knees buckled, and I fell. The blood covered my hands, and burned. I yelped, and yanked my hands out but my hands still burned. There seemed to be more blood then there had been before.

"No, I think you owe it to Ninian to stay here. She loves you after all." Hector turned and began to walk up the stairs.

"Hector come on!" Lyndis called. She stood at higher on the steps. She waved to Hector, and didn't seem to notice me.

"Hector! Don't leave here!" I struggled against the ice that closed over my legs. "Hector help me!"

"Hector! Hurry, we have to go now!" Lyndis called, coming down a few steps. Hector looked between us, and stood staring at me. He frowned, and Lyndis grabbed his arm.

"Everyone is waiting Hector, come on." Hector nodded, and turned to follow her.

"Hector!" The ice crept up my legs. There was a hiss, and something slammed into my chest. I gasped, and looked down. A hand axe was buried in my chest, blood flowed from the wound, spilling to join the blood on the floor. I tried to choke something out, but blood filled my mouth. My vision darkened, and I saw Hector smile at me. My heart lurched, and I fell backwards...

"Hector!" My head slammed into something, and landed back on a pillow. I groaned, and gingerly touched my head. A lump had already sprung up there. I snapped my eye open, and found myself staring at one of the shelves in Merlinus' wagon. I rolled out from under the shelf, and sat up. I wasn't alone in the wagon. Nino looked at me with wide eyes.

"Were you having a bad dream Lord Eliwood?" She asked. Her large blue eyes were almost painfully innocent.

"I think." Already the dream was fading. "How long have I been unconscious this time?" I asked, rubbing the lump on my head.

"Only a day, we'll be stopping for the night in another hour or so." Nino chirped. We must have been traveling at a very fast pace if Nino was riding in the back of Merlinus' wagon. Matthew was sitting in the diver's seat with Merlinus.

"That's good." I nodded my head, and paused when it throbbed. I didn't know much about the cheerful green haired girl. She had been with the Black Fang, and was very young. The youngest of our group. She didn't notice my scrutiny, and continued straightening up several things around the wagon. She would pause sometimes, and mouth out something on a tome.

After a while she frowned, and ran her fingers over a tome's surface. "E...l.. fire. Elfire." She smiled again, and placed the tome away. The wagon lurched, and a shower of elixirs, and vulenarys rained down on me. I yelped, and brought my arms up to defend my battered head.

"Ah dear!" Nino whipped around so quickly she fell. "Lord Eliwood! Are you alright?" I looked at her worried and surprised expression, and laughed. I pressed the back of my hand to my mouth to stifle them, but they came. Nino dissolved into giggles as well. I finally stopped, wiping tears from my face. Nino giggled once more, and rubbed her cheek.

"What did you two do?" Matthew asked, twisting around in his seat.

"Lord Eliwood was attacked by the healing supplies." Nino reported dutifully. Matthew raised an eyebrow, and looked at the pool of vulenarys and elixirs around me.

"Indeed." Matthew grinned, and turned back around with an innocent whistle. I sighed, and began gathering up the spilled goods.

"Oh! You don't have to do that Lord Eliwood. I'll do it." Nino reached for the nearest vulenary, but I shook my head carefully. It still throbbed.

"I'll do this, you finish what you were doing before." Nino nodded, and went back to her work. I carefully began putting things away. I rubbed my temples from time to time, lessening the growing ache between my ears. Slowly images from my dream surfaced as I worked, they rose through the pain of my headache like bubbles. The mirror, the boy, and Ninian. I shuddered. My hands froze in their work, and I looked at the worn wall of the wagon. My hands lowered to my sides, and I stared harder at the wall.

My hand knotted around an elixir. I bit my lip, and closed my eyes. My throat burned, as did my eyes. My hand closed tighter around the bottle. Without warning it shattered. The shards embedded in my hand were instantly washed with healing salve, and the skin healed over them. I yelped, and jerked my hand up, causing more pain. I bit back a curse, and looked at my hand.

"Lord Eliwood? What happened?" Nino looked over curiously. I grimaced and looked at the oddly shaped lumps on my hand.

"Nothing that can't wait for nightfall." I assured her. I grabbed another vulenary with my uninjured hand. Nino nodded, and went back to her work. It took me till we stopped for the night to stack up the healing supplies, and make them stay with one hand. I thankfully lowered myself out of the wagon, and staggered a few steps to the protest of my knees. I looked around, and found no healers in immediate sight. I sighed, and hoped it wouldn't be Serra I found first. She was the last thing my head needed.

Thankfully the first healer I saw was Lucius. "Lucius!" I called. The bishop turned around and smiled warmly at me.

"It's good to see you're awake Lord Eliwood." Lucius gave me a neat bow, and swept a stray strand of hair behind his ear. "Is there something I can help you with?"

"Actually there is." I held out my hand for examination, and explained the injury. Lucius frowned, and turned my hand to see better in the dim light.

"I see." Lucius released my hand. "I'll need to get a knife. Wait here please."

"I have one." I reached down, and pulled the Ostian dagger from my boot without thinking. Lucius took the knife, and pressed his lips together.

"I lost my boot dagger so Hector lent me his." The lie rolled easily off my tongue. Lucius nodded, and left to get some water and bandages. The other members of our group looked tired as they passed. The horses walked with their heads down, and even the pegasai stumbled as they walked. I watched the weary people go about setting up tents, and talking to each other. Lucius came back, saying it would be better to treat my wound in a tent to prevent infection. I watched Matthew walk by, pestering Guy. The swordmaster gripped his killing edge, and clenched his jaw as Matthew began pulling on his braid.

"Lord Eliwood?" Lucius gave me a questioning look.

"Oh, yes?"

"The tent is this way." Lucius gave me a slightly worried look, his brows drawing slightly up, and his lips thinning.

"Oh, yes, sorry. I'm just a little... preoccupied today." I smiled.

"Of course." Lucius gave a half bow, and lead me off. I held my hand carefully, and caught a glimpse of Hector talking to Lyndis. Hector saw me, and frowned slightly, the turned back to Lyndis. My heart clenched, and my throat burned again. I half expected to hear the deadly hiss of a hand axe, but it didn't come. I followed Lucius into one of the tents where he had set up a bowl full of hot water, and some bandages. The dagger lay in the hot water, and it had probably already been washed.

I sat down on the makeshift bed, and Lucius began working on my hand. He carefully began cutting out the pieces of glass, and I clenched one hand around the sheets. Blood dripped off my hand, and onto a folded piece of cloth under my hand. Lucius had finished cutting the glass out of my hand when the tent flap came open, and Hector walked in.

He sighed. "Eliwood, what did you do this time?"

"Nothing to serious." I smiled sheepishly. "I'll be fine." Lucius nodded in agreement, and bandaged my hand.

"It should be fine in a few days." Lucius gathered up his things, and bowed to us both. "I take leave of you, Lord Hector, Lord Eliwood."

"Go then." hector waved a hand at the Bishop, and the blond walked out calmly. Hector turned to me. "Feeling any better?" My head was still pounding.

"No." I smiled, and looked at my hand. "Not much."

"Maybe you should eat more and you wouldn't pass out so much." Hector suggested. He posture stiffened, and his voice gained a threatening edge. "Eliwood..." I followed his gaze, and it landed on the Ostian dagger. His dagger.

A/N: Ergh, The dream did have pupose and meaning. Yeah for cliff hangers... I think. Thank you for the reviews, and for the corrections in spelling and grammer. Both are appreciated much, and needed much. Jaa ne!


	18. Identity

"Where did you get that?" Hector asked, his voice tense, and his gaze threatening. I looked at the dagger, and a small smile force itself onto my lips.

"Borrowing it." I replied. I managed a bit of forced cheer, and innocence.

"'Borrowing it?'" Hector's expression became stormy. "What for? To try to kill yourself again Eliwood? Is that why?"

I looked at him, and the smile slid from my face. I pressed a hand to my chest. "Maybe that's why I took it. You left it there, and I needed something. I needed..." I looked at Hector. "I needed something Hector."

"Is this what you needed?" Hector asked angrily. "To hurt yourself, and try to die when people need you? Do you think that's what you need?"

"They..." I shook my head. "They don't need me Hector! If I had died then Ninian would still be alive. If I had been faster then my father would still be alive, and maybe I wouldn't have to save the world. Maybe my Mother wouldn't be sitting at home waiting for her son to come home, and mourning the loss of her husband."

"What are you saying? Of course we need you! You're the only one who can wield the Durandal Eliwood! You know that. We need you here, and if you had died it wouldn't have made things better. Nergal would have gotten both Ninian, and your Father would have died anyway."

"Hector stop it!" I snapped. "You don't know that. You don't know that they would be alive... You don't know anything..."

Hector paused, and heaved a sigh. "This isn't about Ninian, or Lord Elbert is it?" I shook my head, and he sat down beside me. "What is this about Eliwood? What is wrong with you?"

"This..this is about us Hector. This is about where we stand." I looked down, and picked at the bandage around one hand. "I- I don't know a lot of things right now Hector, and I think I should know them. I just can't make sense of some things anymore." _I can't decide why I wanted to bleed. Why I needed the pain so much. I don't understand why it doesn't help me anymore. I don't understand myself anymore. I feel like I'm fighting something that will kill me even if I win, or leave me hollow and alone._

_I don't want to be alone. I don't want to be left without a back to fall against in battle, or a face to share a fire with. I don't want to be alone again, and feel like I'm drowning in my own blood. I don't want to hate everything._

"Eliwood why do you do these things to yourself? Why do put yourself through this?" Hector asked with a sorrowful tone. "You're not just hurting yourself you now. You're hurting everyone who cares about you." I didn't say anything, and looked at my bandaged hand. I bit my lip, and chewed on it nervously.

"Do you care Hector?" I asked. "Do you really care what happens to me? Not just my title, or your reputation? Me as a person, not the Marquess of Pheare? Me as just plain Eliwood?"

"Idiot, of course I care. Why do you think I've been badgering you about it since I found out?" Hector frowned.

He didn't say it. He didn't say he cared for me as a person, and not for my title. Feelings thrashed, and the anger and hate wrapped its deadly fingers around sorrow, and pain, and drowned it in blood. I snapped my head up, and glared at Hector. Color rose in my cheeks.

"I don't want you to care about Lord Eliwood." I snapped angrily. "I don't need you to say you care about me, because that's not going to change what I am. You know that don't you Hector? You know but you just won't help me."

"Eliwood I'm trying to help you." Hector snapped back, his voice rising in anger. "If you'd just stop being such an idiot and make an effort to fix your life then maybe it would work! The world doesn't revolve around you and your problems. I've spent more time then you know worrying about you, and trying to help you. Do you think I would still be here if I didn't care about you? Do you think I'd let myself be put through this if just for my reputation?" His voice was sharp, and I unconsciously scooted back from him.

I felt as if I was teetering on the edge of a cliff with a high wind blowing. I swayed on the edge of anger, and threatened to plunge down into an unknown abyss. It frightened me, but it didn't quite the voice screaming in the back of my head. Hector _was_ a liar, and he wasn't sincerely trying to help me. Years of doubt made me lean towards the voice, begging or everything to make sense. My head hurt, throbbing unmercifully in a manner I was getting used to.

Didn't it make sense that Hector should be doing this for me, and not for his personal interests? Should it be true that he wouldn't go through all this just to make himself look better. Couldn't he just have pretended not to know? Why shouldn't I tell him everything? Why should I hate him so much after knowing he wasn't a liar? Why should I want to hate him? Why did I? Why did I cling to burning hate instead of the numbing sorrow that washed in my head. Why, why...?

My hands knotted in my hair, and I drew my knees to my face. My hands shook, and the cuts on my hand throbbed. I could feel blood soaking into the bandage, and the cuts burned. I was drowning again, falling deeper into something I didn't understand. A small whimper formed on my lips, and escaped into my knees.

_Someone help me! Just make it all stop! I don't want to feel like this anymore! I don't want to be so lost. Help me, anyone... _

"Help." The word tumbled form my mouth. "Won't anybody help me?" The words were choked with pain, struggling to get the plea out of my falling mind.

"Are you listening to me? I am trying to help you Eliwood. I am trying, but I don't know how. You won't tell me how I'm supposed to help you." Hector's voice held the strain of many months of worry in it. _Many months of worrying over me?_

I wanted everything to stop. I wanted to believe anything that wouldn't fall out from underneath me. I didn't care if it was a lie. I just wanted something to hold onto, and protect me from my own mind. I didn't care if it was a lie anymore. I couldn't stand feeling like I was shattered. I couldn't stand feeling like I was lost in the sea of my own mind. A sea of blood I had created.

"Eliwood? Eliwood stop that and look at me." Hector hand shook my shoulder. "Look at me Eliwood." His voice was firm, and rough. I looked up at his face, and gave him a shattered smile.

"Yes Hector?"

"Dang you're screwed up Eliwood." Hector mused as he looked at me. "You're really screwed up. Now calm down and tell me what's wrong."

I took a shaky breath and loosened my grip on my knees. "I've lived a lie, and destroyed something I once held very precious. I did everything without realizing it, and I don't know what I'm going to do. I just... I just want it to end."

"That's not a choice Eliwood, and it isn't ever going to be. You're going to suck it up and work through it because we need you here." Hector tried to sound encouraging. "I need you here."

"I'm sure you could live with out me." I replied wearily.

"You don't know that." Hector's voice held a small measure of mirth as he repeated my own words back to me.

My shattered smile widened slightly, and I rested my cheek on my knee. "No, I think you could. Worthless things should be discarded, shouldn't they?"

"Wha?" Hector stiffened, and a surprised look crossed his face. "You don't think I meant that about you, did you?"

"Perhaps not directly, but it gave me your opinion on the matter. Not that I know why I needed it. I hate you after all. More then anyone, more then him..." I trailed off, realizing my thoughts were falling out my mouth. _More then the man who told me I was worthless._

"Then you did try to kill yourself again?" I nodded slowly, and lifted my head to see his reaction. He scrubbed a hand through his hair, and scowled. "So why didn't you? No one was there to stop you."

"Nils stopped me. He also said... some other things." I looked at my feet, and waited for Hector to say something.

"So you think you're worthless? Who told you that?" Hector sounded caught between anger, and relief he was getting somewhere. Anger flared up, and I snatched my head to look at him. I clenched my hands again, and smiled sweetly.

"You want to know Hector? You want to know who called your dear friend worthless?" I asked, pulling me knees from my body, and sitting on them.

Hector was familiar with the tone I used, and he became wary. He eyed me cautiously, and then spoke. "Yes, I wouldn't have asked if I hadn't want to know."

"Don't you know?" My voice lowered, the tone flashing to anger. "Don't you already know Hector? Can't you remember?"

"Eliwood calm down." Hector's voice rose a little in volume. "I don't know; just tell me already."

I laughed a mocking laugh. "Maybe it would be better for you to ask who didn't call me worthless. _He_ called me worthless every chance he got. Every one of our classmates said I was at one time or another, but the one who convinced me I was, the one I trusted in everything, was you."

Hector looked taken aback. His eyes told me he was trying to remember calling my worthless. He frowned, and shook his head. "I didn't mean it Eliwood, I thought you knew that."

"You meant it once." I snapped back. "You did. You told me you did. It was summer, and you got into a fight with four of the other boys. I just watched. I didn't try to help you. You called me worthless after that. You said you meant it, and you hit me." I looked at Hector, and smiled. "Didn't you notice at all? Didn't you wonder about me?"

Hector shook his head. "I was angry Eliwood. Just because someone tells you something doesn't mean it's true."

"But it is true. I never do anything right, and everyone always laughs at me. Everyone think I'm worthless, just an inconvenience they have to deal with because I'm royal. I hate them Hector, I hate everyone of them, but I hate you most of all. You just stood there and laughed with them."

"Eliwood." Hector grabbed me by my shoulders, and shook me. "I don't know why you think you're worthless, but you're not. Not everyone is laughing at you, and you're not an inconvenience in any way. People would put up with you even if you weren't royal."

"Would you?"

"That is a stupid question- of course I would." Hector's expression softened a little, but was still stern. "You can't keep abusing yourself like this. Your body was a breaking point, and much more treatment like this will push it over the edge. You have to stop this Eliwood. You have to stop hurting yourself."

"Why? My mind's already tipped over that edge. I don't know what I'm trying to think about half the time, and the other half I'm trying not to think." I smiled thinly "I think it's about time for someone to come in and interrupt our talk, or for me to pass out. It always seems to happen when we talk."

"Not this time Eliwood. You're not going to pass out, and if anyone tries to interrupt I'll thrown them out one their ear." The lord crossed his arms over his chest. "Now stop wandering off the subject."

"What subject?" I smiled at his slightly angry glare. "Oh, yes, what about it? Why do you want to run me in circles?"

"So I can figure out what's wrong with you." Hector replied. "I'm tired of having to drag the answers out of you."

"Like a puzzle you can just fit together?" I asked sharply. "Is the state of my mind just a game for you?"

"No!" Hector answered too quickly for my liking. Maybe he already knew the answer, but that would mean he had thought of it. "How many times to I have to say this, I am trying to help you because you are my friend." He was frustrated. He ran a hand almost viciously through his hair, and sighed. I watched him carefully. How much farther until I pushed him over his own mental breaking point? How stable was his own mind?

"How much longer can you will be able to last?" The words slid from my mouth, and Hector stared. I had spoken my thoughts again. I spat out a severe oath, and Hector laughed. He actually _laughed_. Perhaps he had passed his mental breaking point. I frowned as Hector continued laughing, and scowled as he gained control over his mirth.

"You say not everyone laughs at me, and yet you laugh." I observed.

"That, I do believe, is the first time I have heard a word not fit for a monk come out of your mouth." Hector shook his head. "I must really not be getting enough sleep lately. It shouldn't be that funny I suppose." Hector admitted.

"I don't think it's funny at all." I watched him shake the last remnants of his amusement, and half-way sink back into seriousness. There was still an amused twinkle in his eyes, and a ready smile on his lips. He was relaxed, somehow he had become relaxed. I lapsed into silence watching him with a curious look. So many thoughts fell about my head, tripping over themselves, and snapping off in the middle. So many emotions battling for dominance in my skewed perspective. Perhaps the most confusing part was I didn't know what I wanted. No matter what thought or emotion came close to dominance I didn't care. I just wanted something to held onto. Something to keep my sinking head above water.

I just wanted something to keep my sanity in grasp, no matter what that thing was. I needed something I had been missing since I had first donned my mask. I needed to know who I was, and what I was capable of. I needed an identity.

A/N:; Hi, um, well, it's the, uh, next chapter, but um, please, if you don't mind, don't be too mad about the long wait. Eheehee... It's almost over, either one or two chapters to go, I promise. Thanks for all the reviews, and feedback, and maybe you won't have to wait so long for the next chapter. Jaa ne!


	19. Truce

_My ear is twisting in all the thoughts-__A glimpse of truce just because-__It's always almost never close-__I close my eyes to hide the distance_.-Truce-Jars of Clay

To really understand who you are you have to look past what you do, and say to what you think. The nicest person can have the worst intentions, or be suffering more then anyone thinks possible. Actions, and words can be schooled. Pain can be masked with laughs, anger, and hate with friendly smiles. Confusion, and sorrow can be covered with a mask of blood. Actions, and words are nothing to look at when trying to find out who you are. You have to look at your deepest thoughts, the underlying work of your mind, and thoughts. The inner workings of your soul.

How do you find your deepest thoughts when they're buried under a sea of smiles, and blood. How do you see the inner workings of your soul when it's presence is tainted beyond comprehension? How do you find yourself when everything you knew is a lie, and yet true? How can you keep yourself above water when you have nothing more to hold onto? How can you keep sane when the only thing keeping you there was lost years ago to the malice of your own being?

I stood in the halls of Castle Ostia, the night wind blowing sweetly through the stone corridors. This was a fortress. Every aspect of it was designed to be a last resort defense of the city, and it had held under Nergal's storm. But, another problem had appeared to me, one I could not over look, and no one else could either, if they knew about it. I looked at my hand, calloused from the years of sword work, and the small scars gathered from the practice. I walked along the worn halls, the thick tapestries depicting the Eight Generals battling with dragons.

My eyes stopped one the scene of Roland wielding the Durandal. I took a small step back. I could see Ninian, her head arched back, and her giant body tense. I could see the Durandal's deadly arc, splitting flesh, and bone as it fell, and the sickening cracks that shivered through the sword into the arms that held it. The deadly flow of blood that burned, and stank of dragon. The dead face of a girl who had loved her killer, and smiled at her murderer. I turned quickly from the tapestry. The wound was still too fresh, and it would never heal if I kept picking at it.

I walked down the hall again, and continued my restless travel. I could not sleep with the nagging voice in the back of my head. I found my feet carrying me down a familiar corridor, and to the small wooden door that lead to the gardens. I nodded to the sentry, and pushed the door open. The soft moonlight seemed to beckoning me out into the court yard. The fountain babbled softly in the night, and I ran my fingers though the chilled water. I walked down the paved ways, and finally stopped. I examined the tree before me, recalling it had been a wonderful climbing tree. I placed a hand on the rough bark, and leaned my head against it.

There was something almost peaceful. A small shard of reassurance that held my slipping fingers more firmly in place. In the quiet of the moonlit garden, something found its place in the turmoil of my soul. A soft soprano song carried to my ears, accompanied by a low alto, and bass. The voices blend, and though I cannot make out the words I can remember hearing the melody many times before. It was a simple song that I had heard the followers of Saint Elimine singing often in their monasteries.

"'May she keep us on our travels, and hold us in her arms forever.'" I found myself saying softly. I smiled a little, and pulled my hand from the tree. I moved further into the garden, remembering the turns better as I went. This part of the garden was the one the children had been allowed to play in when the adults had needed to talk. I was surprised to find someone sitting on one to the stone benches. The singing had grown louder, words now intelligible. I walked softly up behind the person sitting the bench, and frowned at the familiar blue hair.

I didn't know what to say. Could I escape again without being seen? Did I really want to? Should I leave? Could I? "Hector..."

Hector ducked his head, then snatched it up, he turned, and the wet trails on his cheeks caught in the moonlight. He seemed just as surprised to see me as I was to find him out in the garden so late. "Eliwood? What're you doing out here so late?" Hector asked.

"I could ask you the same thing." I reminded him. "Shouldn't you be resting? We have much to do before we leave."

"You should be resting as well. You need it more then I do." Hector grumbled.

"I can't sleep." I cocked my head and sighed. "Hector, I'm sorry to hear about Uther, he..he was a good man, and not deserve the death he received." Hector stiffened, and frowned.

"How did you find out about that?"

"Oswin dropped a few hints, and I managed to get a few words out of Matthew, and Serra." I looked out across the courtyard._ 'May her blessings fall on the needy as the go, Let her knowledge be spread so all may know,'_

"Should have known. I really wasn't supposed to know then." Hector sighed. "Why didn't he want me to find out?" Hector sighed, and rubbed his forehead. The gesture was one of Uther's own.

I chuckled sadly. The two brothers had been different as night and day, but now, in the pale light, I could almost swear Uther was sitting on the bench in front of me. I shook me head at the absurd thought.

"Are you just going to stand there, or are you going to sit?" Hector asked. I watched him, and then sat slowly on the stone bench.

I watched him, and felt a small smile tug at my lips. "We'll be ruling together, Hector. You'll be Marquess of Ostia now that your brother is dead."

"Heh, I never thought I'd have to be Marquess. I always excepted to be a General, or something like that, but never in my wildest dreams did I imagine I would actually be the Marquess of Ostia." Hector shook his head, and gave me an almost amused smile. "I think my parents are rolling over in their graves right now. Crap, Lycia's in for some tough days."

"You're right. Laus, doesn't have a Marquess, or anyone to take over. Erik's out of the running after what had happened, and the next relative is the new Marquess of Santarauz." I furrowed my brow in thought. Politics had been taught to me ever since I was old enough to understand our government, and maybe even a little before that.

"Don't forget about Bern." Hector shook his head. "I still wouldn't put it past them to jump on us when we show a weakness. They've easily got twice our military strength." I fell silent. The singing had stopped sometime during our talk.

"Eliwood, here's your circlet?"Hector asked, tapping where his own would be if he ever wore it. My hand went up to my head, and briefly brushed the place it had been.

"I lost it." I brought my hand back down, and averted my eyes. "It's lost for a while, but you were too busy to notice."

"Eh, you just look different without it. You were almost always wearing the darn thing." Hector chuckled. "You hit Erik when he tried to drop it in the garden pond."

"I did not hit him. I skewered him on my sword." I protested half-heartedly.

"Yes, and a fine ash twig it was." Hector nodded gravely, and looked across the garden. I pulled a leg onto the bench, and leaned my cheek against it.

"We're going to Dread Isle after we get supplies right?"

"Yes." Hector looked back at me. "Are you ready for this Eliwood? We're going to confront Nergal, and it's gonna be tough."

"I'll manage." I toyed with the ties of my boots. "Hector..."

"Hmmm?" He looked half-asleep.

"If Nergal manages to summon a dragon I don't think I'll be able to kill it." I murmured.

"Who says he'll be able to summon a dragon in the first place?" Hector asked. He looked more awake then he had.

"No one, but if he does manage to, if somehow he calls a dragon to this side of Dragon's Gate..." I shuddered. "Hector, I can't even look Nils in the eyes, what makes you think I'll be able to kill another dragon?"

"Because it won't be Ninian." Hector frowned.

"No, but she was a dragon, wasn't she?" I refused to meet Hector's curious look. "I don't think I can kill another dragon." I shook my head. "I killed one dragon, one of the beasts that threatened to wipe out the human race, and look what happened to me. I fell apart. I lost myself, or I realized I had. I couldn't find any peace. I couldn't make sense of anything, not even when I hurt myself. Nothing helped... and nothing is helping."

I shook my head again. "I'm scared to even touch the Durandel. Every time I do I can feel its's hunger for blood. It scours my flesh, and I actually _want_ Nergal to succeed in summoning a dragon so the sword can have its thirst filled. I actually want too be bathed in dragon's blood again, no matter who it is. I can't wield that sword again Hector. I can't!"

"If Nergal does summon a dragon you'll have to, and it's going to be very useful against Nergal himself Eliwood." Hector reached out a hand, and put it on my shoulder. "We've all got to do our best in this fight, no matter what sacrifices we have to make Nergal must be taken down. Besides, I'll be there watching you, along with Lyndis, and everyone else as well."

"I.." I drew a sharp breath, and found my eyes stung. "I can't do it Hector..I'm scared. I actually scared of losing myself more. I can't stand the thought of not knowing who I am anymore. I'd rather die then live like that, and I know I would. I couldn't make myself live anymore... I can't use the Durandal again."

"What do you want me to say? I can't tell you that you won't have to, but you had better not die." Hector gave me a stern look. "I'm going to need all the help I can putting Lycia back together after this, and Lady Eleanor needs you as well. If nothing else you have to go home for her." She would be waiting. Sitting by a window doing needlework, or talking to her ladies. She was waiting for me to come home to her, and I had to. I needed to go home. Maybe there I could find out who I was.

"I didn't realize how selfish I am, everything seems to revolve around what I want, what I need to make myself better." I chuckled dryly. "I really am worthless Hector. I can't even put aside my wants to save the world. I can't even work up the courage to pick up a sword. It's like you said, the would doesn't revolve around me and my problems. I've just got to pick them up, and move on." _I've got to find someway to keep going._

Everyone used to say how unselfish I was as a boy. I never asked for anything; it was always for someone else. I was quiet, submissive, but 'amazingly' cheerful. My mother had been congratulated on having such a wonderful child, and my father was as well. What a wonderful Marquess Eliwood would make, and how lucky he was so close to next Marquess of Ostia's younger brother. How lucky my parents were to have me as a child, and how cursed.

They deserved better. My father deserved a fearless child who would lead charges with a brave face, and who would have acted as soon as his father disappeared. Mother deserved a loving child who she would be able to lean on after her husbands death. A child who wasn't worried about their sanity, and fretting over killing a dragon.

A _dragon_!

As a child I had played at killing dragons, I was a brave knight, fearlessly charging forth to smash the evil creatures before the crushed my country. I enjoyed the games until I was eight, and then I had a thought-what about the dragons? Just because every tale deemed them evil was I to mindlessly slaughter them? Did not dragon's have families? If not from a mother where did the dragon young come from? Weren't they like humans in a way? Didn't they feel pain?

I had stopped my fights against the imaginary beasts that day. I never played at killing dragons again, and was horrified by the gruesome tale of the scouring I was told at ten. I asked my teacher if he didn't feel sorry for the dragons, and he laughed long and hard. 'No one feels sorry for dragons.' No one feels sorry for murdering beasts.

"But I'm no better then they." I laughed harshly. "I am no better then those 'murdering beasts' were."

"What are you talking about?" Hector asked with a questioning look. "If you're trying to say you're no better then the black Fang I think you've finally lost it."

I laughed, clutching my sides in odd amusement. "No, no not the Black Fang Hector. Dragons! Don't you remember what our History teacher said-'Dragons were murdering beasts.'?"

"You're comparing yourself to a dragon?" Hector shook his head in futile thought.

"And why not? I killed without hesitation, and enjoyed it. I thought I was protecting everyone, but I wasn't. I killed Ninian because of what she was, and I'm no better the dragons humans fought during the scouring-if they were thoughtless murderers." I hugged my knees to my chest, and refused to look at Hector.

"What are you talking about? You're not a murdering beast Eliwood! You said yourself the Durandal moved on its own. You didn't mean to kill Ninian, and she knew it." Hector snapped angrily.

"How do you know? How am I supposed to know who moved first? The sword wanted it, yes, but so did I. I didn't want the dragon to live either. I-I killed her as much as the sword did. I let myself be used by that blade, and-" I shook my head, and looked at Hector. "I'm never using it again!"

"You may have to." Hector's voice softened, and the smile on his face was one I had never seen there. It was weary, comforting-an old man's smile.

"Hector, don't look at me like that." I shook my head. "You're not an old man yet, and it will be many years till you see your end." The words were not my own, they were my father's spoken to Uther before me father disappeared.

Hector chuckled roughly, and stood. "That's right Eliwood, and I plan for you to grow old with me. After we defeat Nergal, and whatever he tosses our way." He paused. "Eliwood he may actually call a dragon, and you will have to kill it."

"What if I can't? I'm not the person you grew up believing I was Hector." It smiled. "I'm not the person I grew up believing I was."

"You may not be, but you have the royal blood of Pherae in you. That hasn't failed you as much as you may think. No Pheraen noble has backed down from a challenge, and I don't think you'll be the first." Hector gave me his encouraging, cocky grin, and offered me a hand. "Now, you've only got to take it easy till we reach Dread Isle, and remember, I've got your back Eliwood, and I hope you've got mine."

I took Hector's hand, and he all but pulled me to my feet. "And know, let's see if we can get some sleep before dawn, if you think you can." His voice was worn, frayed at the edges, and weary. It smiled, and nodded.

"I'll see you in the morning Hector." It gave him an almost bow, and walked down the garden path. There would be no sleep for me, not for many nights, and none peaceful until Nergal was dead.

A/N:Fooh, there you have it, chapter nineteen! Eliwood opens up to Hector, and Hector listen while coping with his grief. Poor Hector. Oh, and this is AU mostly because of ages, in the game Eliwood and Hector are roughly twenty four-as I decided from their C support, please correct me if I'm wrong- and in this story he's younger then Lyndis who's eighteen.

Ninety-one reviews! Egads! Thank you all so very, very much! Please keep telling me what you think, and what I did wrong. Jaa ne!


	20. Steps

The first step has to be taken.

A child never learns to walk without failing, without falling down, and having to be helped back up. There are always failures, but if you never try, you never fail. It's a choice everyone makes, wether self conscious or not. Should I try, and run the risk of failing, or should I not try, and stay safely unfailed? If a child never makes the first attempts, and tastes the first failures, then no progress can ever be made.

Failure is a terrifying thing. Some people laugh it off, saying they'll do it next time, and think nothing of it. I found it terrifying. I_ couldn't_ fail. I had to prove I was not worthless, and to do so I could not fail. Failures meant nothing but time and effort wasted. If I didn't try what did I achieve? What if I had no choice in the matter? It was either try, or die, but trying meant facing the fear in my soul, digging it out, and facing it with no protection from it.

'To overcome fear of something you should get used to it slowly-As you would preparing to swim in a cold pond. The slower you get into the water, the less the shock will be, and thus the easier it is to overcome. If there is no time you can always drop head long into the water, and numb your body to the core before getting used to the water. Either way works, but you can not get back out of the water after trying to get used to it. You will never work up the courage to get back in it, and will spend your time shivering on the shore. It may be you'll stick a toe or finger in, but you won't get back in the water of your own free will.

'You can, however, be driven back into the water by the naggings of others. They can drive you back into the water with their words, and taunts. If worse comes to worse they may just throw you in the water and refuse to let you come out.'

That was a small speech on a teacher's behalf when I had asked him how people overcame fear. It sounded reasonable, and made sense at the time. I still made sense now. I jumped from the water before I was used to it, and was suffering for it. I was chasing myself around, and trying to force myself back into the water, but I couldn't make myself plunge into the icy depths.

I sat staring at the Durandal, bared along the bed. The blade was glistening no more then a normal blade would, but it seemed to flash sinisterly. It was early, and I had anther hour before we made our way into Nergal's stronghold, and faced the villain himself. I still had not touched the Durandal. It had stayed tucked way, and I loathed to even touch it when it was wrapped thickly in a blanket. Every time I thought of it I could feel the call buried deep in my head, the wild need calling, demanding. I rubbed my temples, and looked at the sword. I couldn't touch it.

But I had to.

I had put it off for too long, and now I was afraid. I didn't want to touch that blade again, to feel the ancient power run through me, and knowing I had to save the world. I reached for it, and my hand trembled. I closed my eyes, pausing for breath, and then looked back to the sword. It seemed to taunt me, daring me to touch it, to hold it firmly in my grasp. It dared me to try, and it seemed to know I would fail. I couldn't fail.

_'You may have to.'_ I dropped my hand to my lap, and shook my head. There was no more hate, no more angry rebellion against the facts, just fear, and sorrow. I could barely manage a convincing mask in front of everyone else, to convince them I was alright. Again my mask, again I was hiding. I tried my hardest to act like I was fine, but I was failing. I got many sympathetic looks, and at least one of the healers came to check on me every day. I suspected this was Hector's doing, but I tried to stay away from him. He would ask me about the Durandal, and I would have to tell him I hadn't even touched it.

_You really are worthless, a pathetic fool to the core. _I sneered at myself, agreeing. I was, but I could pick up this sword. I could wield it, if not to prove something to myself, then to save everything. I shook my head, and eyed the sword defiantly. I could do it, and nothing would stop me. I leaned toward the bed, and grasped the hilt of the blade. I nearly dropped it in surprise. The hot call was still there, and the memory of dragon's blood leapt into my mind. Ninian, her blood spilling onto me, the burning feel as it scoured my flesh, bathing me in red, and death.

Dragon's blood, so different from my own. Times beyond count I had watched it spill, watched my own life spill down my skin. I had secreted away, and plied a blade to my flesh, feeling the sting as a touch for reality, a reason to hate. A reason to say: 'Look what you did to me.', and physical pain that could wash everything out. A justification for everything, and the fact that I could kill myself to spite the people who lied to me. I had been in control.

Now I was teetering the rampaging cries beating against my hold, and screaming to give in, to lash out, and draw blood. I shivered, and drew the sword around in a smooth motion, slowly, accounting for the sword's bulk. I began a slow series of movement I had known since I was small. I was in control, the sword was the tool, and I was the wielder. I closed my eyes, and thrust carefully. The sword seemed to shift, and it threw me off balance. I scrambled to stay up right, bringing the sword around hard. A flash of blue in the corner of my eye made my blood run cold.

The sword called louder, demanding the blood was close enough, near enough to taste to... I stopped the sword, staring wide eyes at Nils. The dragon boy looked at me calmly, the sword almost touching his neck.

"I wish you Good Morn Lord Eliwood." Nils smiled, tilting his head away from the sword.

"Nils! Do you realize I nearly killed you?" I asked, my voice strained. It took a great effort not to finish the swing, and knock his head from his shoulders.

"But you didn't." Nils pointed out matter of factly. "I said you would be able to control the Durandal, didn't I?"

"Yes, but that still doesn't mean you can just walk in without a word or warning." I protested, but the shock was fading into relief, and a slight trickle of surprise.

"Of course not, I apologize for my rudeness." Nils sighed, and moved form the sword. The call lessened, and I lowered he sword. "I came to tell you that we were getting ready to leave. Mark chose the companions, and we'll be heading out very soon. I wanted to make sure you were ready." I looked at the sword in my hand, and grabbed it's sheath.

"I-"

"Eliwood!" Hector walked into the tent, his face set in determination, and his hand on the Armads. "Are you ready to leave?"

I sheathed the Durandal, and placed it in my belt, next to my rapier. I grabbed up the lance from the floor, and shouldered it. I felt weighed down, but I managed an almost sincere smile. "I'm as ready as I'll ever be." Hector grinned back, his a reckless one. Nils smiled as well, his a childish quirk of the mouth.

"Then you should know that we're leaving." Hector directed his next words to Nils. "You go and find Kent, you'll be riding with him till we get there."

"Yes sir!" Nils saluted, and ran out of the tent before Hector could comment on it. Hector grumbled something after the boy, and then turned back to me.

"Are you sure you're ready?" He eyes the Durandal carefully, and then looked back to my face.

I walked up, and put my hand on his shoulder. "Hector, dear friend, I'm as ready as I will ever be to face my father's murderer, and anything else that is there."

Hector clapped me on the back, and laughed. "Good for you Eliwood." I staggered, and Hector laughed harder. Ready or not, worthless or not, killer or not, liar to not, I was on my way to fight Nergal, and anything else that got in my way.

* * *

Hector watched the two children run across the courtyard, Lilina with her arms outstretched, and Roy laughing. He watched both children disappear into the summer thick foliage, off to torment Lilina's poor pony no doubt. Hector turned his attention to the red-head beside him, an older version of the laughing boy who had run off with his daughter. A shiny scar was spread across Eliwood's cheek, and his hands bore the same scars.

"Are you faring well Eliwood?" Hector asked, leaning against a nearby pillar.

Eliwood looked up, and then nodded. "Fairly well." Eliwood chuckled. "Much better then I was earlier this year."

"I would be very worried if you weren't." Hector frowned, and pulled down the collar of Eliwood's shirt. "Where did you get that?"

"What?" Eliwood felt gingerly his neck. "Oh, that. Sparring with Lowen yesterday. I decided it was small enough to be left alone." Eliwood chuckled at Hector, and shook his head. "You may ask Lowen if you don't believe me."

"I believe you." Hector leaned back against his pillar, and regarded Eliwood carefully. The younger man was already going grey it seemed. Sprinkles of grey littered his red hair, and the wear of more years then he had actually seen rested on his face. The years had been tough for the Marquess of Pheare.

Six months after returning to Pheare Lady Eleanor had died, leaving Eliwood with no one to really help him get his feet as the new Marquess. So Eliwood tried to hold Pheare together, and helped Hector pull Lycia itself back together while clinging to his mangled sanity. Hector would never forget the time he had walked in on Eliwood with a knife in his hands, and blood dripping down a cut on his arm.

That time was not the only time Eliwood had fallen back into his old habit, Hector was sure, but it was the only time Hector had seen him actually do it. The memory still sent made Hector shiver. It had been a few years ago that Eliwood had married. It had been a marriage of convenience, and treaty, but it was still a marriage. Hector wondered if the woman ever saw the scars in Eliwood's arms, and wondered where they came from. Everyone knew where he got his scarred cheek, and hands from. He got those from fighting a dragon.

"You watch me like a hawk old friend, surely you don't think I'm lying." Eliwood sounded slightly ruffled, but when Hector turned a rather blank gaze on him he laughed. "What have you been thinking about?"

"About Meredith I suppose." A half truth, but that was who he had been thinking about when Eliwood had pulled him from his thought. "And Roy."

"He doesn't favor Meredith in the slightest does he?" Eliwood shook his head, and sighed. "I only wish she could have lived long enough to see him." Meredith had died in child birth, and Eliwood had been left with an heir, and no other reason to seek out another marriage. He hadn't.

"Are you sure you're alright Eliwood?" Hector asked again.

Eliwood looked blankly past Hector then smiled. It was a cold shell of a smile, but it was as close to a real smile as Eliwood ever seemed to get. "I told you, I'm as well as can be expected." Eliwood's smiled dropped, and he brushed his bangs from his eyes. "You still worry about me Hector?"

"Sometimes."

Eliwood's face changed drastically, going from thoughtful, to a warm smile, eyes alight, and everything about him said he was in a good mood. It shocked Hector for a moment. Eliwood could do that. He could hide what he was feeling perfectly, and lead anyone to believe anything about him. The only one he truly seemed off guard around was Hector himself, and that was only half the time.

"You'll worry yourself gray if you don't look out Hector." Eliwood warned with a laugh. "You may even catch up with me."

"Stop that." Hector nearly snapped. "If you're not happy don't act like you are."

Eliwood's face dropped back into a slightly sad look, and he sighed. "I really am doing better Hector, and things are starting too smooth out."

"You never say you're fine Eliwood." Hector realized. "Why is that?"

Eliwood smiled thinly. "Because I don't think I ever am. I can't undo the damage I did when I was younger Hector. I can't change how I handled things, and neither can you. We have to live with our mistakes, and try to make the best of them."

"And over come them. You can get over your mistakes Eliwood. Everyone can." Hector prodded gently. "It will just take time, and perseverence."

"But how much time?" Eliwood shook his head. "It's like the Durandal, almost. I was afraid of it, of what it reminded me of, and now that is my life. I'm afraid of what happened, and so I lock it way where I won't have to deal with it." A mirthless chuckle escaped Eliwood. "It will take my whole life to undo this now Hector."

"Even if it does I'll be with you Eliwood. I'll be with you for every step of they way. That I promise." Eliwood looked t me careful, his eyes searching.

"Truly old friend? Do you truly mean that?"

"With all my heart and soul Eliwood, I do." Eliwood smiled a small smile, but it was closer to a real and true smile then any he had flashed in years.

Owari

A/N:The end. The ending was abrupt, but I needed to end it soon. This seemed like as good a place as any to end it. So there you have it Eliwood, torn apart, and sorta put back together. Sorry, Sorry, Sorry for saying Eliwood was twenty-four. My math was way off, and I thank everyone for the corrections. Well, that's it, and thanks for all the reviews. Sayonara!


End file.
